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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just need to get throught tonight

55 replies

lookingfoxy · 29/07/2011 23:46

Sorry another self indulgent thread.

Totally bereft at end of relationship of 6 years. Me that ended it finally, but asked him back and he said no, too much had happened.

He's having a night out tonight, i've always been a bit insecure and feel so anxious, Its a works night out so not much chance of anything happening (I know this), I know its going to happen sometime, I just feel so shit tonight and need encouragement not to text/call to ask him back (again)!!

He has many many bad points, right now Im thinking none of this matters, which I know is total rubbish, as long as we can be together.

Did anyone else have these feelings of complete, god I can't find a word, patheticness!!

Or is it just me, please tell me i'll get by this point, im posting here instead of contacting him.

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingfoxy · 01/08/2011 23:59

Just getting it out

Bad points:

Stoner
Would never stick up for me
Bad with money
Extremely lazy
Low sex drive (with me anyway)
Spent hours playing computer games
Snoring/thrashing/talking in sleep - didn't care I was like a zombie from lack of sleep
Would fall asleep on couch at teatime and we would all have to tiptoe around
Was never to discipline his ds 12 at the time(who lived with us) as I was not his mother and never would be
Was treated like a housekeeper/domestic slave
Constantly jumpy whenever anyone came to the door due to his smoking weed in case they could smell it.
Him and dss would leave all plates/dishes/food wrappings at their arse expecting me to clear up after them.

Maybe seem minor, but all added up my life seemed like hell, why am I missing it!!

OP posts:
evako · 02/08/2011 00:01

yes it's hell on earth, i have to move out,another city perhaps...

seven years- just like that

evako · 02/08/2011 00:05

lookingfoxy- jeez,it seems like you've lived with the pig

Bogeyface · 02/08/2011 00:14

Maybe seem minor

Errrr no!

Infact almost all of them could be considered deal breakers on their own, never mind together. Stay strong x

Original poster
lookingfoxy · 02/08/2011 00:27

Really!
I was told I was a crabit nag!
Bloody hell and that was just off the top of my head!
Yes it was like living with a bloody pig!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/08/2011 07:39

Gosh, do you really think being without him is worse than being with him ? Really ?

He sounds like a selfish arsehole. Stoned, lazy teenagers usually are. Oh, he's a grown man ? Yuk.

Original poster
lookingfoxy · 02/08/2011 09:56

I know, I was so unhappy when we were together.

I am in the grips of depression right now, can't wait to get to the docs to get my meds up on thurs!!

Im just feeling so vulnerable and lonely just now that anything would seem better than nothing iykwim.

I am scared for my ds, scared for myself and for the future and what it holds without him.

I guess its all i've known for the past x years and its all ds has ever known and im not coping well with the change.

I just keep remembering that a poster said that I can't feel like this forever!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/08/2011 10:04

Hang on in there, sweetheart

Your future is brighter without this millstone aound your neck, seriously

Only a couple days until you see the doc. Could you speak to him about finding someone to talk to about how low you are feeling, as well as the meds ?

Original poster
lookingfoxy · 02/08/2011 10:18

I don't really want to speak to anyone, it is just plain and simple heartbreak I have issues asking for help Its just when im in the house in the evening alone and first things in the morning that I miss him/the company.

Yip he was a millstone, am waiting for the anger to kick in about how I was treated, I know once I get there i'll be home free so to speak!

I can see the advantages to my situation, there are LOADS!! They definetly outweigh the disadvantages, damn this blooming depression, its definetly skewering my common sense!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 02/08/2011 13:09

speak to us, when you need it then Smile

Original poster
lookingfoxy · 03/08/2011 09:19

Oh Im such an idiot!
I texted him yesterday to make sure he was still watching ds whilst I was working (he has a habit of forgetting things), he said yes thats still fine and how his flat decorating was getting on.
I then text back that I still missed him and had he changed his mind Blush
No response, so I guess I need to bite the bullet, i've done the chasing if he had wanted to save face and still nowt.
On the up side, im feeling a bit more positive today, maybe I just needed to know i'd tried....

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingfoxy · 03/08/2011 09:24

Funny thing is when I first broke it off, I felt nothing but relief and a little sadness, I really excelled and started decorating etc.

I guess i've focussed on the best parts of him that I do miss, because after splitting you don't need to put up with the crap parts and somehow forget about them.

That coupled with the depression about being on my own (sad I know) has made me want him back, when the person I want back doesn't really exist, if that makes any sense!

