Herpes

[TalesOfTheUnexpected]

Nice......NOT! :)

So, last boyfriend ended up giving me herpes. He had a cold sore, we stupidly had oral sex and I ended up with quite a nasty infection on my fanjo

The GUM clinic said as it was HSV1 (i.e. oral herpes), and because it was HSV1 I would be unlikely to get another outbreak. If it had been HSV2 (genital herpes), that would have been bad news.

So what do I tell my new partner? Keep quiet and say nothing? or tell them I'm probably infected with something they may catch (and then they will run a bloody mile).

Fabbychic, you dont half talk a lot of shite. Why dont you think occasionally before typing.

I have had type one genitally since I was 19 - I am now 35. In that time I have had several partners, including a marriage and another long term relationship. None of the people I have tild have had a problem, so please take any notice of Fabbychic.

I agree you should be honest and upfront, but when you do tell someone, be calm and factual and let them ask as much as they want. In the scheme of things it really is a minor condition.

You poor bugger. People ask for advice and get grief in return. Makes me rather angry! Please ignore the bullshit people are giving you which is being described as advice.

If he's a half decent man he will understand. If he's not, he won't. Would you want to be with someone who isn't half decent? Chances are, he's probably had a STD of some form himself. Good luck! :)

try this website for factual and non judgy advice and info:

www.herpes.org.uk/art_kinghorn.html

I have herpes...and found that no man has refused sex with me when they have had chance to consider it and find out about it.....do need to tell them though....and not in heat of moment

EricNorthmansMistress and Xales - thanks

Yes, I am pissed off at being left with this hepes thing. It wasn't as though the ex-bf had a crusty old cold-sore and we went bang at it anyway. He had what looked like a scrape well below his bottom lip.

Having done some more Googling I agree that I was probably mis-informed and further outbreaks are going to happen.

It's just one of those things I suppose but I won't be hanging up my dating hat quite yet. I'll be up front and honest and take it from there.

• herpes

Crumbs, I can't even spell what I have! lol

I didn't know it cannot be cured so sorry about that. But I certainly would not have a relationship with someone with herpes. That's just my take on it. when you start having sex with someone it is very early days when no feelings are involved so it's easy for someone to say no sorry I don't want to risk it.

I do think the older generation would be more tolerant, I guess really it depends on your age bracket.

I have faith (just about) in there being civilised people still out there somewhere, people who won't judge you due to a minor STD if they genuinely care for you. If I were seeing someone with an STD, yes, I'd weigh up how much I cared for them, but if I realised I did care for them, it wouldn't matter to me.

Thankfully nobody on here is likely to want to have a sexual relationship with you, Fabbychic - so your views are pretty irrelevant. What gets stupid is when you take how you feel and assume that's how everyone feels....

Oh dear....poor old fabbychic....need to be a little more tolerant, contracting a virus is something that happens to everyone! i am sure you have had chicken pox! or even a little cold sore?

I'd be interested to know fabbychic, have you never in your life had a cold sore?

I've never had one >

Neither have I but if EricNorthmansMistress is correct then 75% of the population is a hell of a lot of people with herpes.

Fabby some of the time your really are an ignorant old goat. Why do you always post as if what you say is fact. If what you say were true people with HIV would never find partners after being diagnosed with the illness, i think you'll find this is untrue.

OP you do have a responsibility to tell partners. I work in sexual health and know lots of people who have been given herpes by somebody who said they hadn't told them as they didn't think they could pass it on if they don't have active blisters they are always really pissed off about it. I also see lots of people who are aware of partners condition and it doesn't bother them.

75% of UK pop have either type one or type two, type one is usually oral, type two is more rare and much nastier. 50% of those infected never have a symptom. You can't contract it more than once, you can't contract both types in one area, you can't contract one type in both areas

Go and speak to your GP about Aciclovir. It really works wonders and I always keep a full prescription ready. FWIW - no-one has ever told me that they wouldn't sleep with me because of herpes throughout my teens, twenties or thirties It isn't nice but there is a lot worse out there.

