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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP just hit me

69 replies

derewa · 24/07/2011 11:46

Have name changed

We were arguing about how I don't think we spend enough time together and his attitude towards me and he just lost it and punched me in the stomach and in the arm. He then stormed out of the house.

I'm shocked, he's got quite aggressive in the past but he's never been violent towards me. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
TheOriginalBanshee · 24/07/2011 12:08

He is the one that will have to leave the property if the police get involved. Please call them. They will help you through this.

mamas12 · 24/07/2011 12:08

Just pack your bag and go and wait for him outside his house or in a local cafe or something. Don't be there when your attacker gets back.
Be kind to yourslef you are in shock and need to go to a friendky environment for some much ned support.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 24/07/2011 12:08

Is there no friend/neighbour/work colleague you can call today.

Please call Womens Aid as well.

IslaValargeone · 24/07/2011 12:09

Can you get a cab to somewhere safe and just try and get hold of your brother from there? A local cafe or park perhaps?

Granny23 · 24/07/2011 12:10

Take yourself to a public place - cafe, station - and keep trying to contact your brother.

Granny23 · 24/07/2011 12:11

X posted - but OP - the advice is the same from everyone.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 24/07/2011 12:12

I agree that it's important to get out of the house, regardless of if you get to your brother. He'll either come back in a worse mood or he'll be all contrite and that's the point where you're in danger of staying because it's easier than going.

Anniegetyourgun · 24/07/2011 12:16

I bet he won't come back to start Round 2. He'll come back to be terribly sorry and terribly sweet and didn't mean to and can we put it all behind us. Until he does do it again. Meanwhile you will have managed to convince yourself it was really your fault for winding him up. I think it's even more dangerous in the longer term to be home for the charm offensive than for the purely offensive offensive, if that makes sense.

You do not, not, NOT want to get pregnant by a man who thinks punching women in the stomach is acceptable. (Or punching anyone anywhere for that matter, but most particularly the woman you are supposed to love in the part of her anatomy you're supposed to be wanting to carry a baby in.)

TherapeuticVino · 24/07/2011 12:18

Get out, get out, get out. And thank your lucky stars that you found this out now with no children or property together. Pack and go.

ZacharyQuack · 24/07/2011 12:21

Do not stay there. You can't salvage this, it's over.

Go to a B&B for the night and keep phoning your brother from there.

Good luck, take care.

Tortington · 24/07/2011 12:24

look at this

leave now and go sit on your brothers doorstep.

you know that your boyfriend will be so sorry - he miht even cry boo hoo.

leave if you have any self respect - do you really want THAT as a role model for a child?

colditz · 24/07/2011 12:24

Go to A PUB LOCAL TO YOUR BROTHER. lEAVE YOUR BROTHER A MESSAGE TELLING him where you areand that he must come.

I am in leicestershire, are you local to me?

Tortington · 24/07/2011 12:25

where are you?

notsorted · 24/07/2011 12:28

If you know you brother is around ie not on holiday, go and wait for him to come back.
Can you afford a b&b for a night? Don't be afraid or ashamed, a colleague, anyone who is a friend will help. Even a neighbour.

Get away so that you can think clearly ... distance, distance.
And do report it to the police. If there is stuff that's yours they will assist you in going round to collect it at a later date. Take photos if you are in a hurry to leave. Take what you need - money, phone, keys.
You can't risk it happening again. Whatever happens next, it should happen from a place of safety for you.

Tortington · 24/07/2011 12:30

actually, you have been assaulted - phone the fucking police.

Original poster
derewa · 24/07/2011 12:32

My brothers going to come and pick me up and I'm going to stay at his so I can get more thoughts together and think about what do next

OP posts:
puzzlesum · 24/07/2011 12:35

Thank goodness for that, derewa. Make sure you use the time well - you could be in shock so your injuries haven't really kicked in yet. Please get yourself checked out and consider reporting him to the police. Please also phone Women's Aid or look at their website.

Take care of yourself.

StealthPolarBear · 24/07/2011 12:38

glad you are getting out
you have no children, no reason at all to even consider staying. He has hit you once and will do it again. DV can escalate during pregnancy.

Have you told your brother what has happened? This is something he should be ashamed of - you on the other hand have no reason to keep it to yourslef

PonceyMcPonce · 24/07/2011 12:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoutyHamster · 24/07/2011 12:39

What to do next: either report to the police and get him removed from the house so that you can stay, or if you don't feel that you want to do that, get your brother to come back with you so that you can pack and get away.

What everyone else says is true. Don't choose to stay. Don't choose to throw away your chances of a happy loving relationship with a partner who cherishes you and your children. Don't give your children a bullying violent father. Don't start on that horrbile downward spiral.

Choose to walk away and start afresh, because you can, you are LUCKY, you have no ties. You need never see this man again.

Whatever he says will be bullshit. Listen to all the women who have been through it. Call Women's Aid for advice. He may bluster, cry, apologise, threaten to kill himself, yadda yadda - you have the information you need - when this man gets angry he punches the people he is supposed to 'love'. I repeat: DON'T HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.

Tell your brother everything, have a good cry, let your brother help you. But for goodness sake don't make the mistake of trying to get over this and don't make the mistake of giving him another chance. You simply don't need to take that risk.

StealthPolarBear · 24/07/2011 12:44

you can get rid and wake up tomorrow without any problems in your life

pixiestix · 24/07/2011 12:45

Please listen to all the good advice you are being given on this thread x

BecauseImWorthIt · 24/07/2011 12:47

Make sure you take all your personal and valuable paperwork with you as well, e.g. passport, birth certificate, etc.

Good luck.

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 24/07/2011 12:50

derewa be strong.

You didn't deserve this -- no-one does.

There is no excuse for what your partner did. None. He could have stopped himself but chose to hit you instead. Twice.

There is no going back. Talk to your friends. Talk to your brother. Talk to family members who love and respect you. Talk to Women's Aid: you will get a sane, objective perspective on your relationship from them, something that will not come from discussing things with your partner.

Change the SIM card to your phone: you are too vulnerable emotionally to deal with the pressure to forgive/forget/get back in line/receive part of the blame that your partner will inevitably now try to put on you.

Forget him and focus on YOU.

fwa · 24/07/2011 12:53

You're doing the right thing

I just hope that your brothers gets there before he gets back

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