Friends have put me an awkward position - feel like a b*tch, what would you do? - honestly

[MascaraOHara]

Scenario:

I have 4 really really good friends (you know known since youth) who live locally. lets call them R, A, J, K. J is my dp's sister. J and A are practically inseperable and the two I see the most.

On Saturday night A, R and J came round and we went to the local after, whilst at mine A said "good plan of D's (my dp) for a party new years eve". to which I replied, "what party?" it wa the first I'd heard of it.

Turns out D, J and A had been discussing the night before about D having a New Years Eve party in one of the barns at the farm.

A and J are really keen on the idea and wanted me to persuade D as D only mentioned it in passing and they know that D will ultimately do what I want to do or at least not do something that I am dead against.

Now, I really don't like the idea of spending new years eve in a barn listening to 1 type of music all night surrounded by people that I probably won't even know (A has nominated herself in charge of inviting everyone - whish I also thought was a bit cheeky). R piped up that it would be nice for us all to spend new year together as well (which it would but not in a barn) also K probably wouldn't come anyway.

Now I feel really pissed off and I feel like I've been cornered. Because I think if D doesn't do it A and J will think it's because I told him not to. So far I've remained non-commital.

Also A and J would've know I wouldn't really have been up for it and that I have had no opportunity to think or say what I'd like to do on New Years eve. For the record I don't particularly like NYE anyway.

Do I..

A) Tell dp I'm really not up for it
B) Put up and shut up to keep everyone else happy and get it organised - after all I have no other alternative suggestion for how to spend new years eve
C) Tell my friends how I feel
D) Cancel my babysitter and stay at home (telling them last minute that babysitter has fallen through) - I'd rather stay at home than stand in a barn all night - I know exactly what it will be like
E) Something else - what?

Thanks - sorry it's so long, not proof read - I hope it makes sense!

Also - sorry, post crossed - they know it isn't my thing so why put my in the situation in the first place(?) that's what I'm fed up about.

So why not let them get on with it and you arrange something else separate from it all then? Go and see your parents. How about this K you say will not be going, can you not do something with her?

Still think they are all selfish meanies!

Or actually, just be honest with them all and your dp, say that they know it's not your thing and you don't want to go. If they want to arrange something in the barn then fine, as long as they do it themselves because you won't be going.

then they are not very nice friends if they are prepared to blackmail you into doing this at the expense of your own enjoyment! Stand up for yourself and say no thanks. Otherwise you will dread this for weeks.

It does sound like you're outgrowing them or have already outgrown them.

They don't sound very nice. Would go with Crunchie's suggestion.

Oh, and do I now have to refer to CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell crumble? Bugger.

As for them thinking you're dull - because a cold barn on a winter night with hard house music is fun is it?

Very tasy HM!

Tasty even!

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ha ha HM, sounds like hell doesn't it? Miou, my post should have said "Ahhh, I thought CRSEIH was Rhubarb, I was right!", sorry, that would have been clearer!

www, oh I see - am suffering from a touch of nappy brain

As the barn is on J's farm - it's really up to J to organise/host it. Bloody cheeky expecting you to do it.

If D really wants to go to it, why not book an evening meal out with him if that's what you want, and he can go later?

Because all J's friends are really D's friends iyswim. It's all very inbred I know!

I was thinking this morning about calling K and seeing if I can tag along with her and her mates. She's married and lives about 40miles away from us now.

Oh and no am not married to a farmer... yet! would be if I had my way mind!!

I also think my friends have been out of order on this issue but thought I was been unreasonable. Am glad you all think I'm right though!! thanks, you've all made me feel so much better.

I have sent A a text saying that I reminded D the other day to have a look in barn and also that I feel like I'm in an awkward position (but didn't elaborate), D already know's I'm not overly keen on idea so am just going to leave it at that I think. They have really p'd me off and I think I will say something next time I see them.

Especially now you all think it's unfair, I don't feel like I'm being so out of order.

Do you have kids? Who's gonna look after them whilst this rave is going on? His parents? Why not take them out instead?

my dd is going to her dads this new years eve - it's the first new years eve I've had off since she was born. Also I dont' live on said farm - dp and I don't live together and his parents own the farm, well technically d and his dad own the farm

God, if it's the first new years eve you've had off since she was born, book into a nice hotel (or make your house as close to one as you can), drink Champagne, have a great time and a lie in!

I agree! Let them do whatever it is they want to do on the farm, you book a nice weekend away! I certainly wouldn't waste one of my free weekends at a rave party in a barn!

I'm deffo going to do my own thing! thanks!!