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Original poster

Very new relationship, should I "listen" to my gut feelings?

46 replies

Lazydaisy55 · 29/07/2011 20:51

I met a man for the first time last Saturday. It was via a dating web site so we met in a public place. Had a lovely conversation, which led to having something to eat, and then seeing a film. I had intended just an initial meet, and got swept away. He wanted to see me the next day, which I did and had a lovely time. Then he wanted me to go to a ceroc dancing lesson with him, I thought I would give it a go, but by the end decided it was not for me. He was very disappointed because he "wanted us to do something together" this was the third time we had met up. He is now trying to get me to go on holiday with him!! I havent even know him a week. When I said that I did not want to go away on holiday with him because it was too soon, he did an "I am so sad, I was really looking forward to spending time with you" response, which feels like guilt tripping to me. We get on well and I am attracted to him, but I am getting the feeling that something is not right. Any opinions/advice?

OP posts:
pictish · 29/07/2011 20:53

I agree. Suffocating, inappropriate and intense.
Best to back away now.

VeggieButcher · 29/07/2011 20:57

He sounds like stalker material.

He also sounds like the kind of bloke that once you were officially "together", he wouldn't let you out of his sight.

jalopy · 29/07/2011 20:58

Go with your gut feelings. That's way too fast. He shouldn't be pressuring you or making you feel guilty.

pictish · 29/07/2011 20:59

Fancy trying to get someone to go on holiday with you after a week! Shock

Cleverything · 29/07/2011 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckmepinkandcallmerosie · 29/07/2011 21:01

ALWAYS LISTEN TO THAT GUT FEELING.

Ticket for that man. One way. To the far side of fuck.

want2sleep · 29/07/2011 21:12

my ex was living with me after 4 weeks...he just never went back to his parents...neither did he ask me?...it ended even faster than it started - he walked out and never even told me....I was 5 months pregnant and he proposed to me the week earlier!! PLEASE RUN A MILE!

Original poster
Lazydaisy55 · 29/07/2011 21:13

fuckmepink - your reply made me laugh. Seems that the consensus is go with the gut feelings.

OP posts:
RabbitPie · 29/07/2011 21:19

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buzzsore · 29/07/2011 21:19

Always go with your gut feelings when it comes to this sort of thing. Too often we second-guess ourselves and talk ourselves round, when there's a good healthy self-preservation instinct trying to help us.

He's way too full-on too soon and that is a massive red flag.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 29/07/2011 21:19

Gut feelings...definitely!

RabbitPie · 29/07/2011 21:19

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SalmonPinkCanary · 29/07/2011 21:36

Agree with everyone else.

I had a first date with a guy not so long ago - we met on-line, got on very well and decided to meet up for lunch. During lunch he began telling me how much he enjoyed scuba diving and explained that he was planning a holiday.

Anyway, to cut a v long story short, within 3 hrs of meeting, he wanted to book a diving holiday for both of to go on (he told me not to worry, he would call my employer and ask them if I could have time off at short notice!!). He began searching for holidays using his Iphone, wanted us to go to a diving shop so that we could Order some prescription goggles for me to wear, then invited me to travel with him to his Mother's house the following weekend so that I could meet her 'officially'.

When I politely suggested that it was all a bit too much, he sulked, then got angry, then accused me of being like 'all the rest' and leading him on! Hmm

Bizzare.

Anyway, never ignore your guy feelings, it's simply not worth it. There will be other men.

inatrance · 29/07/2011 22:45

Before I even read your post, just based on your initial question my answer would be..
ALWAYS listen to your instincts. Always, always.

Having read your post I would say ignore your instincts at your peril, big fat red warning flags all over this one i'm afraid.

bluejelly · 29/07/2011 22:48

Agree with everyone else. Ditch him and get back to the dating sites.

pinkhair · 29/07/2011 22:57

I agree with everyone else, mainly cos i have just had the same experience happen to me, i met this bloke online, had a couple of dates, went really well, got on really well, then we spent the whole bank holiday weekend together as my DS was at his dads, then the next time he came round he brought his toothbrush, some boxers shorts, then asked me if i wold wash them, then after only 8 weeks together he was telling me what to do, when to do it, and where i was allowed to go, all in my own house, RED FLAG alert, so i got out quick, but it took the police to come the next day to make him leave me alone, it was horrible, PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELINGS xxxx

aseriouslyblondemoment · 29/07/2011 23:02

eww far too full-on from the off imo
but op why are you arranging/agreeing to 2nd dates at such short notice?
don't you think you're allowing yourself to attract men like this?

Original poster
Lazydaisy55 · 29/07/2011 23:48

Pinkhair, when I read your post I had a OMG moment, cos my son was at his dads when I first met him.

I think I agreed to a second date because I was flattered! He actually took me to meet his Dad (who was lovely).

Thank all for answering my post, you have confirmed my gut feelings. I will be telling him tomorrow that I wont be meeting him again.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 30/07/2011 09:19

What good radar you have, Lazydaisy. One thing though: if he won't fuck off when told to (and some of these clingy whiners can be very persistent) don't be embarrassed to involve the police if you have to.

Whatmeworry · 30/07/2011 09:42

Gut

tethersend · 30/07/2011 09:57

He wants a partner; not you.

He'll do this to someone else next week.

michglas · 30/07/2011 10:03

Get out now and don't let it go any further. He sounds like a mad stalkerish, obsessive type and you really don't want to end up in his freezer!!

want2sleep · 30/07/2011 10:04

OMG I met ex parents on second date..it's only reading this I think OMG....keep away from him...does he know where you live? Don't let him...STALKER ALERT!
My ex complained to me after 3 months he had not met my family and started to say I was ashamed of himConfused I was trying to take it slowly...he had moved in (without asking) smoothering me saying he wanted a baby and never loved anyone so much...nearly 8 years later he is still in my life (not for his ds) just trying to cause fear/terror/control.

Please please run...I can see the flags so clearly in other men now but had my fingers burnt badly to know...learn from us all here! Good luck today with telling him...he may well turn up (if he knows where you live) and say he is sucidial without you etc etc...don't feel guilty like I did and take him back each time!

feistywtf · 30/07/2011 11:09

Run for the hills

Original poster
Lazydaisy55 · 30/07/2011 11:28

Well, I have just phoned him and said I did not want to see him any more. He wanted to know why so I told him I had a feeling that things were not right. He then claimed that I had misunderstood what he had said. I told him that I had not misunderstood him, eg him planning a holiday when all I wanted was a few day trips. Any way, he was not happy! But I am, great sense of relief.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and giving me sound advice.

Back to being a single, unpressurised mother.

OP posts:
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