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Original poster

This is why i was getting mixed signals. I feel sick.

39 replies

veryconfusing · 20/06/2011 07:29

From my thread the other day - now on page two.
He told me last night hes in love with someone else. She is married. They have never slept together,it was an emotional affair and she is staying with her husband.
It had only been going on a few months ( he was seeing someone else earlier on in the year) and how he thinks about her all the time and wishes she would pick him and how he will wait forever for her.

I feel sick.

So, basically i was used when he felt lonely and wanted distracting from this, i was, in part the temporary antidote.

So - he was giving mixed signals, it was not be being crazy or desperate or anything else anyone called me, I was in fact, just being used.

OP posts:
Besom · 20/06/2011 07:46

I've seen your other thread but not read it all. The way to look at this is that it's good you found this out so early on. I know you feel rubbish but it would have been a lot worse 6 months or a year down the line. Have you finished it with him now? I would chalk it up to a learning experience if I were you and go out and do something nice for yourself.

Besom · 20/06/2011 07:54

Also forgot to say that he is a tosser.

When I was a lot younger I went out with someone for a few weeks who had really pursued me (I wasn't that into him) and then told me he was 'in love' with someone else. I was really angry at the time because it was my pride which was hurt really. Also a tosser.

CareyFakes · 20/06/2011 07:58

He's a bellend and should've not pursued a 'relationship' if he is still in love with someone else.

My pride would take a bashing, but I'd jump straight back into it. Fuck it, move on, don't let it put you off, enjoy yourself.

Trestired · 20/06/2011 08:15

On no! Yet ANOTHER twat.

And I don't think anyone was calling you sad or desperate...just a bit overly keen...I bet you wished you ignored the fucker completely now.

Perhaps you should tell him if that is the kind of tosser that he is, that is why the other woman decided to stay with her husband. Or read the 'Ideas for revenge' thread.

Time to get your friends around, your Aretha 'Respect' on, and the voddy out. (Well a bit later...it's a bit early for that.)

LordSucre · 20/06/2011 08:19

what a knobber. You would be well rid .

toptramp · 20/06/2011 08:33

She won't leave her husband but he's going to wait for her? In other words steal her? Twat.

AnyFucker · 20/06/2011 08:34

oh dear, sorry to hear that

hope you are ok, but you did very well to pick up on red flags and listen to your instincts so quickly

the only mistake you made, love (it seems to me anyway) is that you fell too far, too fast (and took everything he said as gospel)

better luck next time (and slooooow dowwwwwwwn Smile )

Original poster
veryconfusing · 20/06/2011 09:07

i didnt fall in love with him, but i did believe what he said, I dont often get compliments, and it was nice to get them, it was flattering to be chased.

Next time - with my track record will be in about a year. Its almost exacally a year since i had the ' there is no spark, but i will fuck you' date.

My sister was talking about this this weekend, noone can figure out why i am resoundly single.

OP posts:
gawdonbennett · 20/06/2011 09:45

See the thing is, a bloke will quite happily have sex with a woman with total emotional detachment and still be in love with another person.
Tis always been that way and probably always will.
Shite I know. But I've done it myself so it makes me a fucker as well.

Original poster
veryconfusing · 20/06/2011 09:53

and i can do that too.
Women can too. If you know that that is what it is. What is not on, is pretending you want something else, pretending you want a relationship.

A one night stand, yeah fine, but to chase after someone.. ( sometimes) when you are feeling lonely and wanting distracting from the crapness of your own situtation is not on. its a shit thing to do.

and if you have done exacally that, then you are also a fucker.

OP posts:
gawdonbennett · 20/06/2011 09:59

No...I have never done that. I'm always pretty upfront about things.
But I have had sex with women who I have no intention of starting a relationship with.
Does that still tick the box marked 'fucker' ?

AnyFucker · 20/06/2011 10:00

if you were totally honest, then no, sorry GB you can't claim the dubious title of "fucker"

only deceit and dishonesty is true fucker behaviour

HerHissyness · 20/06/2011 10:06

But love? is this the guy you went on a second date with the other day? and he had the photo of his separated DW up? and you commented upon it?

Love, you are getting WAY too emotionally involved way too early.

Why would you be devastated? you barely know the guy, really! The guy is possibly a player, and who can blame him really if his wife did the dirty on him, he's no-where near ready for a relationship either! Thank your lucky stars you found out now rather than 6m down the line!

