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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am a serial dater.

96 replies

oleblueeyes · 04/08/2011 17:31

I've lurked for a while so I thought I'd post. I expect to get shot down in flames but what the hell. I thought it may give you some insight into the male psyche ( I'm a bloke by the way).
Basically I am a serial dater. In fact as I write this I have 9 women on the go at various stages of intimacy.
Two I have slept with.
Three I have snogged and may sleep with.
Four I have just started dating but I expect at least 2/3 of those to end in sex.
Why am I doing it?
I like the attention. I like sex. And I don'tI fancy/like any of them enough to want to commit myself to.
Most I have met online.
I'm thinking of quitting this whole charade. It's exhausting. I've been as honest where I can with all these women with regards to how far I want a relationship to go with them.
One of the women who I have sex with simply wants that...sex.
Another who I am just dating I have told that I didn't want anything serious but she wants to carry on seeing me.
So there you have it.
Please form an orderly queue to stcik the boot in.

OP posts:

akaemmafrost · 04/08/2011 19:21

Who cares?

anothermum92 · 04/08/2011 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moonferret · 04/08/2011 19:34

This is the thing with women, the majority are drawn to womanisers, users, charmers and those with a partner already. Then when it all goes wrong (as it invariably does!), they expect sympathy!
I have no idea whether the OP's post is true or not, but I've known men who've been one or more of the above to have several women on the go at once, and good luck to them!

ChizChizChiz · 04/08/2011 19:41

Honestly OBE, I'm sure you're a nice enough chap and all but why do you think any of us give a toss?

You've not given us any insights. You've merely confirmed some tedious cliches. If you want to go getting your winky wet with a wide variety of 'lucky' women, knock yourself out, my love, but don't kid yourself that it makes you interesting, attractve or, indeed, uniquely insightful.

LittleHousebytheRiver · 04/08/2011 20:10

Chizx3 If there was a "like" button for your post I would press it!

cheekeymonkey · 04/08/2011 20:53

Oh I love 'winky'

WibblyBibble · 04/08/2011 22:10

Yeah, you know you're going to end up 50 and alone, smelling of wee and sitting in the corner of the pub looking pathetic, don't you? It's really lame that most men in their 40s now act like 18-year-olds. Or maybe you actually are an 18-year-old? And I guess when someone gets hurt, you'll call them 'psycho' and complain about 'drama' right? Pathetic.

garlicbutter · 04/08/2011 22:36

Nine is four or five too many. No wonder you're exhausted!

I think the text is a lousy idea. It makes you look like you're showing off and/or consider the women as such fragile little flowers you have to make their choices for them.

My only question was about condoms, which you've answered. If a person needs to know whether she's in an exclusive relationship, she should ask. If she can't do that for some reason, she should post here and we'll tell her! (Answer: say "I want to know if we're in an exclusive relationship, are you seeing other women as well as me?")

Dunno why you posted, OBE, unless you are, in fact, looking for help in deciding what you do want. Are you?

SparklyCloud · 04/08/2011 22:36

For all you know, some of these women are playing you at your own game, and also have more than you on the go.

Original poster

oleblueeyes · 04/08/2011 22:41

Oh for fuk ks sake who gives a sh1t really eh? These women are all in their forties. They're not vestal virgins ! Maybe they just fancy a bit of 'how's your father' themselves, no strings attached ? I reckon a lot of women
do but just don't want to admit it

OP posts:

garlicbutter · 04/08/2011 22:42

Well, yes, Sparkly.Without wishing to disrespect Bertie, I thought everyone had the right to multiple partners - and privacy - until somebody requested a fidelity pact?

Or is it still 1955?

garlicbutter · 04/08/2011 22:43

I think you've seen a few 'admitting' it on your thread

jasper · 04/08/2011 22:50

No big deal if you are not telling lies directly or subtly. Nine is quite a lot. I'm mildly impressed . Do you actively fancy all nine ?

looner · 04/08/2011 22:55

gosh! nine! haha! no wonder you're exhausted :)

Original poster

oleblueeyes · 04/08/2011 23:00

No I don't really fancy all nine. And also I think two have probably just dumped me this evening as i texted them
Earlier and haven't heard back. I cant blame them
As I hadn't been in touch with them
For over a week.

OP posts:

jasper · 04/08/2011 23:05

Thanks for reply. The not fancying some is interesting . Of the ones you don't fancy ( leaving aside tonight's texts which may change things anyway ) were you planning on seeing them
Again ? Have you had / would you have sex with the ones you don't fancy? Why bother dating someone you don't fancy ?

mouldyironingboard · 04/08/2011 23:10

Wouldn't you prefer to date a woman who you actually fancy and also like as a friend?

How would you feel if your sister or daughter was being strung along by someone who was dating 8 or 9 other women at the same time?

garlicbutter · 04/08/2011 23:19

Hang on a second, people. dating doesn't have to be about auditioning for a full-time relationship, as implied by "stringing along" and the like. There are quite a few individuals of both sexes, who enjoy a bit of company and a decent shag but don't want a full-on partner. Especially women in their forties, I'd venture.

And a woman in her forties is more than capable of stating her needs, the bloke isn't responsible for that at all. His only responsibility is not to lie when she asks.

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2011 23:34

So there are four you haven't slept with, but you expect to sleep with 2/3 of them?

How many's that, then?

garlicbutter · 05/08/2011 01:06

Two and two-thirds, Imperial. Tsk!

Kallista · 05/08/2011 02:27

I've had casual flings in the past but I always ran into trouble by being less than honest with the men concerned. Either they only wanted sex & I got hurt, or they tried to get too controlling & call me their girlfriend when I barely knew them. Now I don't date a guy unless there is mutual attraction & an understanding that we are both looking for a partner. If he wants to date other women then I feel he isn't that into me.
I don't have a problem with NSA BUT safe sex & total honesty are essential as either partner could be having other NSA relationships.
So, OP, it sounds as if you're probably just not THAT bothered by any of your 'dates'. If you just want NSA or casual dates then tell them that you wish to see other women too; there are lots of women around who would be OK with that.
But if you do meet a woman who you could fall for then you should drop any casual relationships straight away. TBH, if you meet the right one then you won't even be interested in other women & you know it.

BitOfFun · 05/08/2011 02:57

I think that if you are on 'dating' sites, then it is disingenuous to think the default position is to concurrently date eight other women, and shag a couple of them. Just join a straightforward sex site if you are coy about describing your circumstances.

moonferret · 05/08/2011 03:01

Hey BitOfFun...how are you?

I agree...8 should be far more than you need! And if you can womanise attract that well, why bother with dating sites?
I'd avoid sex sites though, just imagine the women who'll be on those!

RumourOfAHurricane · 05/08/2011 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

oleblueeyes · 05/08/2011 10:39

When I say I don't fancy them, I kind of mean looks wise. It may be that I think they have a sexy body, but I don't think they're that pretty.
I'd happily have sex with them, but for me to want to have a relationship I'd need to find them pretty as well.

OP posts:

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