He has a man-cave - well several really. Model railway, workshop, not to mention extra-curricular 'man-caves' of football and the pub! Which is fine by me. Even pre-DC we weren't in each other's pockets. But he seems to be resorting to them more often these days.
The other day were were having a slightly drunken chat so being a bit more 'straightforward' than we are usually. I said that he doesn't seem to enjoy being with our DC that much and he admitted that he didn't. He gets really ratty with them for no real reason - he struggles to see the good in them. He loves them, without a doubt and in a crisis and at important times he is very suppportive but the day-to-day stuff leaves him stressed and irritable. He was great with them when they were tiny, but less so when our 3rd baby came along. I can hardly remember a time we all spent together when he wasn't looking and sound fed up at least some of them. He denies it or gets really defensive when I mention this to him. It's not an easy subject to bring up.
I saw him make a real deliberate effort on Friday when we went out for a meal - and things were great - but he had to really try.
What he seems to want is the idea of children - he wants to know that he has them, just doesn't like the reality of them. Also he wants me to himself I think - he gets a little hint of green-eye when my littlest is too clingy to me. He is always trying to set us up as a unit in opposition to the children whereas I see us a one single unit.
His dad left when he was 4 and he has seen the impact that can have at first hand and I often wonder if that is what has stopped him leaving.
I don't like to think that this a man/woman thing - I have always beleived that men were just as good parents as women but come to think of it I don't know a single father who doesn't seem a little disillusioned with his children once they reach a certain age, and make comments along the lines of 'can't wait till they leave home'. Is that a territorial thing I wonder?
How do you deal with this? I am happy for him to carry on retreating when it gets too much but I'm not happy with the way he talks to them sometimes or his general attitude. Do I have to accept that his man-cave is going to be a big part of our lives until they leave home?