DP mentally ill- advice needed

[Orchidlady]

I eventually persuaded DP to visit the GP, re ED and depression and thank god he finally took the plunge, to cut a long story short she has referred him to a therapist, thinks he is Bi polar, advised anti depressants (which he has refused), I am very pleased that he finally plucked up to courage to go but now I am really worried about his behaviour. Over the past few weeks he has gone downhill, has talked about Suicide (I really think he is thinking of doing it, even told me the way he would do it), talked about hearing voices, seeing strange things, constantly contradicting himself ( often about silly things, for example he will be eating something saying how nice it is and the next it is completely disgusting and hates it) whf!, and worst of all having major panic attacks these are just a few of the strange things. But this weekend he has really freaked me about, he refused to come to bed on Saturday and sat outside in the garden staring into fire for hours, eventually he came to bed @ 5.30 in a complete state said he woke up in the middle of the road, just did not know how he got there then proceeded to have a major panic attack, moving his body uncontrollably, kept saying he was going to die. I am very worried I not sure the GP knows the extent of his problems, please if anyone has some suggestions on what I can do as this is really beginning to freak me out. Really think I should confide in my mum ( both his parents are gone) but if he finds out will go berserk, should I call the GP?

Corn, thanks for your message, I don't think he has been officially diagonosed with anything yet. I have no training or experience in this area other that suffering serous panic attackes myself in the past. But ok I hear what you are saying I just don't know how do deal with this. How do you march someone into a Crisis team ( even if I know where to find them, as we live in a rural area) when they would not want to go. Here is a list of things he has said or seing - Seeing Demons, talking about Suicide, blackouts, panic attacks. talking to himself BUT then goes for days and seems normal. Is this classic Bi polar?

Writer, oh thank you for sharing your experience, it's funny you mention about the cancer, he lately seems to be fixated about having some serious illness, heart attack, Brain Tumour etc. I always try reassure him but only so much you can do. He seems to think he will be able to sort this out but I do think he needs some kind of medication along along with counselling.

Sometimes the manic phase of bipolar (which usually has swings to both extremes: mania and depression) includes psychotic episodes, where patients will report seeing things, hearing voices, etc. I'm no professional, but what strikes me here is that your DP is having what seems to be both manic episodes and depressive episodes (suicidal thoughts) at close intervals -- although a healthcare professional will probably be able to contextualise these. But, yes, the symptoms are definitely those present in bipolar.

The Mind website has some useful information:

Crisis and Crisis Teams: www.mind.org.uk/help/medical_and_alternative_care/crisis_services
Bipolar Disorder: www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/bipolar_disorder_manic_depression

The site also says this:

Someone I know is in immediate danger of seriou"sly harming/killing themselves or endangering someone else:

• Contact social services. They can arrange for the person to be assessed under the Mental Health Act. Please be aware that this could lead to the person being sectioned in hospital and treated without their consent.
• Contact NHS direct on 0845 4647 to get out of office numbers for their local area social and mental health services.
• Call 999 if you cannot get through anywhere else."

If you're unwilling to take such drastic steps, then call your DP's GP and tell them outright all the symptoms he is experiencing, including his telling you about suicide.

Please keep us posted. Happy to answer any other questions you have too.

Thanks CF, when I see what I have written I know I would be advising them to seek help, I think I am being bloody weak and need to be stronger, I think I will try to get an appointment tomorrow with the GP and ask to go with him so they exactly know what is going or is he refuses the next episode like that I am taking him into hospital, so someone else can see exaclty what he is like and help him. I know he will deny anything happened and try brush it all under the carpet later.

Orchid - please don't wait until tomorrow. I have spoken to my DH, and read out the symptoms your DP is experiencing, and he believes that at this point you need to bypass your GP and call SS and get a referral. If your DP is sectioned, it would probably be a short-term arrangement to stabilise his symptoms.

Bipolar disorder has one of the highest suicide rates of any mental illness. I know I'm repeating myself here, but waiting until tomorrow isn't going to cut it.

Personally, any GP who advises antidepressants without further investigation shouldn't be approached a second time anyway.

A good source of information here:

helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

Thanks for the link ConF, some of it seems scarily appropriate. I know he is having a good day to day so I am going to do my best to get him to see someone tomorrow. I just needed to get some outside points of view, I think it is very easy to normalise things> It has not been right for him for some time but I think the financial pressures seem to have pushed him over the edge. The sad part is I am pretty sure he going to be unable to meet his commitments, god knows how he going to cope then.

He'll cope better with treatment. It might mean stepping out of life for a while, but that passes. My DH hasn't had a manic episode for five years, and his depression is being managed better year by year. He is very content with his life now.

Yes, it is easy to normalise things - especially when your DP is having a good day. But there can be a turnaround very, very quickly, and moreso if the bipolar is untreated. Tomorrow is the day ... and don't take no for an answer if anyone gives one to you. PM me if you need to.

Orchidlady, you really, really, need to listen to these women.

Your husband is very seriously ill. When you said he was talking of seeing demons my blood ran cold. He needs urgent help.

Is it possible for you to call the out of hours doctor to talk to them? Would you be overheard? I'm very unhappy that you're dealing with this alone - please tell your mum and ask her for her help.

Please, if your children are in the house, get them to stay with their friends overnight.

I am so sorry you're in this situation, but please, please act tonight.

In the grander scale of things, his commitments mean nothing. Going bankrupt, if that's what'll happen, means nothing.

His health trumps all of that.

I too say please contact the GP and say he is actively suicidal and his assessment must be changed to an urgent priority.

Also, if he is bi-polar he must only be put on anti-depressant meds with extremely close supervision. They can push people from the down stage into mania. Also anti-depressants can make suicidal feelings worse in the first few weeks. Thus it is very important the he is properly supervised while first on meds.

