Loads of threads on here about her, worse since Dad died 2 years ago.
Called her tonight, got the cold shoulder, she was just telling me how down she is, how lonley she is, and what terrible dreams she is having, then she moaned for 10 mins about her Mother and her friends, then just giving me one word answers, I pushed to find out what was wrong with her and she broke into floods of hysterical tears.
She said she was so hurt that I haven't called her since Wednesday evening (used to call every day, then every other day, trying to make it less as she is so hard work) She also said I don't visit as much as I used to when dad was alive.
I rationally explained I a busy, and petrol costs alot (she lives 80 miles away and does not drive) Still, she kept on crying and saying how much I am hurting her.
I very firmly, told her that I was pissed off, and it feels like a slap in the face to here this from her. I call her at least 4 times a week and visit her once a month. We only saw her on Sunday FGS.I also firmly reminded her she only calls her Mother once a week. Because I was being firm, she the cried even more asking me why I was being so mean to her, and that she didn't it at the moment. I simply said I was defending myself as you said I don't visit or call you enough. Then the classic narc answer 'I did not say that, you are putting words in my mouth' 
Then she said she is upset as my dh is rude to her (he is blunt with her as he has witnessed 13 years of her emotionally blackmailing me and he refuses to let her get away with it, more so since Dad died)
Dh barely visits her and she is so draining, but tonight she said it must be because she lives on a council estate He has no problem with the fact of where she lives, its her behaviour he has an issue with.
Then, she said 'There's no point talking to you when you are like this' and hung up on me......
Normally, I would call her back. This time I AM NOT.
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Narc Mother just hung up on ME. For once I am not calling her back. Come and join the letting hew stew thread to remind me I am not a heartless cow.....
DrNortherner · 18/06/2011 19:21
Lol at Deal or no deal. It's her fave programme!
When mine has done something to help such as walked teh dog, or collected ds frpm school, she announces it for days afterwards to anyone who will listen, looking for glory.
She volunteers 3 afternoons a week in a charity shop and according to her is the only pnme who does any graft, teh shop would close without her, all of the customers come in and say what a pleasure she is to be served by. Everyone loves her, apart from the shop manager who she says is a swine
The poor shop manager has had hystronics and tears from her too over the past few months......
Horrors ContraryMartha. 
Surely that abuse of trust is enough reason to retrieve your key from her. That's horrendous behaviour. I'm sorry you have to deal with it and the resulting cocktail of anger and frustration.
This is an amazing thread and the contributions you've all made are so helpful and enlightening. Most of all they remind me that the behaviour of my narc parent (my father) is not unique ? it follows many of the traits mentioned. And it's hugely reassuring to know that.
There are so many issues I'd love to pick up on, but it's so hard to know where to start. I suppose one that I've never really worked through is the role of the enabler ? the other parent ? who witnesses it all and stands by and just lets it happen. They unwittingly become accomplices. It is indeed just like them watching the bully in the playground doing their worst, and not stepping in. There are so many occasions when my mother really ought to have intervened and she never once did. Never once. That's hard. It's particularly hard because she herself doesn't exhibit any narc traits and is generally a lovely person. How could she not stop him? Why did/does she not pull him up when he was/is behaving monstrously? I find that very hard to fathom. The enabler surely must take some responsibility?
I don't have a narcissistic mother, mine is lovely, but I think you are all AMAZING!!!
Don't call, OP. Think of yourself as running a marathon: "If I can make it to the end of the week without calling her, I can have a (fill in chocolate of choice here). If I can make it to Wednesday next week, I can have a (fill in new music download of choice here). If I can make it a whole fortnight I can have a (fill in trashy novel of choice here) and so on. A sort of narcissistic mother star chart, or something.
You get one from me to start with 
. Well, it's an unhealthty shack anyway, so it's a start.
DrNo the chin hairs really take the 
; I think you have a full house on the narc mum bingo!
DrN. Your dad sounds lovely. There was probably something in it for your dad somewhere. What was his family like? I'd be surprised if it wasn't dysfunctional too and that it wasn't keeping him in the comfort zone he was used to. He probably didn't even realise what he was doing 
.
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Have you called her yet?!
I have just had a eureka moment from this thread. My Dad's Mum was exactly like my Mum is. And she and my Mum couldn't stand each other!
As I've said before, DrN, I think my mother is your mother's twin. Re Christmas, my mother now goes to a hotel every other year, as DH's parents come to us. It is lovely when they come, as they help - they don't just sit on their arses watching telly, occasionally shuffling out to the kitchen with an empty glass, saying "You could die of thirst around here, before anyone would bring you a drink."
I really did want to stab my mother a few months ago - two close friends of mine died within a couple of days of each other - one of cancer, six weeks after diagnosis, and one of meningitis. I told my mother - she knew both of them - and she just said, oh yes, Maureen and Enid who go on the Asda bus both died recently - did I tell you? I said rather sourly, that I would expect her friends to die, as she was in her late 70s, but as I am in my 40s, I would hope it was a rarer occurrence for mine to die.
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