Surrendered Wives

[RalphGnu]

Have just read the book and I'm really interested to know if there are any Mners who have put this into practice and how it works/worked for you.

HerBeX - you may well be right. A lot of women do find being dominated very arousing but im sure there are some who do not. Perhaps it is a social construct. Its characterized a bit - the helpless, ravished woman - in reality women do most of the seducing. And there are loads of men who find the powerful, domineering woman incredibly arousing. Lara Croft being the perfect example...i give up, its too difficult, perhaps we should just allow people to be individuals.

I think the language used about sex can set us up to be quite rigid about sex roles. For example, we always talk about men penetrating women, which is a dominating, active action, with the penetratee being passive. But if we talk about women enveloping men, the woman becomes the active agent.

I think one of the reasons some men like being whipped etc. is precisely because they are pissed off with the rigid sex role they're supposed to play out. If they were allowed to be individuals, rather than adopt the masculine dominant role as our culture defines it, they might not be so attracted to being physically hurt during sex in such a ritualised, stereotyped way.

very true. Old science theorized first of all that women were just the carriers of the man's active, life force that created the baby. We then learnt about eggs and sperm etc but even then the egg was nothing more than the food for the sperm, the sperm always maintaining its dominance in the creation of life. Modern science has discovered that the egg actually beckons the sperm to it and sends out chemicals that drive the sperm to it (CatSpur a calcium ion thats triggered by progesterone that makes the sperms tail swim faster).

The rape is a gift article is horrible

"You have taken her, she is yours"

It chills me to the bone

wow I'm speechless.......

Had a big argument with XH once about that. He swore that I'd "promised in Church to obey" when I distinctly remember the discussion at the Vicar's going like this:

Vicar: Are you going to use "obey"?
Him: Yes
Me (at exact same time): No
Vicar: Why do you want to use it?
Him: Well it's traditional isn't it
Vicar: Why do you not want to use it?
Me: Because I don't want to make any promises I don't intend to keep.

Good thing I didn't obey him, too, because he was an idiot.

[fuck]

The thing that I find weird about the rape article is that you could easily cut and paste it into a sexual advice type site and it would be fine. Alot of women do have rape fantasies, its quite common. The thought of being "taken" can be quite sexy, because in the fantasy you are in control and the "rapist" is probably good looking, great at sex and inexplicably more interested in the fantasists enjoyment than his own. Acting out that fantasy with a loving partner would involve discussion beforehand to agree on how it would happen, what is acceptable and what is not, and agreeing some code to use if things were going wrong.

If I read it on a sexual therapy site or book I would think "weirdos!" as it really isnt my thing (I have been raped and know the reality) but it wouldnt worry me, each to their own within a consensual adult setting. But reading it on that site creeped me out hugely. The tag line I mentioned above of "you have taken her, she is yours" says to me that all the "discussion" means nothing, as although she may be consenting, he is still raping her in his head.

Yes, wtf. This isn't only about sexual fantasy and expression but actually about power, domination and possession. Like 'real' rape.

Just read the Rape Is A Gift article... I can only echo... what the actual FUCK?????

Can someone explain? Like, all of it?

Agree with MBJ, that article isnt really about sexual ganatsy. Its still control and domination. Especially having read somw of the other articles.

Jacksmania - rofl.

Im going to make some sweeping generalisations now and I'll throw in a few judgements too. From what i can tell these women only have a physical relationship with their partners, or at the very least it works and exists almost entirely at that level. If i asked my partner to fake rape me he'd piss himself laughing. Where is the companionship? the humour? that indefinable chummy, mate-for-life feeling between these couples? Yes, most of us have fantasies about being totally dominated and i imagine quite a few men fantasise about a barefoot, obedient, pregnant wife. However there is an entire world between our fantasies and reality and to attempt to make them come to life is childish at best...fucking insane at worst. I agree with whoever it was that said these couples must, we hope, be childless.

Personally, id run a fookin mile from any man who was prepared to engage in that kind of stuff. I think there's one article on there where the woman describes being turned on by her husband basically pushing her against the wall then punching it, right next to her face...mental.

Yes, most of us have fantasies about being totally dominated

We do ?

Actually that what one of things disturbing me, that it was assumed this was what women as a group "really" wanted on some level.

But maybe I'm not as conventional as I believe myself to be.

But maybe I'm not as conventional as I believe myself to be.

In the sense that perhaps it is more "normal" to have these sorts of desire than not and I'm the odd one out by not having said desires.

I think this is interesting reading. Especially for anybody who has read the book on the basis that it will save their relationship rather than any leanings that make it attractive to them for its own sake.

Acquired Situational Narcissism

Perpective from a post surrendered wife.

A Most Twisted Love

Yes me,
I'm a strong woman and am finding it so rewarding to relinquish control over my husband. I feel more feminine ( as I was when we dated) and hubby seems far happier that I am happier. Nothing wrong with that!

BettyCrocker79, you are a brave soul to stand up in this sea of controversy. It appears that I share your choice of marriage lifestyle. It also appears that there is a lot of misinformation about what it can actually involve. Anyway, thanks for taking courage and posting.

Used to be. No longer. Never had a better, healthier marriage than I do now.

Is there a surrendered wife troll?

woops, this is a zombie thread isn't it. So definitely someone trolling?

Can I remind everyone where this is coming from? A rather hard-line, often Christian, American tradition?

BettyCrocker and WomanOfTekoa, it is good that you are happy in your marriages. It would appear that this approach does not work for the majority of people (men and women).

The 'Rape is a Gift' thing is damaging and horrible. Of course there is implied consent in a lot of relationship, but that does not mean that it is impossible to withdraw consent, "even" as a wife .

Ah, crap, Zombie thread, and I helped revive it

Ah, that's Ok PacificDogwood, it's clearly still got some traction.

I knew some real life Taken in Hand women...made Stepford look positively progressive. Different strokes and all that.