This is why i was getting mixed signals. I feel sick.

[veryconfusing]

From my thread the other day - now on page two.
He told me last night hes in love with someone else. She is married. They have never slept together,it was an emotional affair and she is staying with her husband.
It had only been going on a few months ( he was seeing someone else earlier on in the year) and how he thinks about her all the time and wishes she would pick him and how he will wait forever for her.

I feel sick.

So, basically i was used when he felt lonely and wanted distracting from this, i was, in part the temporary antidote.

So - he was giving mixed signals, it was not be being crazy or desperate or anything else anyone called me, I was in fact, just being used.

OMG, VC, this guy IS a freak!

apologies, he is the sad desperate one. He's taking up the space of a decent man in your life, you need to drop him like a sack of shit tbh, the sooner the better.

it might have been more than 50 texts a day and actually was the reason why i wouldnt meet up with him sooner.
The basic history was that we met, i canceled our date because of the constant texting and full on ness before we even met.
few months later he contacted me again, and seemed nice, but then the constant texts happened and then i cancelled again.

he contacted me lots over about a 7 month period, to which i ignored him.

Then, we got chatting and i thought why not, the texting, while still a lot was less.

I was still not sure, so when he asked for my facebook i thought i would accept him, so i could have a nose and see what i thought. There were several red flags - some very depressing and attention seaking posts about being in love wth somone but being second etc.. lots from his friends saying ' here we got again'
Some updates from earlier on in the year about being angry at this girl ( a different one) because she called him a freak while, according to him, had as much emotions as a rock.
Then a month prior to that there was a gushing statement about her and how wonderful she was and how he would do anything for her.

anyway - i thought id ignore all this, the man had been chasing me for over a year, so i thought, id give him the benefit of the doubt. That was my mistake.

So, there you go, the whole story. Which hopefully shows im not desperate, just dont listen to myself.

Kick him to the curb and move on. Life is too short to waste time on arseholes like this. You deserve so much better.

Do you really want to be someones reserve back up and 2nd choice?????

Fuckinghell... you have SOOOOO got off lightly! this guy is seriously weird!

Let this be your lesson - never, ever EVER ignore shit like this!

((hugs))

well done, you dodged a bullet there! trust your instincts in future woman!!!

yes, probably. im still fucked off though.
Probably more fucked off with myself actually.

Also - when i get called desperate, or what ever by some posters.. yeah, that pisses me off. Im anything but. if was desperate id go of with any man that showed me attention, and thats a lot. i still get contacted by idiotic men from a year ago.

I know i want a relationship - im not after jext sex. and yes, while i say it would be nice to know peoples intentions, i do know thats just a silly thing to say.
However, coming out of an emotional and physically abusive marriage i like to try and protect myself as much as i can... so i try to avoid people i think are fuckwits.

i just didnt listen to myself this time.
so, im the fuckwit really.

i think this story highlights the problem with communicating by text and facebook

you cant build any kind of relationship on text messaging-it's bonkers

OK, more info puts a different perspective on it - your radar is improving given that you decided he was a wierdo a few times before you actually dated him. The next man you encounter who acts oddly, you will detect undesirableness even faster and waste less time. So this man has, sort of, done you a favour: hold on to that positive aspect of your encounters with him and move on with relief.

i thought he was still weird - hence the whole 'is this mixed signals or am i thick' thread.
basically i thought it was odd, but then everyone told me it was me who needed to chill out.

Trouble is with communications today, it gives access to all manner of twats who in the past would never, ever have been able to get near us!

VC, sorry I called you desperate, you didn't tell us the whole story.

You are not a fuckwit, you chose to ignore your instincts, but please remind yourself that the instincts WERE there! You were not going into this with your eyes closed, you made a decision OK, a wrong one, but picked up really early, and no harm is done.

You are angry and disappointed, naturally, but are you more than capable of finding someone suitable next time around? yes you are.

Forgive yourself the error of one minor wrong decision, and trust yourself in future!

Where do you live? If you live in North Somerset there is a course you can do called the Phoenix course and it helps you identify controlling/abusive men from the get go as well as other stuff. I am sure other areas will run something similar.

yeah, but if you'd told us about the 50+ texts upfront we'd ALL have said said WOAH there tiger!!

Oh, with the history of his intensity and hot & cold stuff, it makes a big difference to how people would interpret things. He's definitely the red-flag bearer here. Trust yourself and don't think you have to give people second/third/fourth chances, you don't owe any bloke your time or energy.

the only person you "owe" is yourself

not to go anywhere near these dickheads in the first place

i know. i should have listened to my instincts. I originally thought he was odd, i dont know what made me give him a chance really.