Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

advice need re dp

31 replies

missy10 · 21/07/2011 19:57

I am in need some advice from any one my dp and i have long distance relationship and we see each other at least once a month (he lives 400 miles away ) my dd 5 is going in for an operation next friday and my dp was going to come down and stay for nearly 3 weeks . He has just phoned me and said that he has 2 go back 3 days after her operation as his ex has said he can have his daughter 3 for a week ( he hasnt seen her until 2day for nearly a year as his ex stopped contact ) i know i should be really pleased that he is seeing his daughter again but im sitting here in tears as i feel he is letting my dd and my ds 13 ( who has special needs down ) as he has broken a promise 2 them

OP posts:
Original poster
missy10 · 21/07/2011 22:08

yes i will do but it will take a while to sort out a move mum as i would need a council exchange . All i have wanted since we have been together is my dp 2 have a relationship with his daughter

OP posts:
mumsamilitant · 21/07/2011 22:18

As for telling people off about their punctuation etc. When they have a problem, whether you agree with it or not!
you should be ashamed of yourselves!

mumsamilitant · 21/07/2011 22:20

Missy, sometimes you cant really bank on this. I know your kids must be young and I wanted the same at the time but guess what! they didnt really get on. So, just hang fire and stay where you are for the mo, let the wee girl come visit and take it form there.

mumsamilitant · 21/07/2011 22:21

"from"

eslteacher · 21/07/2011 22:36

I totally sympathise. It must be really hard to see so your DP so infrequently, then to get so excited at the prospect of 3 whole weeks together, to look forward to it and imagine what you'll do together, only to have it all whipped away at the last minute. I'd be feeling exactly as you do, I'm sure.

It's clear that you know his DD has to come first and you're not about to try to convince him it shuld be otherwise. But unfortunately although you can rationally know that, and base your actions on that, it doesn't mean your emotions are going to be in tune with that. If only it was so easy as to say "I know that rationally I SHOULD be pleased that he gets to see DD so therefore I will feel pleased now and stop crying and feeling sad that I won't get to see him"...life would be so much easier!

I think the only thing to do is to keep telling yourself that you KNOW it is right that he spends time with his DD, and you have to base all your actions and what you say to your DP on that, even though your emotions might be telling you something different. And try not to spend too much time feeling sorry for yourself because it will just make it harder. Be brisk and try to distract yourself and get on with it. Sometimes as a stepparent I feel like at times I'm no longer the main character in my own life, if that makes any sense, which is a hard thing to accept. But if you love your DP which you obviously do, you will just have to do your best to be unselfish and make it all work.

mumsamilitant · 21/07/2011 22:56

Gosh, wish i could word things like Riverboat! She summed it all up Missy x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page