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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you think your DP had mental problems if they told you they didn't want to be with because...

74 replies

bristolcities · 30/06/2011 16:49

he was still in love with every single girlfriend he had ever had including his first when he was 15. With tears to prove it.

I'm devastated and confused. He is leaving me and his son because he is still in love with 4 other people!

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 30/06/2011 22:00

bristol - let's just say he's over his 37-year infatuation Grin

lookingfoxy · 30/06/2011 22:22

If he's always had back to back girlfriends, then you can bet that its the same situation this time.
Im so sorry your going through this, what an absolute arsehole!

AnyFucker · 30/06/2011 22:58

he is a classic serial monogamist with twat overtones

what a pillock

let him go...6 months from now you will be jumping for joy

hurryup · 30/06/2011 23:24

He sounds a complete twat. I can't believe that there are so many of them around!! Move swiftly on, you're worth so much more.

garlicnutter · 30/06/2011 23:28

?There is only one woman in the world. One woman, with many faces?
(Nikos Kazantzakis, "The Last Temptation of Christ")

He meant women are interchangeable. The passage is about how he meets a woman who fulfils all his needs, loves her to abstraction, then she pisses him off somehow and he moves on to another woman who fulfils all his needs, loves her to abstraction ...

He always carried a torch for one of the old ones, too. He was a great writer and philosopher, but rather - umm, flighty.

springydaffs · 01/07/2011 00:18

Grin at 'flighty'

what a headfuck. YOu are so well out bristol. what a complete moron. thank God you found out now that he will only ever love himself. [blue]

Original poster
bristolcities · 01/07/2011 08:27

Thank you all so much for your responses, so I have come to the conclusion that he is an arse. Still hurts like hell. We have had breaks in the past and although short whilst these breaks happen he has no interest in his son. It's like he cant separate his feelings for us. SO I'm not holding my breath that DS is gonna have much of a dad any more Sad

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 01/07/2011 11:43

OK, dry your eyes and pop to the CAB. With a man as selfish and self-obsessed as this, you need things legally cut & dried ie what access he will have to DS (sadly the court can't force him to see DS but if you set out reasonable access in writing and he doesn't turn up, he then can't sue you for access and label you as unreasonable at a later date) and what maintenance he will pay you. Have as little contact with him as possible and treat him with polite indifference when you do have to speak to him.
You're well out of it and you will soon feel much better. Best of luck.

Original poster
bristolcities · 01/07/2011 11:48

God this is awful how long does the feeling last? Being as that I have been with him since 17 I have no idea about the breaking up process, I had no idea it would hurt so badly. I will see the CAB but I think at the moment if i try and explain I will end up blubbing.

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 01/07/2011 11:52

Blubbing is totally acceptable!

Yeah, nothing prepares us for it, does it? :( You need lots of friends & lovely people around you now.

Original poster
bristolcities · 01/07/2011 21:11

I couldn't cook dinner tonight so DS had a pot noodle and a mini roll so not only can I not keep a man, who also never felt fully committed to me but also i'm being a shit mum Sad

Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.

OP posts:
ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow · 01/07/2011 21:15

In what way is "keeping a man" who is an arse a standard that you should hold yourself to?

Bet DS thought pot noodle dinner was exciting novelty.

Original poster
bristolcities · 01/07/2011 21:20

He bloody loved it Smile. I'm trying to convince my self that it's a normal Friday night treat.

I'm just totally gutted. I know he's an arse and he was pretty vile through out but I'm not sure I care.

OP posts:
Wisedupwoman · 02/07/2011 17:22

So sorry bristolcities, but you will feel better soon, and much sooner than you think.

Pot-noodles are fine. Crisps are fine. Beans on toast are fine. Anything out of the freezer is fine.

Fuckwittery is very much not fine. It won't be long, is my guess, before your runaway H is finding out just how much his behaviour is going to come back and bite him where it hurts. Be prepared for that. Be prepared for some prize snivelling. He is, after all, almost as old as your DS, so will need some tlc, poor lamb.

In the meantime take control, like other posters have said. Know your rights and start the ball rolling. Can you ask a friend in RL to do a little hand-holding for these? I ask because when in shock, it's hard to hang on to information and ask the right questions.

Original poster
bristolcities · 02/07/2011 22:40

Thank you so much I really appreciate it. I feel pretty isolated. Good trick by ex p that one. And spending all day with a little boy is no substitute. I feel awful, only compounded by his the shit excuse and the massive head fuck. The totally about turn is one thing (we were actually getting on a million % better than normal) but the ''I'm in love with every one I have ever stuck my cock in is on a whole other level.

OP posts:
Original poster
bristolcities · 02/07/2011 22:41

ooops missed out a ''

OP posts:
Original poster
bristolcities · 21/07/2011 18:32

So wow he was seeing someone else. There aren't multiple girls, just the one, who he is madly in love with. So much so i have been made to feel like the OW. She had no idea i existed and they have been seeing each other since Christmas. They apparently have a 'home' together and I was a stop gap. Literally used for some were to stay. I am an idiot. And the only reason i found out was because he changed his facebook pic (yeah I know the whole facebook thing is utterly moronic).

I am just so confused. He was telling us both he wanted marriage more children/children. There was no reason to say that to me, things were muddling along ok and despite his appalling behavior in general I never would have left him.

OP posts:
Miggsie · 21/07/2011 18:38

You'd better warn the other woman that as he has done to you, so it will be done to her as he seems to have the emotional depth of a wafer thin slice of ham...you are well rid.

BitOfFun · 21/07/2011 18:42

Good Lord! Have a Wine, and thank goodness you're rid of him. What a twassock.

Original poster
bristolcities · 21/07/2011 18:50

Miggsie I can't tell you how relieved that message has made me. Because I have told her. I received the most discusing barrage of bile. I have been called every name under the sun and accused of stalking him for daring to look at the profile pic. I was trying to send him a message to see if he would be seeing his son for his birthday, he didn't. Not so much as a bloody text.
But I felt like i was going mad, I have been questioning my decision to tell her and wandering if maybe I am the ''obsessed fruit loop set out to ruin his life'' he has told me i am.
I have had to face a relentless of questioning from the OW, including what bags he had when he left etc. And heard awful details like how he literally went from my bed to hers with in the space of a couple of hours. But still I am the bad one for assuming it's my place to tell the truth.
This has easily been the worst couple of weeks of my life.

OP posts:
Original poster
bristolcities · 21/07/2011 18:51

Funny you should say that BOF Smile

OP posts:
RabbitPie · 21/07/2011 19:04

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pregnantpause · 21/07/2011 19:11

How awful for you. Damn right you had to tell ow. Stalking?! He is your sons father, therefore you will have to be a part of his life, doesn't he get it? Relentless questions from her? If I were you id have had a few. Questions of my own.
You must be incredibly strong to deal with this. All I can say is that you are better of without him. X

pregnantpause · 21/07/2011 19:14

On a depressing but practical note it might be best to visit a sexual health clinic just in case that slime passed anything to you. Ow should do the same.

HairyGrotter · 21/07/2011 19:17

Fucking hell, what an utter cunt of a man.

Spineless, little scrote. You and your son are well rid, hope time treats you well and you heal quickly. He is a waste of a soul.