How do I explain to DCs that they won't be going on holiday inschool hols?

[NickRobinsonsloveslave]

Basically I just can't afford or physically cope on my own with taking them to the seaside for a holiday.

Feel so bad about this as their friends at school and pre-school have all been talking about where they will be going on their hols. DS1 is desperate to go to Disneyland as his best friend is going, but I just cannot do this on my own.

Have written up a timetable for the next 6 weeks with days out to park and cinema and swimming (with a bit of help from their grandma), and will be royally knackered at the end of school break, but still feel bad when I see the dissapointment on their faces at thought of no sea or beach.

Yes, I think I just feel pissed really that their darling dad is leaving it all to me. He has even joked that I will never manage the swimming with all 3 of them.

I think I might be right, but I'd rather eat my own arm than admit that to him. He could have offered to help more, so yes, my guilty feelings toward DCs are a result of me not being able to do it all by myself.

Have you considered weekend away to the beach, by train.

Are you separated from their father? If not then why haven't you insisted he takes time off over the school holidays?
He shouldn't be "offering" to help, you should insist that he helps.

Buy a family railcard and get the train to the beach or a zoo maybe? The sooner you start doing little trips with them the more confident you will be. I love public transport. Do you have good bus routes nearby?

I don't think you need to feel guilty about not taking them away if you can't afford it - I think that in the current climate more and more people are going to have to get used to the idea that money just doesn't go as far as it used to (still scarred by recent trip to Tesco but I am interested in why you feel you can't physically cope?

Camping these days is very straightforward if you have a car - you can get tents that are cheap and easy to put up, and all you need then is a cheap campsite with a field for the kids to run around in and within walking distance of a beach - you're settled in for the week then!

Actually, I do disagree with what lots of people on here have said - I was one of six growing up and our family was broke but every year we went to a no-frills campsite in Wales which led straight onto the beach and they are some of the best memories of my childhood. Just running around on the sand, paddling, making sandcastles - I think it IS important. Important enough that if the only reason you're not doing it is because you feel you can't cope then you maybe need to try in spite of that. You might surprise yourself.

If on the other hand, it is more about the money, tell your ex to cough up so you can take HIS kids away.

we're not going anywhere either, DS keeps on about he'd love to go to disney, & I feel awful as the reason I took more hours on in work is to get & give him a proper holiday, but events have over taken.

anyhow, we're planning lots of fun days out, the woods/local parks with picnics, a train ride and he's happy, luckily we do live by the sea so i'll take him to a different beach which involves a trip on a boat (better still) with a picnic.

end of the day, I was so emotional & guilty, until I watched a bbc programme, about child poverty, some of those children don't have clean clothes heating carpets or anything on the walls - kinda now think so what if DS doesn't get to go to butlins/disney/lego land for a week/day etc least he's got everything he needs provided for him, everything else is a bonus.

We are going on holiday. BUT...

For the rest of the hols Dh and I will be working and the boys will be with their childminder. Tbh the boys would probably swap their holiday for 6 weeks of my time :(

Love that advice activate hiding guilt/stress with breeziness! will try it when approaching childcare and return-to-work angst.

We rarely went away as kids but had fab holidays.

Not your fault that your ex is a dick about seeing them, and you sadly cannot compensate for him. They will know that you're there for them.

I think you should work on the driving, it will open up loads of opportunities for you and the dcs, maybe some refresher lessons or help from a friend who's a good driver? There's a good thread somewhere on fear of motorways - I'm working on overcoming this at the moment.

Swimming with 3 - lots of leisure centres have creches, if kids are small you could put the littlest in creche for a bit, then one of elder ones could sit at side while little'un has a go, or take a friend who doesn't have kids to help.

Local countryside outing?

Check out summer stuff run by the council - some children's centres have day trips organised and you just sign up, low cost. Some nurseries and preschools, museums, galleries, leisure centres, sports clubs have one-off fun sports / art sessions open to all.

Sarky, we only ever had 2 weeks with parents in summer, both worked ft, rest of time we were with cm or grandparents (and not the most fun gps at that!), hardly any outings other than local shops, library, park. Hardly any friends around. Mum says she hated it, worried about us, but we were just happy to be away from school and play / read / relax all day.

I was an avid reader, my brother played/ drew all day and got into making stuff that led him onto glass- making as an adult.

Kids do not need to be entertained 24/7, a bit of boredom is good for creativity!

I wouldn't worry about it, my dd's wont be going on holiday and they havn't even asked to, most of their friends went on holiday in school time so there are no talks of going on holiday in the summer holidays, mine seem happy playing in the garden.