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 03/08/2011 09:35

Right Sorry, but you needed that. DO NOT contact him again unless it is about your son. DO NOT. You don't want this waste of skin back. You just don't want to be alone. If he comes back, inside a fortnight you'll be climbing the Walls looking for escape. Any man is NOT better than no man. Delete his number from your phone, so at least you'd have to go to the trouble of typing it in if you wanted contact. That way you might come to your senses before you hit send. Begging him to come back is something you will hate yourself for in a very short space of time. STOP IT. Stay busy. Go out with friends, have friends round, ffs woman clean out the kitchen cupboards, just don't obsess about this man. Half the world is in ownership of a penis, and the vast majority are alright blokes. You shouldn't settle. Now, do you need another slap?

Original poster
lookingfoxy · 03/08/2011 09:38

Grin not right now, but I may need another one in the following days!

OP posts:
HedleyLamarr · 03/08/2011 16:38

I'm with Chickens. Only contact if to do with your son. I won't slap you though Smile. I don't do violence. Grin

Original poster
lookingfoxy · 03/08/2011 17:59

Well he texted me today about time for ds on friday, I told him to just beep his horn and I would send ds out.

Normally he would come in and i'd be offering coffee etc, so thats progress for me!

OP posts:
MAPAM · 03/08/2011 22:54

Ah looking foxy - totally agree with all the posts !! It is really shitty at times but you have to focus on what it was really like living with them in the last few months. I am so sad for losing the partner I had but only the one I had for the first five years maybe and definately not the one I had for the last 12 months - thats what you need to think about. You have definately focussed on best bits but when you feel yourself slipping go and look at your list and remind yourself ( I do something similar) Had a shitter of a night dealing with him but in many ways it just reinforces what a stranger he now is to me and not one I would even get to a second date with.
I reallly hope it goes well at the docs tommorrow and that was good advice above about seeing if you can talk to someone as well xxxx

maleview70 · 03/08/2011 23:07

Why do woman struggle so much with the ending of a relationship? He sounds like a dick to be honest. A grown man playing computer games...I've always found that a bit weird. Work on your self esteem and move on.

FabbyChic · 03/08/2011 23:16

Things do get easier, once the depression is under control you will be able to see things in a new light, keep yourself busy, if you lived together redecorate your bedroom and move the furniture round ,its very therapeautic.

Change things in the home so it is no longer the same and is more your home and not his.

Get rid of anything of his you have left.

Make time to relax too in a lovely bath.

Try not to think too much that doesn't help.

But it will get easier, day by day, week by week until it has passed.

mummytime · 04/08/2011 07:20

Plan yourself some treats for the quiet times. Mnet rather than text him.
Try to remember he wasn't company when he was there, he was often stoned.
Maybe you can phone some old friends for a chat, it doesn't have to be heavy, just a gentle chat.

Original poster
lookingfoxy · 04/08/2011 07:32

Thanks everyone.
Im working like a trojan over the rest of the week so that definetly helps take my mind off things as I love my job so much.

I am starting to feel slightly better, anxiety levels rising again, but will mention that at docs today.

I am in the process of decorating, the whole house is getting it !

Ds is being moved into dss's old room which is double the size, all wallpapered and carpet fitter coming tommorow, so one room down, my bedroom next, going to get it the way I wasn't 'allowed' to as it was a waste of money (I found out last week how much grass costs, no wonder we were always bloody skint, arsehole !)

maleview - if it was that easy....! My self esteems alright normally, im a pretty capable person and not bad looking either, I wish I could just turn off my feelings but not that easy for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
lookingfoxy · 04/08/2011 07:34

mummytime - that is so true, he was never company.

He would either sit in the kitchen getting stoned, sit on the computer with headphones on or fall asleep on the couch.

OP posts:
puzzlesum · 04/08/2011 07:47

lookingfoxy, he sounds like the most dreadful arse. Well done on getting shot of him and congrats on starting a new, happier life where you can be properly respected.

Wisedupwoman · 04/08/2011 08:14

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/list-of-posts

try this website OP. Can't for the life of me get the link thing going.

MAPAM · 05/08/2011 20:56

Hi Foxy - hope the Drs visit was ok ?? Its great having work to keep you going - I love work (most days) too and having a fullfilling job (for me ) is a life saver as it helps to give perspective and I think confidence and esteem. So I hope you have a great few days at work, I bet your house will look fab when you have finished decorating and DS will love it too
I bet you are a lovely women inside and out and you deserve to be appreciated - TY for the helpful post you left for me xxx

Yours Sincerely another "women struggling with the end of relationship"

wonder why that is ??-- hmmm maybe thats because
a) I put my heart and soul into it ,
b) wanted a present father for my children,
c) wanted a lover and friend,
d) endured 3 v difficult pregnancies to produce lovely kids from love
e) I was always supportive and honest
f) might end up homeless and lhave to give up my job ........I can continue to z) but you know what Im saying Foxy Wink choose all or any from the above ....xxxxxx Confused

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