Surrendered Wives

[RalphGnu]

Have just read the book and I'm really interested to know if there are any Mners who have put this into practice and how it works/worked for you.

I seem to remember there was a poster who tried this approach to "save" her marriage.

It was not sucessful.

i cant see how a man would have much respect for a woman like that. in any equal partnership you must have respect on both sides or it just does not work.

Try it for a fortnight OP. Then swap roles and let him 'surrender' for the next fortnight. See who surrenders best

Dreadful shite (written by a deluded woman) - perfect if you are into the stepford wives thing, not so perfect if you actually like having input into your relationship, rather than just making your dh believe you worship the ground he walks on you're going to murder him in his sleep

Complete abdication of responsibility for people with no self respect, IMO.

Ignoring the fact that a woman would have to be a moron to go along with it I don't actually know any men that want to make all the decisions or be in charge 100% of the time.

I have no need or desire to abdicate resonsibility.

My husband would crack within a week anyway.

From what I remember of historical novels, you can only surrender if the other side accepts your surrender. That's me scuppered then. No way dh would accept anything that involved my basically giving up all my adult responsibilities of thinking for myself and decision making, he would think that was most unfair.

Dh hates making decisions in case hes blamed when its wrong
so nope, no surrendering here

Why would you want to do this?

I know the concept as I come from an evangelical background but have bpnever read the book. It seems to me to use a twisted form of Christianity to excuse the subordination of women and to let men do as they choose. The pretense is that the wife will be happier anymore content if she surrenders to her husband's will.

Utter, utter bollocks

Yeah there was a thread, wasn't there a few who were gonna try it?

and more!

oh god it sounds awful.

If you have to surrender doesn't that imply there's a war. I want a marriage not a defeat

I think the 'line' is that you surrender to God's will by surrendering to your husband. Sounds dodgy.

If you think that is bad take a look at the website for the Taken In Hand relationship. It will fuck you up.

Remember, the birth of the feminists movement was countered by the anti-feminists who had a huge following of women. Believing any number of insanio things like 'educating women would cause their wombs to atrophy'. lol. Unfortunately this breed of lunatic has never had any trouble finding a mate and continuing on the madness for yet another generation of women.

I heard a funny little spin on the old Love, Honour, Cherish and Obey thingamy which goes along the lines of each command is associated with a particular area of your body. so in order: Love is associated with your mouth and you should try to love your husband with your words, Honour is your heart, passion and strength, where you should always try to direct this power at preserving the credibility of your partner (a tough one at times), Cherish is associated with the stomach - loving him through good food etc. and Obey is linked with the genital area...as in, ahem, make him feel like an alpha male in the bedroom and he'll let you be in charge everywhere else. I personally don't think this means let him have sex whenever he chooses but that if you both want sex then surrendering to the natural feelings women have of wanting to be dominated will bring about a peculiarly refreshing environment in your relationship. Your mind and your feet are your own - so the 2 most important areas associated with feeling free (thought and movement) have no involvement within marriage at all.

Taken In Hand relationship

Ahh, yes, the "Rape is a gift" people.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

The Surrendered Wives have missed the point. Yes, there is a natural tendency in women to want to be dominated by powerful men but it extends no further than our physicality, our animal selves. To extrapolate those feelings outside the bedroom is, indeed, an abdication of your responsibility as a thinking, spiritual human being.

Its not loving either - since to love you should attempt to do what is best for the other (which should always include doing what's best for yourself). Surrendering to the judgement of your partner is selfish and no better than the men who refuse to be grown ups in adult relationships. They might as well say women shouldn't be educated since there's little point having the ability to think rationally and process social issues if you're always going to let your husband have the last say.

Its an illogical step based on a very real, physical feeling of subordinancy women experience when they're aroused.

As feminists, it is important that we attempt to step away, slightly, from our physical selves as that part of us will forever be rooted in the inconvenience of pregnancy and childbirth and sexually as creatures who are dominated and impregnated - we all love a bit of rough. Accepting the uncooperative nature of our bodies to the feminist agenda will have no bearing on the development of an equal society.

Hee Hee...if you thought you were addicted to this site!

I'll never be going there again.

you will...you'll feel dirty afterwards but you'll go back. lol.

I haev to take issue with this idea that women have a feeling of subordinance when sexually aroused. Some women do. Some women don't. There's no automatic, inbuilt wish to be dominated sexually, I think it's something we learn from films, pop videos etc., because that is how sex is presented to us.

Surrendered wives has always struck me as being something only childless women could do (should they be irresponsible enough to want to). Because if you are mother, you can't put your husband's needs above everyone else in the family, you have a duty to look after your child properly and often tht means the child's needs being put before those of all the adults in the family.

Oh god, I just googled taken in hand. What the actual fuck?!

I started a thread in femism about it Eau. I'm struggling to process it tbh.