At a loss with DH over DS' baptism / christening

[TickleToe]

Brief overview is that I am a RC, I met my husband 4 years ago, he was a single dad with two children, who dont see their mother. He was not married to their mother. I fell in love with all three of them, have taken the children on, and me and DH were married in my local catholic church where I was brought up. Sometimes I take the children to church, and DH used to come with me. He accepted my faith and married me in our church. He now refuses to come, which is his decision. He doesnt particularly like me taking the children but has not yet opposed (I must admit I dont take them every week). 5 months ago we were blessed with a beautiful baby boy, and anytime I have mentioned having him baptised, DH hits the roof. WE had briefly discussed having all 3 baptised if we had another child so they are all the same. He also came to the marriage preparation course, and made his vows with me at the altar. But he seems to have forgotten all this. He says he 'doesnt want them brought up catholic'. I feel llike I have scarificed everything for him and the children. Every time I look at my baby boy and think about it I feel broken and trapped. DH has even fallen out with my mum, refuses to speak to her (about something else), he wont come out with my friends anymore. I am mum to the first two children completely in my heart, but now everything has to be just his way, and its not what I signed up for, to sacrifice everything I believe in and who I am. Sometimes I feel like the nanny, I have no say in any of the childrens upbringing. I can't see any solution; is this how my life has to be? I feel like I am letting down DS in so many ways because I am his mum and I am helpless

Have you not considered waiting until your child is old enough to make his own decision whether he wishes to be baptised rather than foisting a decision on him before he understands what it means?

I agree with Waspie.

Allow your children to make their own decisions regarding life changing religious beliefs.

You and your H are arguing over something that should be within the power of you children, when they are older. Is it up to you, what faith they hold?

As an atheist, I couldn't have my kids baptised. However, my OH ad I discussed this before we got married and he feels the same.

Why not let the kids choose if they want to be baptised or not when they are old enough to understand what they are doing? I was baptised as a baby (CofE) and wish that I had not been.

I don't know the wording of RC baptism but surely it's about what the parents are promising to do, so not sure how that could be left to the child to decide on later. It's the infant as opposed to believer's baptism issue isn't it.

iggagog - it isn't. A RC baptism is an induction into god for the child, and it ties the child into the church's activity.

Thank you pfft. Different to what I'd thought.

When a child is christened into the RC faith, yes, the parents promise to raise the child in the faith.

We go through our own baptismal promises again, obviously the baby can't make their promises, so it's up to the parents and god parents.

The priest asks the parents and God-parents some questions, and they answer together "I do".

"Do you reject Satan?"

"Do you believe in God?"

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, the son of God?"

"Do you believe in the Holy Spirit?"

In my situation, my DH isn't Catholic either, but myself and two god-parents are. DH didn't have to answer the promises, the priest give him a blessing and he promised to support me in the child's upbringing.

I completely agree that the baptism isn't the issue but like others think its a symptom. Having said that, I am a church going catholic and dh is a non-church going anglican. Before we got engaged, I made it clear that my faith is a fundamental part of who I am and therefore would only ever be married in a catholic church and raise catholic children. Therefore before he proposed, dh knew what the score was and could have decided that I was not the one for him. When we went to book the date with the priest, dh had to sign something to say that any children would be brought up in the catholic faith, so that was his 2nd opportunity to back out. We did the marriage prep course which again gave dh a 3rd opportunity and finally the marriage ceremony itself. So, if, after we had dc, he had turned around and said, no, he doesn't want them baptised, I would be both livid and very distressed. I would really examine dh closely because for me that would be a real break of trust. Ie if I couldn't trust him to keep his word on that then how could I possibly trust him to keep any of the other promises he made to me in our marriage vows.

Given that catholic rituals are fairly standard, the OPs dh had at least 3 opportunities post engagement to raise his objections so while he compromised, these things were discussed before marriage so its not like the OP is asking him to make a further promise, but actually just asking him to make good on a promise he has already made/something he has already agreed to. For this reason I wouldn't acquiesce and would insist that dc3 be baptised as previously agreed.

I think that there are much bigger issues at play here than just the baptism, but for what its worth I don't think I could face my children being baptised as babies. I am 100% not catholic (I am not atheist, but don't believe in any of the Christian Church way of teaching religion) and would feel very uncomfortable making a decision for my child that linked him or her into the Church. I could actually envisage marrying in a Church, as I could be comfortable that it wouldnt affect me and that I knew it wasn't something I believed in, but doing it to my kids would be different. Unless this is something that has been discussed before the child was born, and he agreed to the baby being baptised, I don't see any reason why he shouldn't be able to object to the concept now. If he did agree to it before, then it is probably unfair to change position now. But like I say, looks like more going on here than just this issue.