Whoops!!

[lovelydaisies1]

After having a really nice evening, bottles of wine, fun and lovely close chats. What do I go and do? Tell my DP (in graphic detail) about the first time I ever had a direct encounter with a willy, albeit 20 years ago! It's totally done his head in and he says he can't get the image out of his head. I absolutely adore him, we've been together 4 years and I feel like an absolute idiot and slag!! He's just being honest about the way it's made him feel but he says it's etched in his brain and now he's finding it hard to get intimate. Yikes. At the time I think I thought it was like a bonding thing, him knowing everything about me but in actual fact it was a disaster. What can I do :(

well said, BS

Hang on, depends how it was discussed. If OP was quite giggly about it (and kept the shock/displeasure to herself that evening) then how could he have known?

I'm not defending his prolonged moodiness, but blimey - AnyFucker sounds ready to play the Dump card.

RGB...perfectly justified, I would say

Dickheads like this don't get dumped enough IMO

RGB: "I basically told him it was one of my sisters friends, a couple of years older and he got his lad out, which seemed huge (cringe), and he told me how to pleasure him!!!!! Not great. The jist of the story was that I didn't like it and was a bit shocked by it, "

The last sentence reveals how it was discussed I think.

"The jist of the story was that I didn't like it and was a bit shocked by it, I was about 14-15yrs old."

Some people have vivid imaginations.

SNFA...I don't get your point

Meh - that could mean anything from mild displeasure at trying something new, to psychologically scarring. No idea what from the words.

And if OP was 15 and the other guy 17, does that really make it a tale of perversion and dominance? Or just a fairly standard tale of a lot of people's fumbly first encounters?

I don't know what was actually said anymore than anyone else does (barring OP) but I can't see that there's grounds to say OP's DH should have launched straight into Counsellor mode, protecting OP from the terrible demons of the past.

Extreme empathy can sometimes cause people to feel very hurt on behalf of someone. OP has stated he is a 'really gentle, lovely man'. He just needs time to get over it.

So he could have stopped you at any point mid convo. But no, let you carry on and is now beating youy with this stick.

The only arse here is him.

I can even remember the cocks I had from 15 years ago, I couldn't even tell you what they looked like. It's not stuff you remeber in depth, just the feelings around it.

I wouldn't have this sulking crap.

Can't*

You may well both be right.

I was offering a different perspective: that perhaps she should stop blaming herself for telling him and consider that she had every right to tell him and furthermore the right to expect a sympathetic hearing, given that she wasn't exactly enjoying herself during the experience she was telling him about.

Sorry that was to smallnotfaraway and RedGreenBlue

Daiseys, I actually think your husband is being shit on two accounts. One, even if you'd had the most amazing encounter 20 odd years ago (and decided to tell him, I assume you didn't just blurt the details out now, with no context?) - it was 20 years ago. Two, from how you tell it here, it was an abusive experience for you. If you told your husband in the same way as you repeated it on here, then your husband is being a total arse, no debate.

I told my husband about an experience where some bloke broke into my flat, got his dick out and tried to rape me 20 years previously. My husband did not get jealous. He was bloody angry on my behalf - thankfully I was fine and probably did this guy more physical damage than he did to me, but still.

The OP has only said he's off intimacy, at not point has she said he was jealous or wasn't sympathetic, unless I missed something.

Small, the op now feels 'like an idiot and a slag' after her conversation with her 'D' P. I am guessing it was his reaction to what she said which caused that.

People often have feelings of misplaced guilt.

OP hasn't said how long his reaction has been going on - is it just from last night.

the way the Op says she has been made to feel is out of order, IMO

and she said it, not us

and it's her partner that has done that

by compounding the unpleasant experience she had as a teenager

making it all about him ?

fuck that

How dare he make you feel bad!

Don't all couples talk/laugh/cringe about earlier encounters and relationships?

He might not like to think of you with someone else but he's being ridiculous if he can't get the image out of his head.

Aww, I feel so much better for giving this whole small episode an airing. Doesn't it make you feel better to tell people when you normally wouldn't tell anyone. It leaves me feeling enpowered, quite pissed off. I'll have it out with him tonight. TBH, I'm not after sympathy from him and certainly wasn't at the time, I was simply recounting a significant event. But now with hindsight and girlpower I'm feeling a bit let down. If the boot had been on the other foot and he was telling me about an unpleasant experience, I think it'd make me feel protective towards him, not pissed off. But, I have to say he's not normally a wanker, on the contrary, he's a great all rounder (and not just in the cock department!). Maybe he's not used to dealing with passed experiences?! I went to a comprehensive school where all sorts went on, he an all boys public school. Will keep you all informed of what happens and thankyou all for yr interest and concern x

Sounds like they're just having their own set of feelings about it in isolation. OP is just beating herself up about it. Has the OP said he was unsympathetic? Has he actually said he thinks badly of her? Maybe she should just ask him that question.

sorry, xposted there. Best of luck talking to him OP. That's what you need to do.

What a knob.

He's annoyed that you saw a cock before you saw his. And he is at least 35?

I am with anyfucker on this. I am holding the dump him card and I say dump.

A thousand quid he has a small dick.

He's being a complete arse. Actually sounds very much like my ex, but hopefully isn't for your sake. He has no right to be sulky about you telling him the truth about things that happened to you in the past, sexual or not, and in fact he should have been sympathetic with you about that one as it sounds a less than ideal first experience.

whats the big deal with what you did??? apart from you age ...