Think DH and I are splitting up

[KD0706]

I'm quite sad but it's been a long time coming.

We've been together for 13 years, married for 8.

Had DD 15 months ago and he's just never taken to being a dad. We had a Frank chat tonight and he said he feels my world revolves around her and I have no time for him. I think he's quite childish and needed me constantly stroking his ego and now I don't do that so much.

I think he's quite jealous of DD and that's been coming out in dismissive and uninterested attitude towards her, but that's sometimes veered towards being aggressive. When I pull him up on this he gets very angry with me.

The bottom line is we don't bring joy to each others lives anymore. I suggested either trial separation or counselling but he doesn't want either. He just wants to make a clean break.

I adore DD and wouldn't be without her but I can't help wishing we'd done this a couple of years ago before we dragged her into it.

I think he has had a shock because you agreed with him! My ex did this.After several years of on and off he said it again one day and I just said Ok I think you're right. He got the shock of his life but moved out as he couldn't lose face but was begging me to get back together with in weeks.By then I was so happy without him it was never even a possibility when at one time I thought I would go back whatever. I think a separation is a great idea

God cross post Sorry! Good luck x

It is worth giving it a shot.

Sounds like you gave him a real shock. He expected to be able to get away with his bullying and you'd just put up with it.

I hope it is counselling for him to figure out what allowed him to treat you and his daughter so badly. I also hope he sorts it out for himself. He needs to take responsibility for how he has behaved and turning himself around as a husband and father.

Thanks for the update :)

And look after yourself and your DD.

I think your doing great, and taking it on the chin, sorry but his behaviour is exactly the same as my ex of 20 years ago , he would not could not accept his DH, so we split , you need to decide how long you can go on like this and for the sake of your lovley dh, hugs to you , and know you will get through this,take care.

You are doing the right thing - well done for acting and giving him a kick up the arse. So hoping that this is a turning point for you - I think having a baby changes the dynamics of a relationship beyond recognition but hopefully, you will all face a more positive future. I think for a lot of men, it's easier to be a parent when the kids are past the baby/toddler stage and I hope that this is the case for you. Good luck!

You're such a strong person OP. I hope everything works out, which it will. I love the fact despite the fears, your daughter is your priority. I admire you.

I just read most of this so I'll just quickly say what my impressions are. Hope something helps!

I don't think he sounds abusive or mean. He sounds like an essentially nice guy trapped behind a sulky personality. Like you say, you think he wants you to prostrate yourself, declare your love and really obviously dedicate yourself to the relationship because he lacks the self confidence to believe someone would love him without a very dramatic expression. His child, he obviously adores, but is trapped in a cycle of feeling like a shit parent and then acting like a shit parent etc. It's still very much fixable though.

You both just need a little more compromise and understanding and this could be right as rain.

I think all men, even my lovely DH, feel unsure when a baby arrives. It does change the dynamics and, bless them, many of them feel at sea! It sounds as though there is much hope for your future.