You need to learn to be with and enjoy yourself, love yourself and demand the same from others, don't go chasing, I feel you may be giving off desperation vibes, and that always get the bastards flocking. Grin

If I were a guy and you came into my home on the 2nd date, and made comments about the photos I had up in my home of the mother of my kids, I'd be looking for a way out too. sorry, but I would.

Reset your guy-radar, don't go in looking for marriage, look for fun, enjoyment and friendship. anything else that develops - over several weeks/months - is a bonus.

Stop thinking you have failed because you are not in a relationship. You have not. I'd be happy to be on my own forever than spend another second in my last relationship. I don't care if I ever find anyone again, I love myself, though could do even more IYSWIM, but it's early days and I have plenty of time for me and my new freedom.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/06/2011 10:07

No, gawdon, I don't think it does. Although if it were with a woman who wants to start a relationship with you, regardless of you telling her that is not your intention, I don't think you should go there. Best to ensure you're both at least starting on the same page, as far as possible.

HerHissyness · 20/06/2011 10:08

Sorry, this is not the photograph guy, but it's a second date, you have known him 10 days...

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 20/06/2011 10:09

I don't think this man is that much of a villain. He had two dates with the OP, so hardly a case of stringing her along for ages. He doesn't appear to have claimed she was his soulmate or anything. He's also told her now that he is not available for a relationship with her, so he's been honest.
And it's not exactly evil behaviour, if you have a crush on someone unavailable, to try dating other people. Dating is about checking the other person out, seeing if you like him/her, it does not involve deep commitment from the very first text. The OP said on her other thread that she wants to know if the man will commit to her on the first date, which is a desperate mindset and one which will cause her more misery than she needs.

HerHissyness · 20/06/2011 10:10

Blush opens mouth, changes feet

looks for EDIT button....

Original poster
veryconfusing · 20/06/2011 10:10

sex with someone who you dont want a relationship with is fine. As long as all involved is ok with that.
Im not some kind of prude, im way more the other way and am much more free thinking than that ( possibly too much the other way)

Sex is sex, to be enjoyed i think.

Saying you want someone, and even telling someone they have got you all wrong and do want a relationship, when you dont is lying fuckwit behaviour.

You are partially let of then ;)

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 20/06/2011 10:12

Of course sex is to be enjoyed but going madly overboard with someone after less than a fortnight is to be avoided on the whole.

Original poster
veryconfusing · 20/06/2011 10:15

solidgold - i said, id like that. you have got that totally wrong, i just meant it would be so much easier.. to know that kind of thing, like some kind of crystal ball. I do not expect that in real life, and id run a frickin mile from anyone that said that. that was just a train of thought. dating is difficult sometimes, its a lot of rejection and sometimes you want to protect yourself from that. I wasnt being literal.

yes, it was just two dates. i know. Still. im still hurt. and btw, he hasnt said hes not wanting anything with me. just that he loves someone else.. so i would have to take what he gave ( crumbs, and im better than that) Im just fucked off with mens attitues. if he just wanted sex, he should have left it at that, and when i had a pop at him, he should have just left it. not chased after me... fucking pointless and a waste of everyones time.

OP posts:
Original poster
veryconfusing · 20/06/2011 10:21

gold, again, you have got it wrong.
i was confused by his mixed signals. i wasnt going overboard. one day he would text me like 50 times a day, sometimes not waiting for my replies in between... then id send him one and not hear from him in 2 days.
odd behaviour.
turns out i was right to be confused and it was werid behaviour.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/06/2011 10:23

VC, he is a pillock and you are well rid

SingOut · 20/06/2011 10:26

But lovely, it shouldn't be a waste of anyone's time because you shouldn't be this emotionally invested this early. You seem keen to shift the blame all on to him and less keen to take a frank honest look at why you're attracting blokes like this into your life and then going back for seconds.

Original poster
veryconfusing · 20/06/2011 10:34

we were speaking for a while ( maybe 2 months) before hand and ive known him for about a year. he had been trying to get me to go out with him for a whole year.

maybe thats why?

OP posts:
flimflammery · 20/06/2011 10:35

Actually it sounds like he's the desperate one, not you OP. If he's not waiting 'forever' for someone he's never slept with who's staying with her husband, then he's sending someone else (you) 50 texts a day after only a couple of dates. Sounds like you had a lucky escape. At least, as others have said, he was honest now instead of stringing you along for six months.

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