things in past relationships that, in retrospect were red flags

[rainbowtoenails]

Thought I'd start a kind of 'preventative' thread rather than all the 'after the horse has bolted' threads that dominate this section

Ive had had a couple of bad relationships in the past. I wish now I'd recognised these bad signs at the time.
-jealousy at seeing me talking to another man
-a shove
-1 slap
-lying about number of expartners
-penny pinching
-general intolerance of other people
-not coming to ultrasound

That wasn't massively early on though, it was a bit further in, and I thought I'd made progress by convincing him to agree to come out

Bertie I think it a bit like people who put their life on hold till they win the lottery when everything is going to be sorted and wonderful, if only the gods would given them the luck they deserve.

It's "the love of a good woman will make everything better" and "how can I be expected to sort myself out on my own?"

Does admitting you are desperate for a woman in your life ever sound a good sales patter? Not to me anyway, but he said it meant he would try harder to please.

Hmm true. The lottery people would be better off making their own millions too

It's sad though. I feel sorry for whoever ends up with him.

Oh, another thing.

• Denying his intentions to do something before you've even accused him of it so that you wouldn't suspect. Looking back, denying before you've had the chance to confront is as good as a confession. Why ow why didn't I see it?

Like what, boogiewoogie? I can't quite picture what you're saying. Is that like how XP used to go on and on and on about how he hated drugs and they were awful and he used to do them but he scared himself and never again and... ad infinitum. Basically projecting this image that drugs were the last thing he'd do, after I left him someone told me he had been trying to source cocaine from them when we were together, and the only reason they didn't tell me was because they thought I knew. Or how he went on about cheating and how all of his exes had cheated on him and it was the most terrible thing you could do to someone and how he didn't trust me to get drunk without him being there because he "didn't trust other guys" and basically made himself out to be so anti-cheating you'd never suspect him of it. And of course he cheated as well, very very near the end as far as I know, and again I didn't find out until after I'd left.

Yes, Bertie something like that. He said things like:

"I've been cheated on before and I'd never try to take someone else's partner" Guess what....

" I'm not trying to get into your pants"

" I don't have an ulterior motive"

" I am not harrassing you" Urghhh!!!!

Basically, everything that I suspected him of, he totally was but he had defended himself before I'd even uttered a word. My naive former self trusted him and believed that people meant what they said. Not him. All the above, I overlooked and it cost me. Now I look back and think that I was more of the tw*t than he was. It is only now that I think that things like the above are as good as confessing.

Hid in a room to take a call from his mum (pre marriage).
Took advantage of me sexually when I was drunk.
When I had a break down was only nice to me when my family members were around.
Bullied me whenever his family were around.
Decided he wasn't going to speak to me the day i had dc.

still with him and don't know what to do....

mongymenthi just make a plan and go

your dc or "his and yours"?

We will help you xx

mongymenthi would you like to start your own thread to discuss how you feel about your relationship and ask your questions? There are lots of posters on the Relationships board who would probably love to give you advice and moral support.