Wish you the best of luck. Do keep reinforcing the message that if his business is closed down you will still be there for him and find a way to get by.

Thanks to you all for the advice, I have spoken to him last night and he agreed to call the GP and bring his appointment forward, I have told him if he has not done it by 12.00 I will be calling myself. Said that he can not really remember what happened on Saturday other then it was a very unpleasant experience. I actually asked him if our roles were reversed and I was the one saying these terrible things and acting in this way, what would he do and he admitted he would be the first one to call for help. Seems very calm and then very agitated the next at the moment. Also said I can talk to my mum about this, big turnaround there.

Thank you for updating, Orchidlady. What good news. If your DP is ready to admit it to others, too, then that's a really positive step! My best wishes to you all!

I hope all goes well for both of you, OrchidLady.

Orchid - I'm so pleased that he is going to go and see the GP sooner. Please go with him if he'll let you. You need to hear what the doc says and what your DP says too.

Good luck, I hope you get the support that you both need xx

Thanks guys, yes he did say he would let me come along with him but when it comes to it lets see what happens. Everything seems so normal @ the moment.

Hi Orchid. I've got bipolar and it def sounds as though that's what your DH has. When he's seeing and/or hearing things that others can't see/hear he's having a psychotic episode. It also sounds as if he's having a mixed episode whereby he's got symptoms of mania and depression at the same time. Some research has indicated that it's during mixed episodes that people are at the highest risk of suicide. Sorry if that scares you. I suffer from mixed episodes at times, thankfully without psychosis, and it is absolutely horrendous. You can't sleep, your brain is running at a million miles per second, you can feel overwhelmingly suicidal and restless. It is truly ghastly but can be treated very quickly with medication. Stress can absolutely be a trigger so it's not surprising that he's having a major episode right now. Medical intervention is really the only option at the moment. My thoughts are with you as this must be a very worrying and frightening time for you. Whatever happens make sure YOU get to speak to a doctor about him as while he's having an episode he won't have the insight to be able to tell others about all his behaviours.

HI Neuro, Thanks for your message, I think you are right about the mixed episode ( I have been doing some reading), on the day he was acting like an over excited child ( my 11 year old thought it was great) to the suicidal events of the evening. The problem is he claims to remember very little about what anything, ( is this normal) so think it is very important that I go to the GP with him. I think he has always had this but recent events with money, tax man has sent hime over the edge. Do you need to take medication for the rest of your life? does it stop episodes happening?

when are you both going to GP?

Cest, The GP he has been seeing is on holiday till next week and he refuses to see anyone else. But if he goes into another episode like last week I will not hesitate to call someone immediately as I would really like someone to witness that. Hope that does not happen, he seems on an even keel at the moment.

Orchid - if he does have an episode like last week, I'd get him to A&E as soon as, even by calling 999. You don't have time on your side when he hits rock bottom.

He will get help immediatly in the form of medication plus the 'event' will be documented by professionals on his medical records and he'll remain monitored until he can see his GP if that's what he is happiest with.

I totally get that BTW, it's atrust thing. I only ever see my GP. I can't see anyone else because they don't 'know' me like he does.

You can't risk him actually killing himself or hurting you (accidentally) or someone else.

I know this is so bloody scary for you and you must be living on the very end of your nerves but he has you. YOU need to have someone there to help.

Have you spoken to anyone else about this yet?

Hello MF, he has appointment on Monday 8.30, if I can get someone to look after my youngest I will go with him. Yes I will get him to A/E if there is a repeat of last week. He is in denial again saying there is nothing wrong with him and then 10 minutes changing his mind, He really is beginning to drive me nuts, I have a lot of shit in my life but know I can not tell as he could not cope (sigh). I feel very distant from him right now and finding veyr hard to feel anything for him ( well pity and a bit angry) and that makes me feel really guilty. It is like having another kid. Sorry for the rant

Sweetheart, rant away. You have to have an outlet for all of this and for all of that other things in your life.

This is so much for you to take on and carry alone.

The way you feel is completly understandable and normal too. He's supposed to be your partner in all that you do, not another needy individual for you to care for.

I bet you don't know which way is up sometimes.

I'm going to PM you

orchidlady, first of all i feel so sorry for you, having been in situation myself two years ago.

please do try and go with him on Monday to gp. my dh had massive psychotic (bipolar) breakdown two years ago (first and only), but in weeks before the "crisis" when he was behaving very strangely, he lost vital time by playing down symptons of mania and depression to gp, carrying on going to work, postponing appointments with psychiatrist he was referred to etc until it became meltdown and couldn't get out of the chair. it was terrifying. he was sedated in end to stop him doing himself harm and then admitted to psychiatric ward to get him onto the right drugs. he wouldnt let me come to gp at the outset, so was fobbing him off with "feeling much better today".

Your dp is not in a position to think and act rationally -- you have to do it for him. In end I called his GP (but even then had to be talked into it by friends because dh kept telling me not to) and sobbed down the phone until he took some action.

on bright side, my dh has never had any further episodes, but it did take him two years to get really better. it has had devastating impact on our marriage and we are only just still together. it is a really serious illness, and not very well understood by the profession. plse do let me know if you have any specific questions...and good luck

Hi Ducati, thanks for message, I really do not know what is wrong with DP, after the episode, he has been quite stable. Went to the GP this morning and is still waiting for the psychiatrist appointment, said they are really busy. Unfortnately I was unable to go with him as I did not have someone to take DS to school. Atleast he has finally admitted he has a problem and actually wants to see a psychiatrist, which is a huge turnaround, I think the episode really frightened him. I really do not know what I should be looking out for, you said your dh was behaving strangely, what do you mean? does he now have to be on perm medication?