Name changer here. Sorry, this is long...would appreciate any thoughts from you wise women (and men).
I've got myself into a situation and I genuinely don't know what to do about it. I've been separated for about 18 months (quick background my H left me for a colleague and they are now living together, we have a 2.5 year old DD who we share parenting with - I was utterly devastated at the time but am now moving on from it.)
A couple of months ago I met a bloke when I was out and we swapped phone numbers. I felt at the time like I was ready to meet someone new (I hadn't been interested until this point) and was flattered when he kept texting me but wasn't sure about meeting up again. I signed up for a couple of internet sites and went on a few dates but nothing came of them - it was just fun getting out and meeting people. This bloke was persistent though and eventually about a month later I finally agreed to go and meet him again. We had a brilliant time and ended up spending the night together. He told me things were complicated in his life and the more I got to know him the more I realised how true this was. He is still living with his ex, has a child and lots of other issues with complicated family etc. He's had a really hard upbringing and doesn't seem to have many people who genuinely put his needs first or who he can even talk to about anything. His mates are not what he calls 'proper friends' (he lost touch with them when he moved to a new area) and there are things he has never told anyone about before he met me. Over the last few weeks it has got more and more intense and he has told me he loves me. I have started falling in love with him too, and really feel like we might be able to have a future together, but the current situation is so difficult that we can't be a 'normal' couple and have proper time together - it's always a few hours here and there followed by stress and recriminations when he goes home. And then last night he dropped the bombshell - well, I guessed. I thought there was something strange about the fact that his ex was always on his back, and when he said he had something to tell me the penny dropped - she's pregnant and due to give birth soon.
He has assured me that they are split up - he has even told her a couple of times that he is leaving but can't do it in practical terms (nowhere to go, no money, mortgage etc) or emotionally (doesn't want to leave his son or ask his ex to move in with family which would be the only option). From what he has told me she is very confrontational and is always shouting and swearing at him in front of their DS, telling him that he's a shit dad etc. He spends as little time at home as possible anyway, because he can't stand being there, although this may have gotten worse since we met each other, which I feel terrible about. Without going into too much detail I don't believe that they have any long-term future together, but my dilemma is whether I should just back the hell out and keep away for a few months while he deals with the situation or stay in his life and be supportive. I can't really find any way to justify distracting his attention from a newborn baby, however he feels about his ex I think he needs to concentrate on his children for a while. But - and of course there's a but - I feel really strongly about him and want to be there for him. Am I kidding myself? Can any good come of this situation?