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Original poster

His Mental breakdown - what else should I do?

52 replies

Orchidlady · 14/06/2011 13:47

Dear all, I have been posting here for the past couple of weeks about the state of my dp mental health. He is seeking help for depression and Bi Polar has been mentioned but things are moving very slowly. The trouble is his business is failing/has failed, owes huge amount to tax man and owes clients huge amount of money to clients due to a burglary and insurance not paying out. He works 6 days a week and pays very little into the household, thank god I am the bread winner. I don't know enough about Bi Polar to know if this an underlying problem but sure as shit that he is heading for a car crash. Just need some outside perspectives AGAIN ( sorry), this just can't go on. His panic attacks are getting worse, he just can't see that he is unable to meet his commitments. Have do get him to face reality. But how? This is really bringing me down, beginning to feel a bit panicky myself.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 14/06/2011 14:02

you cant make him. unfortunatley you have to wait til he is so bad you feel able to call 999 and get him seen quickly otherwise the system wheels turn slowly unless he is immedaite danger to himself/others.

if he is in middle of a panic attack, walk out with your phone and dial 999. or bundle him in car and take to A&E -but that is risky to your safety. honestly it is the only way you going to get him to get help. next panic attack - get out and dial 999 for help to come to him. "my husband is having a major panic attack and I am concerned for his and my safety."

practically speaking - you can book appointment with CAB or other adviser, go with him to discuss how to proceed with the debts etc. . if he goes bankrupt - you cans till provide right?

please book appointment for yourself with GP (is it same GP? same practice?) and tell GP everything.

you could also ask him to go stay with someone eg friend? or get someone to come stay with you to help you?

Original poster
Orchidlady · 14/06/2011 14:27

Cest, as always good practical advice. I just need to vent as no one in RL to talk with. Yes I can cope finally and emotionally and I am not scared of him just scared for him. In my darkest moment I just wish he would push off and leave me alone or if he is going to kill himeself, just get on with it. What dreadful nastry person I am. But tbh sometimes you can only take so much. We did not get together for me to be his provider in everyway. I feel so damm lonely.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 14/06/2011 14:34

yep one finds one coping mechanism.

talk to your GP - they need to know what is going on.

then you have done all you can.

if you call 999 in front of him he might freak -hence plan is to leave him and go outside to call

Saffysmum · 14/06/2011 20:39

Hi - hope I can help cos I'm a Mental Health Nurse, so will try.

Is he being treated for depression by GP? Is it GP's evaluation that it could be Bi-Polar, or has he been referred to MH Unit/Doctor?

How are his mood swings? Are they over days or weeks? Does he have long term highs and lows? (I don't mean over a few hours, I mean a high lasting at least a few days, and a low lasting possibly longer). When I mean a high - is he really manic, unable to sit still, sleep, takes risks?

Sorry about all the questions!

If he is being treated at the moment for depression, what AD is he on, and how long has he been on it, and at what dose?

If you can answer these, I will hopefully be able to advise you further if I can.

Original poster
Orchidlady · 15/06/2011 09:41

Hi Saffymum, He has been seeing the same GP over the past few weeks ( bearing in mind so far I only have his version of things) she has suggested AD's but refuses to go that route, said he would prefer to see a psychiatrist. He told me that she had talked about cat C Bi polar???? We are still waiting for an appointment. His mood swings are hard to describe. He had a particularly bad episode a week last Saturday, was manic in the afternoon and come evening sat up till 5.00, had major panic attack, found himself lying in the road and could not remember how he got there, convinced he was going to die, then wanted to jump out of the Window. Last night he came to bed @ 5.00, don't know what he had been doing ( to my shame I pretended to be asleep) I know he is having regular anxiety attacks, he totally contradicts himself, for example the other night he said " There is something I have not told you", ok so I waited to hear this revelation and when prompted he denied saying anything, wtf! Even contradicts himself about stupid things like food, one minute he will say something is fantastic the next he hates it, I know that sound petty but when all added together is really bizarre. He is also now trying to make out I am the one with the problems. ( yes I have a problem him) I know he is on under pressure but again all of his own making really. I do not rely on him for money or support in anyway thank god. Sorry I could go on for ages, hope that does not sound like a load of rambling nonsense. I have asked the GP to call me on Thursday ( he does not know) I know she will not be able to discuss much with me but I just want to make sure he is telling her everything, I suspect not.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 15/06/2011 10:12

keep talking to the GP, jsut tell her what you seeing, go see in person if you can but phone contact is good.

also call local branch or MIND, or RETHINK to talk thru what is going on and for support

Original poster
Orchidlady · 15/06/2011 10:17

Thanks Cest, I have asked the GP to call me, she has seen him several times, seem to be long appointments, not sure have much she would be able to discuss, ( do you know?) we have been together 18 yers but not married. What worries me is she is not trained in this area and probably only being given half the truth. He is compulsive liar @ the moment. He will come home stinking of booze but deny he has had drink, he will then confess later. God this is tiring.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 15/06/2011 10:24

GP can listen to what you say about him - she can note and decide what action to take on that informaiton.

she cant divulge what she has discussed with him. best is to try and attend appt with him.

all GPs have some MH training. ther emay be someone in practice who is the specialist. if he been referred to psych try and go with him.

could you go off for the weekend on your own stay with a friend get some breathing space?

Original poster
Orchidlady · 15/06/2011 10:28

Will the GP have to tell him I called?

