I posted a couple of weeks ago, here. The row isn't really relevant to the argument we've just had but it does provide background on our relationship if anyone wants it.
I know DP thinks I'm lazy (have every so often called him on his particular 
face and asked outright) and thinks I spend way too much time on MN. I am a postgrad student and it's too expensive for me to commute every day so I mostly work from home. He works full-time and brings work home with him every day, often working until 9pm then watching a film or TV.
From the beginning I have insisted (insist is the wrong word really... just asked him how he would like to divide household chores & split 50:50, always with his preference in mind, in deference to the fact that I was the one pushing for it, e.g. 'We need to clean the bathrooms & hoover once per week, which would you prefer to do this week?') on splitting household stuff equally. In general I clean the bathrooms, he does the floors, I do all the laundry, including the ironing and he does 99% of the washing up. Cooking is usually split, although as I work from home I usually do dinner during the week. I had thought that the last person to leave the bed (Mon-Fri, me) would make it although sometimes make it on the weekends as well.
Given most stories I have heard/read/spoken to people about I thought this was reasonably unusual in that DP does his fair share and so do I.
This week I wanted to hoover. I have to do it tomorrow as I have an assignment (which I need to do now!) due tomorrow. I overslept and, having exercised (trying to lose weight), it was lunchtime. He cooked. I have a headache (he knows) so was sat on the sofa for 45mins digesting and trying to stoke up the energy to do the report. Cue tutting, sighing, a few muttered swear words and then he storms off and starts cleaning the kitchen, which is my job.
We then, after a bit of shouting, wound up with the following:
- I'm lazy and should do more during the day
- My 75% average (distinction) is no proof that I work when he's not here
- Admittedly, I don't work the long hours he does
- Why can't I do all the housework since I do "fuck all else"
- He, if at home, could do all the housework with "one arm tied behind my back" plus his usual working day
Today I have had to reclean the washing machine as he (despite me saying I would do it) took it upon himself to do it and didn't do it properly. So we have wasted two 90-degree washes trying to rinse the machine clean because he hadn't got the scum out. He has not made the bed. I have done a load of laundry.
I can't articulate to him why I don't want to do 100% housework even though I don't work the same hours. I'm not sure I know why myself other than my inner feminist thinks it's a Bad Idea.
We're currently not talking as (this is totally my fault) as he said the 'hand tied behind back' comment I sneered and told him to fuck off. I shouldn't have done it.
The more he tells me I'm lazy, the more I'm stubbornly trying not to do what he wants me to do, including my own coursework, which is hacking me off. I will do it. Just feel like he'll see me doing it and feel superior/make a comment and think he's 'won'. I know this is childish.
I just don't know what to do or what to say. He doesn't listen to anything.