To fat to go on a date

[whatever17]

I know a bloke who lives near my Mum and Dad. He works near them and runs into Mum quite a lot and I chat to him now and then if I see him.

He does some freelance gardening on the side and I asked him to come and do mine. We had a nice chat at mine when he was there and then I texted him to say, thanks, great job. He phoned me as soon as I had texted and we had a chat. A bit of a laugh and he said he didnt know how to text.

I texted him a week later and said a friend wanted help in her garden, could I pass on his details. He phoned straight away again and we chatted and laughed for about an hour. However, I was a bit pissed.

Then he said "when are we gonna get together then?"

I said "oh I have a busy w/e with the kids but could do Monday"

He said, "great".

BUT - I am a size 22-24. I used to be a trim-ish 16 (slimmish but big tits) then I had a horrific break up and went mental and stayed indoors and ate and drank for Great Britain. I haven't had sex in 5 years.

I don't think I can go on a date with him. It might go fine, then what? I can't take my clothes off.

I'm a size 22 and pregnant. Sex is no problem, trust me . But I do understand. I don't know how I would feel to have to start dating again. But I do know how much of my life I have wasted by thinking that I'll do x and y when I'm slim. He obviously fancies you, that should be a bit of a boost. Go for it!

OMG are you ME but about 12 years ago?! Seriously almost the same situation and I'm currently lying in bed next to my sleeping, gorgeous, wonderful husband...the guy who I plucked up the courage to date after 5 years single.

Go for it, and keep us posted :o

I can 'hear' the desperation and stress in your posts. You seem to be panicking and if you do that you will cancel your night out!!

Calm down. He has already shown his interest in you. You can go for a drink and a chat, cinema one night, dinner another night and so on until you feel more up for some romantic action. If he tries it on with you just back away and tell him you want to take things slowly and take it from there.

Have fun! You deserve to have some fun. And if it doesn't work out at least you will have had some fun out of it other than pure stress.

Can you afford to buy some new make up/ some control pants and and a new dress?? You will feel and look lovely and it will give you a bit more confidence. Or try and get a haircut or colour in? Nothing too drastic needed because he obviously likes you the way you are!!

Please go and enjoy a night out and let us know how it goes

whatever Take the pressure off yourself and just go and have some fun. It sounds like you might not be ready for the physical side of a relationship so just slow down a bit. Just because you're going for a drink (don't call it a date) doesn't mean you are commited to swinging from the chandelier on the first outing!!

I feel for you - I know what it's like to have self esteem issues. I think you should recognise that and try and deal with the self esteem stuff as soon as you can. But in the meantime, just have some uncomplicated fun.

As other posters have said, he knows what you look like, and from a blokes perspective, he sounds like he really likes you. I wouldn't be surprised if he does like the thought of you bouncing arond on top of him!!

Anway, I'll say it a third time, take the pressure off and take it as slowly or as quickly as you want to.

Good luck :)

I've had conversations with men about (friends) about women and they all say that a confident women is what's attractive. He's seen you, he likes you go for it (and don't mention your size).

Tom Scavo says;

You are thinking too far ahead. Go out on a date, enjoy yourself and see how it goes.

If you are the right size to be asked out you are the right size to go on a date.

I totally agree about not mentioning your size in any way, and certainly not making apologies for it. It hasn't put him off being attracted to you! You sound lovely, have fun

He knows what you look like and he obviously likes how you look! Don't worry about the potential for sex just yet - it may not ever get that far. But rest assured, if it does, then by that stage he will already have decided that he fancies you like fuck, so he will LOVE whatever is under your clothes. I know us women find it hard to believe because we've been brainwashed into thinking we should all look like Kylie, but loads of men genuinely do go crazy for big women.

As lovely Daffs says, he likes the fact that you're confident. Don't go all wobbly now.

I hope you have a lovely time - report back instantly!

sorry, I made that sound like he is a fat fetishist. The point is, he obviously thinks you are fun, and fun women are sexy women, whatever their size.

I'm dying to hear how this turns out!

I feel a little bit like this, OP - with the major difference that I've no dates, or sign of a date - on the horizon. I've quite successfully learned to like my new, larger and older body, but only my thin one has been sexually active iyswim.

My previous twats partners cared very much about me being thin, so I've no experience of a man finding me sexy for myself rather than how well I fitted their 'template'. I realise my chances of having a good relationship are probably better with someone I meet while looking like a normal woman (This looks weird, I hope you get what I mean!) but can't imagine it

So I NEED you to go on this date and tell me how it went!!!

As others have said, confidence is everything to a man.

The fact he has already seen what you look like should tell you everything you need to know! Enjoy.....

Agree.

He likes you! He wants to go out with you.

Don't put yourself down.

Oh, and he's already seen you naked. Men can see straight through your clothes, you know! So he already knows what you look like. And he likes it.

Stop being so hard on yourself! See what he obviously sees.

Hello, Watever17!
I totally get where you are coming from - I'm a 20/22 and, like you, was most happy with my figure when at a size 16. (Curvy with big boobs - I WILL get it back!!!!)
Also, like you, I panicked when a bloke showed any interest - the thought of having sex with someone new terrifies me. A while ago when life was a bit tricky generally and I was suffering with depression, I got ridiculously paranoid to the extent where if any bloke talked to me in a pub or anything I pulled away and went home convinced he'd been dared to pull "the fat girl" or something.

