Not sure what answers I'm looking for but.. here goes..

[tellmethefuture]

So I'm new, and looking at all the good advice that's given here on various things, I thought I'd give it a shot.
I'm married 10 years with two dc 11 and 8. The problem is, although I really like my family life and wouldn't do anything to sacrifice it, I don't fancy my dh. I know it's gone and isn't coming back and I suppose you could say, we're in friend zone (for me anyway). We do still have sex, though not loads and mainly instigated by me cos I don't feel I can shut up shop with no explanation, but I don't want to give an explanation either cos a split is not what I want. In other ways, things are good. I respect my dh as an equal and he's a good dad. We're quite independent and not the type to crowd each other, and we each have hobbies and in general, the family setup is good. I suppose when I look into the future, I don't see us together and I'm wondering if anyone ever did that, ie stayed together until the kids were older, then just parted amicably, or if that's even possible?

It can go both ways with the children in any relationship MJ, irrespective of whether the parents perceived themselves to be in a happy relationship or not.
I don't see myself as living a lie and since you've no idea of what my relationship is like, you don't really get to tell me I'm living a lie either, just the same as I wouldn't call you out on any aspect of your relationship, after hearing about a very small part of it on the Internet.

I never said I planned to split up when the children are older, I actually have no idea what'll happen when the kids are older, all I said was that I didn't rule it out as one of the (many) possibilities. Equally, you and your dh might end up splitting up.

Neither myself and my dh are planning an affair. Most of the people who post about their dps having affairs are totally unprepared for it and shocked by it... I'm sure they didn't feel they were settling. Incidentally, I don't feel I'm settling either, in fact I think feeling 90% happy with what's going on in my life is anything but settling. Settling suggests you feel you could find someone who's a better fit for you, I certainly don't feel that tbh.

Anyway thanks for sharing your experiences :)

Luckily Payne, the too bad to stay bit doesn't apply to me!

Best wishes to you too :)

FWIW - I don't think anyone can give you the answers to how to feel attracted to your DH again, without you having that discussion with your DH - the one thing you don't want to do.

And as SGB said right near the beginning, it's possible your DH doesn't mind all that much anyway.