I'm sorry that your (D)H is being an arse, but this actually is an important life lesson for your DC. No-one is owed a holiday away/abroad, and there are times when it's simply not possible.

We're not going anywhere this year either, but I think it's me that feels it more than the DC - they just want to be at home with their friends!

Swimming with three is difficult, as many pools have an adult to child ratio of two to one and the parent has to be in the water with the little one. So, perhaps paddling or taking it in turns to go in the sea may be the way forward (I know this as my husband takes my two girls and when one was in the baby pool and one in the big pool he was told off by the lifeguard).

But, holidaying at home is great! I don't think you are depriving them at all, if my memories of our camping holidays serve me correctly. All I spent every day thinking was when can I have my ice-cream and why can't we go to the disco like the other children on the camp-site. All the walking the coastal path stuff was not so much fun as a child, if I'm honest.

It sounds like you have some great plans, good idea to rope in extra help. Surely your husband will be off on the weekends, though (separated or together) so he absolutely must take them off your hands for one of these days, perhaps a nice day out with daddy on Sun so you can cope with the week ahead. Have a great time.

Yes, shoddy of their dad to only be available for 1 day! How often does he normally see them? Can't he take any leave to do more?

I echo all the posts suggesting seaside weekend or day trip. I would get the train and avoid the stress of driving. And the idea about going with another friend is a good one. There must be someone around in a similar position.

picnics are a winner,disposable bbq's up the hill and hide and seek,stay up late for dvd and popcorn,baking cakes,camping in the garden,make ameal and let them be waiters,make up/hair if girls or indeed boys You are projecting your own feelings onto them all kids need is time and attention from their parents/carers.
Can i ask if you are newly single and is it the practicalities or money you find daunting. I was single Mum of 4 for years,i used to let the child benefit build up and use that for a holiday and i took them abroad on my own,daunting but actually fine,maybe you could plan that for next year give you something to focus on,we arent having a holiday this yr due to baby having cleft palate op but there are loads of free activities on,going to a fun day today all free,did you check local press or literature from school/playgroup,library also have activities.

Don't feel guilty, I honestly think Disney is wasted on kids who are not tall enough to take advantage of all the rides, or are old enough to keep going all day! As a parent you are left minding the little ones while the bigger ones disappear!

You can have a fun time without spending loads. Kids nowadays love to go on buses and trains, and there are great deals on fares.
Get a local map, teach the kids to read it and go on "expeditions"!

You'll have a great time!

Just tell them.

get family railcard and do day trip(s) to nearest direct line seaside . and/or forest etc - check forestry commision website/tourist offices in local and nieghbouring counties
they will love the whole train part too.

I was you, this time last year. Only 2 kids though.

Scared of motorways, too scared to take them away on my own. but... i did! I booked a cheapass 4-night break at a SHITE holiday park in Essex (no motorways to Essex). and we went and it was FAB. lonely, hard work, a bit sad at night, but FAB.

It perked me up, felt so proud of myself. Today i drive motorways easily - prefer them to A roads - and love the idea of taking kids away again only have no money this year! :D

please just do it, if you can, if only for one night.

And, don't feel bad about having some downtime. Mine are knackered after school, for one it was the first year, for the other it was SATS and they were burnt out. We haven't done much the first few days, just pottering about the house and garden, reading books, watching TV, going to the shops together, boring stuff really but they love to do that with me and play with each other. Mine have a lot of activities after school as well (swimming, ballet) and so time out is very enjoyable. Don't feel that you have to be constantly entertaining, think of it more as managing the holidays, rather than entertaining them in the holidays, let them find things to do. But obviously a few days out break it all up and prevent boredom, it's a balance.

You cant be in England as apparently no where in England is more than 75 miles from the beach.

Going on holiday is not an automatic right, it is a luxury.

If you dont do motorways (seriously woosy) then look at trains.

You're on your own now, you cant use your useless ex as an excuse for not going on holiday, not being able to cope, not being able to drive on motorways etc.

You've got 3 kids so start learning to cope.

School holidays dont need to be expensive and they dont need to be abroad.

Damn, just spent 10 mins explaining all in my post and it's dissapeared.

To cut it short....Dcs are 9,4 and 3. Older 2 great, but youngest is a nighmare and will 'run' at any opportunity, so I would spend all day long just trying to stop him escaping, whicih is why I need extra pair of hands.

DH and I are separated but, as I have no finances I cannot afford to move out. So we still live in same house, just not together.

BTW, we do live in England. It takes 2 hours to drive to Skegness (closest).