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 15/06/2011 11:15

no what you tell GP is confidential

Saffysmum · 15/06/2011 18:07

GP has done the right thing by not prescribing an AD, until MH diagnosis. However, GP needs to know how he was at weekend, and that his behaviour is becoming more erratic. He needs an urgent referral for the crisis team. She won't tell you much, but will listen to your concerns, so perhaps write it down before you talk to her? Emphasise about the weekend, and your fears/concerns. If you feel you are getting nowhere with her, then phone crisis team yourself. (Perhaps tell her you will do this, if she does nothing tomorrow). He needs assessing asap. If things are bad tonight, phone NHS direct and explain it all to them, and they may be able to intervene tonight. Urgent action is required, and you need support too. Get all the numbers you need on your phone.

Good luck - you are doing everything you can, but it all needs speeding up by the MH team, so don't hold back anything.

Good luck

ducati · 15/06/2011 18:47

hi me again. it sounds very familiar to me like it is really heading to a crisis. my dh had a thing called "rapid cycling" bipolar which is really dangerous and he ended up behaving really irratically and dangerously. with my dh, i felt his GP was far too relaxed until it reached the stage you describe when dh ended up being sedated (not anti depressants these are not correct treatment for bipolar as they boost mania) while he awaited emergency appointment with psychiatrist a few days later. but i had to phone gp repeatedly and sob down the phone for him to get any sense of urgency. booze is very bad for him, but hard for him to stay off it. i imagine he is very frightened

it is an awful situation for you to be in. it is so awful to watch your loved one falling apart. agree with above. he needs to be assessed asap say whatever that takes to GP that you fear he is a danger to himself (he is) and has totally lost all reason. and if things are very bad tonight do not wait

Original poster
Orchidlady · 15/06/2011 18:52

Thnks guys, not seen him all day ( so say @ work) just called him and on the way back, already slurring his words. ffs. Booze seems to trigger it, is that normal. Could be in for a rough night.

OP posts:
ducati · 15/06/2011 19:00

booze is really bad for it but just keep things calm and try and get him to go to bed early. he sounds like he is in a terrible state. rehearse what you want to say to gp t,ro. i wrote down all key points beforehand so i would not forget key things or get fobbed off. they do have mental health training but bipolar (esp some forms of it) are very rare and they may not have some across it before. good luck

Saffysmum · 15/06/2011 19:12

Agree with ducati on everything. Booze will be a trigger. See how he is when he gets home, and have those numbers ready, for both your sakes. And if it really gets out of hand, pop out to the garden, lock him in the house, phone 999 and tell the operator everything!

Original poster
Orchidlady · 16/06/2011 09:30

Just waiting for the GP to call, not sure what we can do. Last night was an absolute nightmare, had a complete melt down, keep saying I am going to die and don't want to be here anymore. I asked him on a scale to 1- 10 how serious he was about killing himself and he said 9. He would not stop drinking, literally gulping down red wine. I tried to get him to bed but could not hold him up. I know this may sounds crazy but I did not want to call 999 because to an outsider he would have looked like some drunk, having a domestic wife his partner. Going to tell GP everything, this is now a crisis. I feel sick but trying to hold it together for DS sake

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 16/06/2011 10:29

Orchid, you did good thinking about calling 999 - but next time you ahve to bite the bullet and do it. really.

GP now has information so they not oing to think you jsut ahving a "domestic" argument.

is easy - youc all 999
what service do you require
ambulance
why
my partner who has mental health problems is having a bad anxiety attack and says he wishes to kill himself I fear for his safety

ok who else is in hosuie...
etcetc.
they may also send police to assist

anytime of night - just call them please so someone else can help you with this

Original poster
Orchidlady · 16/06/2011 10:41

OK, I have spoken th GP and she is calling Mental Heatl NOW and the police as worried about his guns. I am shaking like a leaf, I thought I could hanld this but can't stop crying myseld, why so I think I am betraying him. I think he will ne hospital tonight and one day he will thank me. But god I feel awful

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 16/06/2011 10:45

he has guns??? oh jeez - yes get the ppolice invovled quick. and get teh guns removed immedaitely.

cestlavielife · 16/06/2011 10:45

you are not betraying him - you are helping him and protecting yourself and your DS

cestlavielife · 16/06/2011 10:49

Dear Orchid - you will ge thru this you have to for your DS . how old is DS?
where is your P now?

you need RL support - can you call a friend?

if he gets taken to hospital - they will look after him.

DO not under any circumstance agree to have him home til he has been properly assessed and is truly stable. .

put you and DS first.

leave him in hospital and make sure you are there to pick up DS from school etc.

step by step.

cestlavielife · 16/06/2011 10:50

i went thru this in 2007 - but "seeing" you there - brings it all back - it was six weeks of helll - but i got thru it and you will too.
private message me if you want .

Original poster
Orchidlady · 16/06/2011 10:52

I Have just spoken to the police and they know about the guns and are dealing with it, god he is going to go mad with me, I am really scared now, it all seems so real.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 16/06/2011 10:59

you have done the right thing.

dont worry about him - make sure he is with police/in hospital they will deal with him.

you have done the right thing.

how he feels towards you will be his problem.

you have done the right thing, keep telling yourself that - you are saving yourself and DS from being killeed, to put it literally.

you have done the right thing.

cestlavielife · 16/06/2011 11:00

ps it wills eem surreal for some time - but your DS is real, his school is real - keep real life routine going for him. jsut say daddy is sick.
get some RL support