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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

xh is he a scrooge?

65 replies

davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 08:09

my ds phoned me last night, he had been to meet his brother to support him with relationship problems, he missed the bus home sunday night as he hadn't realised his last bus was 6pm. ds phoned his dad to see if he could stay at his house for the night,(my xh) his dad allowed him to stay over, when ds was ready to leave they gave him an itemised bill and demanded he paid straight away.
sarni and cup of tea £6
glass of juice £2
bed for the night £30
2 slices of toast £3
cup of tea £2
anyone else got a scrooge as dh/dp/xh ?
both xh and his wife have very good paying jobs.

OP posts:
frantic51 · 28/06/2011 09:07

He used weapons on your DD?! And would use them on your DSs if they didn't do as he said?! OP you need legal help, this man needs to be restrained!!!!! Angry

mummytime · 28/06/2011 09:24

For the money, it would be cheaper to stay in a B and B. I would suggest your DS's move away asap.

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 09:36

i have tried everything i can to stop this but ds's are to scared to talk to anyone, police won't act on anything as i have no proof, what makes my blood boil is the fact that police have been called 14 times, and they get away with it, both xh and his wife work with children ss say they are dangerous but nothing can be done as police haven't charged them,

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 28/06/2011 10:10

I still don't understand though why DS1 is choosing to live with him, and DS2 chooses to stay with him

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 10:22

ds only says he lives with his dad as he is unemployed, and needs an address, he moves around from friend to friend, he is to scared to come and stay with me as his dad has threatened him, ie his dad will come n burn us alive if he came to stay with me, xh means this. as for ds that stayed with his dad for the night, he missed his bus and lives about 35miles away,he couldn't afford a taxi home and was stuck, he thought he was safer staying with his dad instead of being on the streets for the night,

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 28/06/2011 10:26

"ds only says he lives with his dad as he is unemployed, and needs an address"

If he is unemployed, why can't he come and live with you? If the situation is that bad, it just doesn't make any sense

And tbh if you DS2 is 22, then misses his bus when he can't afford a taxi, then Hmm. Was he drunk?

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 10:35

do you know anything about sn? he has learning difficulties and asd, and no he wasn't drunk, the bus is normally every hour and he didn't realise that sunday service stopped at 6pm, he went to catch the 7pm and found out the busses had stopped at 6

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 28/06/2011 10:37

Sorry I though you said it was your other son who had sn

I still don't get why your other son chooses to live with him though

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 10:39

he don't live there he moves around from friend to friend he uses his dads address as postal address for job applications etc, his dad charges him £40 a week for this

OP posts:
pink4ever · 28/06/2011 10:41

Sorry but I am finding it very hard to believe any of this. Your dh is violent to the point of using weapons yet you let both your ds stay with himHmm. You say the police have been called numerous times but there is no evidence? well surely if he used weapons then there would be bruises/cuts?. The police have to take domestic violence very seriously nowadays. I dont know whereabouts you are but in scotland if there is even a suggestion of domestic violence then the perpetrator is removed from the home and can be ordered to stay away.
I sympathise that your ds has sn but what about the other one?. Why does he not stay with you?.

allnewtaketwo · 28/06/2011 10:44

I'm with pink4ever.

And if your DS just uses his father's house just as an address, then why wouldn't he use your address, for free?

So basically your DS is unemployed and homeless? Is there nothing you can do to help him?

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 10:46

read above!!!! police have seen bruises cuts etc, they just ignore it, or blame the person who's got bruises

OP posts:
Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 10:47

i have begged ds to stay with me but he says that would put us all in danger,

OP posts:
allnewtaketwo · 28/06/2011 10:49

If you DS is unemployed and homeless, how does he afford to pay his father £40 pw to act as a postbox?

pink4ever · 28/06/2011 10:51

The police ignore the bruises?Hmm. Then take it further. Speak to someone higher up in the police force. Document all incidents,collect evidence,take photos etc. Contact womans aid asap and get their advice.
If you fear for your own safety at home then also tell police that. Can you move? If you are in council accomodation then inform them that you cannot remain there.
You seem to be doing nothing to protect either your dcs or even yourself?.

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 10:51

xh has my address as his solicitor gave it to him when the divorce came through, i can't move again as i'm buying this house with my dp

OP posts:
pink4ever · 28/06/2011 10:53

Why do you say in your profile that you only have 1 child?. What is your partner doing to protect you and help your dcs?.

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 10:54

i have gone to the chief of police for help but still get nothing, given photographic evidence of bruises etc, medical reports of broken bones i have suffered but as i said it still gets ignored,

OP posts:
CrapolaDeVille · 28/06/2011 10:55

OP....You need to stop and get this sorted, get some outside help to convine your children to prosecute your EX.

EnSuiteShed · 28/06/2011 10:55

"he says you can get away with anything as long as you smile while your doing it"

This man sounds very very dangerous indeed.

I am not sure what you can do, but I urge you to try and get your sons as far away from him as possible.

pink4ever · 28/06/2011 10:55

No I do not believe this. The police do not ignore medical evidence of abuse. They cannot afford to.

CrapolaDeVille · 28/06/2011 10:56

Medical reports for broken bones and they do nothing????? Police complaints commission....NOW.

pink4ever · 28/06/2011 10:59

Again why does your profile say you only have one child?.

EnSuiteShed · 28/06/2011 11:02

"he thought he was safer staying with his dad instead of being on the streets for the night"

I would debate that.

This guy sounds like a monster.

I am sorry - I just cannot believe that the police and social services would ignore all this evidence - especially broken bones!

Do you mind me asking what the police actually said when you called them up and then showed them evidence (bruising/cuts etc)

Original poster
davidsotherhalf · 28/06/2011 11:02

our police take this seriously but they have to pass it on to his police force as he's in a different county and they do nothing

OP posts: