Friends have put me an awkward position - feel like a b*tch, what would you do? - honestly

[MascaraOHara]

Scenario:

I have 4 really really good friends (you know known since youth) who live locally. lets call them R, A, J, K. J is my dp's sister. J and A are practically inseperable and the two I see the most.

On Saturday night A, R and J came round and we went to the local after, whilst at mine A said "good plan of D's (my dp) for a party new years eve". to which I replied, "what party?" it wa the first I'd heard of it.

Turns out D, J and A had been discussing the night before about D having a New Years Eve party in one of the barns at the farm.

A and J are really keen on the idea and wanted me to persuade D as D only mentioned it in passing and they know that D will ultimately do what I want to do or at least not do something that I am dead against.

Now, I really don't like the idea of spending new years eve in a barn listening to 1 type of music all night surrounded by people that I probably won't even know (A has nominated herself in charge of inviting everyone - whish I also thought was a bit cheeky). R piped up that it would be nice for us all to spend new year together as well (which it would but not in a barn) also K probably wouldn't come anyway.

Now I feel really pissed off and I feel like I've been cornered. Because I think if D doesn't do it A and J will think it's because I told him not to. So far I've remained non-commital.

Also A and J would've know I wouldn't really have been up for it and that I have had no opportunity to think or say what I'd like to do on New Years eve. For the record I don't particularly like NYE anyway.

Do I..

A) Tell dp I'm really not up for it
B) Put up and shut up to keep everyone else happy and get it organised - after all I have no other alternative suggestion for how to spend new years eve
C) Tell my friends how I feel
D) Cancel my babysitter and stay at home (telling them last minute that babysitter has fallen through) - I'd rather stay at home than stand in a barn all night - I know exactly what it will be like
E) Something else - what?

Thanks - sorry it's so long, not proof read - I hope it makes sense!

I'd tell dp you're not up for it, tell your friends you're not up for it and do what you want. If you want to spend it with your friends have a dinner at your house/their house/stay in a nice hotel, anything just not a barn.

Be honest and up front with them, making sure that they never put you in that position again! Just say "Look, to be quite honest, and I know I can this to you all because you're my friends right? I really don't fancy spending New Year's Eve in a barn, why don't we book a restaurant instead? It'll be a lot less hassle and I'll feel that I'm actually going out then rather than staying at home on NYE."

tell them you don't fancy the idea and suggest an alternative - dinner/pub/hotel whatever.

Definitely don't do it. Either tell them you're not up for it or make up an excuse about wanting a quiet NY on your own. If they want a party that much they can find somewhere to host it themselves.

they wouldn't do dinner, they like to party hard and all night and to be honest I just don't. Also they want B to dj he's a prat and just plays very hard house at very loud volumes.

Can you tell I'm actually dreading it already

Just say NO, its your new Year , do what you and dp want

Just say NO, its your new Year , do what you and dp want

Bloody hell, I'd have no trouble or hesitation at all saying no to hard house anywhere near me on any night of the year, let alone NYE! So, what are you going to do?

God, it sounds hideous. Thank god I'm old and don't have to put up with things like this any more. I'd tell your partner and your friends how you feel. Certainly wouldn't go though.

Sounds like all or nothing. Just say you don't want to party this year. Don't let yourself be used!

like your use of lower case for god there Tinks! I too thank god I'm old and don't even have to pretend to like this sort of thing. Mascara, what are you going to do?

I use lower-case deliberately - probably childish but...

I would say I am really sorry we can't do a party because I had secretly booked a w/e away with dh (that he knew nothing about - hence he suggested party) Also why I was shocked when you mentioned it, and didn't want to say anything there and then, as I wanted to talk to dh first?

Then go and book a weekend away

Tinks, me too, I thought you had!

I would choose your options A and C and spend NYE doing something else.

BTW if they're going to host a rave type event thingy in a barn I was wondering if they actually have any form of permission to hold such an event?.

It sounds like you are outgrowing these people emotionally.

It would be a cold day in hell before anyone made me listen to house music!!.

Geez Mascara! This is bullying by your so-called friends! They are probably banking on the fact that you are too nice to say 'no'! It's a freebie party for them. Very, very selfish! I would not only say no, but also give them a bit of a tongue-lashing for being so bloody cheeky in the first place! Tell your dp what they have done too, he'll probably get angry on your behalf.

Don't worry about their feelings, they're obviously not worrying about yours!

Its would be classed as an illegial rave once you get 5 or more people in the barn.

you have a farm and a barn? - Parrrrtttyy

Not really, sounds hellish, tell them to sod off!

And invite the friendly MNers to your summer ball in the barn instead - only soulful music allowed!

I think Rhubarb's suggestion is a good one. If it's not your kind of thing, just say so. If they are good friends they will either a) know it's not your thing, or b) understand that you don't want to go. Be up front. Don't be scared of them!! Otherwise you may find yourself in a similar situation in the future where they are dictating what you do and you try and squirm out of it...

Great idea Crunchie.

By Rhubarb I mean CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell, though I have no idea why....

God I am so slow - I meant her first suggestion...sigh must keep up

I thought CRSEIH was Rhubarb.

yes it is

No I don't have a barn or a farm dp's family do. Which is partly why I feel bad because it's J's family that have the land.

My friends think I have got boring since I had dd, and yeah maybe I have but I don't care tbh - I like being 'boring'. I'd rather just go down the local and have a few drinks then crawl home and I no longer see the appeal in partying all night, I'm too tired for a start.

DP whats the party, I know he does he just daren't say out right because he know's it's not my thing - we have quite seperate ideas of what having a good time is!

I don't know what to do - feel like a killjoy but whatever happens now - even if dp doesn't get off his lazy bum and organise it I know I'll get the blame.

Agree - it does sound hideous doesn't it!!