FabbyChick is seriously deranged. She sounds so bitter and try hard.

OP - don't stress too much about it. Just keep communication open with potential partners and you will be just fine.

Fabby is often like that tho,well known for it,she can speak sense but often not.

Thanks for all your replies. I have had 2 nice and very supportive pm's.

I know what to do. Honesty is the best policy.

Subject closed eh?

I have type 1 genitally also. Think I caught it from an ex boyfriend who went down there with a cold sore when I was 17. A few weeks later I got my first outbreak which was horrendous, and subsequent ones have all occurred when my immune system is low and have been very mild thankfully.

Here are some facts -

Once you have Herpes, it will 'live' in your nerve endings and may re-activate again. You cannot ever get rid of it completely, but good diet, lifestyle and vitamins can much reduce the chances of another outbreak .

Don't be ashamed, a hell of a lot of the population actually carry this virus, however most don't get an outbreak at all, so they won't even know they have it.

A person who has never had a cold sore on their mouth is more likely to show symptoms if they catch it genitally.

The virus is highly infectious during an actual outbreak, and even when not during an outbreak viral shedding can occur which can infect a partner, although the risk of infection with no actual sores is very low, and even more so the longer you have had the virus.

You can take anti-virals daily until you are ready to tell your new partner, which will reduce the risk of him contracting it to pretty much zero . Wouldn't advocate taking them for years though, just until you feel comfortable telling him. Go to your local gum clinic or GP.

I was scared of telling my current DP of 5 years about 4 months in I told him after the constant anti-virals to prevent transmission were giving me sore stomachs, terrified of his reaction, but he just said "oh yeah, i think i may have had a spot looking like a cold sore down there once before - don't worry about it" I was terrified I would pass it to him but he must have a good immune system as he has never had an outbreak yet, and I don't take the anti-virals.

I had a relationship with someone with HSV-2. He told me well ahead of any physical contact and we took the necessary precautions and I did a lot of research. He was/is a lovely man and I am grateful to have had him in my life, if only for a short time. We remain dear friends.

He gave me the option to opt out but I opted in after arming myself with the facts.

PS - he didn't pass anything on to me!

If you or someone you know is living with herpes or other STDs, please come visit us at HerpesGroups.com. You are MORE than your STD, so give yourself a chance to love again. No rejection or discrimination.

OMG! I am shocked by some of the posters on here. FabbyChic you have come across as misinformed at best; nasty and unintelligent at worst.

Tales, there is no reason why you cannot have a normal, loving sexual relationship. Would you have a relationship with someone with a coldsore? Probably, right? Well, this is just the same thing but in a different area. Your relationships will probably have to start with some openess, honesty and trust - that's a good thing right?

Herpes virus is not 'curable', it will circulate in your blood for life, as it does for those of us who have coldsores. Will you let it run your life? I really hope not.

Here is some advice on telling partners: www.ihmf.com/general/resources01.asp

I really wish you the best of luck. It really is just a virus.

My DW has exactly the same as you, OP. She told me about it because she had an outbreak after we'd been together a few months. It's not a big deal but you should tell your partner.

It's probably only right to tell people, but honestly, herpes isn't THAT big of a deal. Not trying to minimise your feelings about this of course! I wouldn't be happy if I got it either, but in the long run, it's really not that major. I'm sure lots of people won't have a problem with it!

No longer, "probably" right to tell people, now obligatory by law. (sorry if there has been another thread on this, not seen it) It was headline news on the free paper yesterday that a man has been jailed for giving his partner herpes, she says he didn't tell her, I think she has also sold this story to Closer magazine.

While I agree it is dreadful that he didn't tell her and he should be punished somehow, I can't help thinking this sets a really dangerous precedent. What if an angry ex, who caught herpes but was told about it, decides to change their story to one that they were never told?

The worry to me is that, as long it is not on your medical record, it can't be proved that you knew that you had it so people will be less likely to go for STi checks and more serious STis, that are fertility or life threatening will go undiagnosed.