Anyway, even though Im still not my ideal size, I've learned to accept that I'm not bad looking, have a sense of humour and a decent career and that it might, just MIGHT be possible that a bloke is genuinely interested.

You sound great and this guy is clearly interested, you definitely seem to click from what you've told us - go on your date, stand tall, don't slump or hide yourself away. Keep us updated! :-)
xx

Anyway - the "date" was Monday. I didn't hear from him Sunday night to confirm. To be fair, I was a bit pissed when he asked me out and I think I might I have said I would confirm. BUT - if I was wondering who was meant to confirm he should have been also.

So, I called my BFF on Monday morning and said "what shall I do?" she said "nothing, put your make up and hair on and if he turns up, fab, if he doesn't, well".

Honestly, I was ill and streaming with a cold, honest, I went to sleep Sunday night with tissues stuffed up my nose to stem the drip, honest.

So, at 2.10 pm (he, presumably, would have turned up at 3.20) I phoned and said I was ill. I said I was sorry to leave it late but had hoped that a kip and loads of cold medicine would sort it.

He was super nice, said he was sorry I was ill and asked about my w/e. I told him about my w/e, some stuff about my kids which he responded to and was nice about. Then I asked about his w/e and he told me.

I said "sorry, just ill, probably infectious". He said "well, let's do something later then".

I am going to leave it in his hands now, he knows my number.

However, I feel that he has been a symbol for me.

I don't know whether this is the guy for me but I think I am ready to try again.

I will: lose weight and buy new knickers. It's time to get back on the horsey again.

I think he will try again and I will keep you all informed! I am terrified of having sex again.

And, he may want me to bounce around on him, not sure I would want to face a manslaughter charge!!!

Butwhyisthegingone - as a matter of interest. I was a curvy 16 too. 12/14 on the bottom and 16/18 on the top and I was 5'3 or 4" and 10.5 - 11 stone. I feel that I was healthy and strong and attractive at that weight. Why did you put on weight?

I think I have a mental problem with food and appetite and I am so bored of it. I have been sick this week and can't smell or taste anything and have lost 6 lbs. Easy when you are well fat.

I don't want to be Kate Moss, just "normal" - a sauncy 16 would be fab.

I think I need group therapy. Not WW - it sends me into a tailspin, just some group to talk to about food.

He said when we were on the phone "you can't half chat" - and laughed. I am so out of touch, I think that was a good thing. I am actually a mix, I am sociable but also desperately need "quiet time" with myself and a book. And, I have got shy cos of my fatness.

My tits are crap now after being fat and b/f ing 2 kids (just being fat really) and I think my fanny is probably crap after having 2 kids too.

I know I sound like a nutter, but I think some people feel the same as me.

But, on the other side, I wouldn't mind if a bloke was a bit fat or had winky probs, I just want to be chums and see if something develops.

From experience I know that winky problems iron out with support, maybe female body probs sort out too?!

God, I sound like a depressive nutter, I'm not! Just thinking aloud.

Whatever....go to your GP, ask about wright loss help, my GP offers one to one and group sessions which can be fantastic. Hope you feel better soon and get on that date!!!

Sorry to but in half way through a tread but I have to add something. If you cancelled the date you should call him to arrange another. He asked you out to start with so if you ar interested you shouldnt make him do all the running.

And for what its worth you are NOT too fat to date! Dont waste your time putting off stuff till you lose weight. Live your life and if you want to lose weigh on the way.

Hello, I've been in the same position. I didn't have sex for 8 years and I'm large. I took the plunge and I've been merrily experiencing men for the last 6 months - they don't seem to mind my size at all and if I'm honest, it has improved my sexual confidence to a degree that I feel better about myself now (nearly 50 and size 20) than I did when I was a size 12 and 21 years old. Of course you'll be nervous the first time - don't feel as if you have to have sex straight away though - only when you're ready! All I can say is that based on my own experience, you'll soon get back into the swing of it. Good luck luvvie, he sounds like a nice bloke! (Don't you dare make any excuses for yourself though- you're overweight, not an axe murderer for heaven's sake! Nothing to apologise to anyone for.)

I DEFINITELY agree with thingsbeachanging! You cancelled him due to being ill, so he may be think it was a delicate brush off. He might be feeling a bit unsure about where he stands now. You should text him when you are feeling better and casually say that you are well enough to meet up now, so you'd like to hear from him again if he still fancies going out. That he way he still asks you out, but you've given him a friendly nudge.

I agree, I think you should contact him to arrange another time to meet him whatever17. Have a lovely time..

Hello whatever! Glad to hear he's still sounding keen, though I think you could be right as well abut him being a "symbol." Impressive weight loss this week, am jealous... In all honesty, apart from some dickheads, most of the men I've slept with have liked me, horrible body and all.
To answer your question - I put on the weight due to a combination of the contraceptive implant and an abusive twat of a boyfriend who wouldn't "let" me lose weight..i know...i know... :-( Now I think I'm probably what they call an emotional eater, but I am getting there....

Hope your cold is better! Have fun getting back on the horse!

Nooo don't leave it in his hands. When you are better you need to ring him up and reschedule!