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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice anyone?

60 replies

CONFUSED1 · 15/11/2005 15:38

Hi - I have only just found out I am pregnant with my second child and my DH is over the moon as are the rest of the family. However, i did a stupid thing and I have slept with another man and from the dates there is a chance that this baby could be his and not my DH. I have never done that before and believe me I regret it but now I am faced with telling my husband the truth. One suggestion is that I have an abortion but I cannot face the thought of doing this as I truly believe that this could be my DH baby?

Very confused!

OP posts:
SleepyJess · 16/11/2005 12:58

My instinct here is 'don't tell him'!! Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? Do you want him to be the baby's father? If the answers are yes, then don't tell him!!

SleepyJess · 16/11/2005 12:58

My instinct here is 'don't tell him'!! Do you love him? Do you want to be with him? Do you want him to be the baby's father? If the answers are yes, then don't tell him!!

Avalon · 16/11/2005 13:12

Confused - I've put a link here to a previous thread where tamum (a geneticist, I believe) and others discuss eye colour. Tamum says that two blue-eyed parents can have a brown-eyed child.

eye colour

HTH.

samesitaution · 16/11/2005 13:17

i am a regular on here but have to change my name cos my rl friends know me
i know exactly how you are feeling ....... four years ago i had been with my then dp for 16 months and had been trying for a baby for nine months. One night we had the mother of all rows where he beat me black and blue i decided to leave. I went to stay with my mother and on the same night went to see my xp. I hadnt planned on anything happening between us but we were such good friends i just wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was going to be ok. Anyway i had a lot to drink (i know its no excuse) and one thing lead to another and sorry if tmi but he didnt 'finish' either. I bottled it and left. Anyway three days later i stupidly went back to my dp, as we were in the middle of buying our first home together, and i didnt want to jeopardise that (seems really shallow now ) within two weeks of moving in i started to feel v sick so i done a test and was shocked to find that i was pregant . I was also very scared as i knew that there was a chance my xp could be the dad. I tried to work out the dates from the scan but they were too close to call, so i done what i thought best and ignored the problem and went on to have my ds1. When he was a week old my mother asked if he was my xp as he looked so much like him and i broke down and told her i didnt know, she swore never to tell. anyway the twist now is that me and my then dp split three months after having my 2ds (who was def his btw) and i am now living with my then xp and he is bringing up both boys as his own Confused although he sort of guessed my ds1 could be his my now xp has no idea but in my heart of hearts i believe that both boys have the same dad. Sorry for the long post but i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that things sometimes have a way of sorting temselves out

shannen · 16/11/2005 13:48

But you have to consider if you do keep this huge secret, if it is the other fellas your child won't know who its real dad is.

grumpyfrumpy · 16/11/2005 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shannen · 16/11/2005 16:07

Yes I know what you mean, but the child has automatically lost his/her right to know who the biological father is. I can imagine that to find that out in their teens for example would be very damaging.

ggglimpopo · 16/11/2005 16:12

Message withdrawn

SackAche · 16/11/2005 16:13

Shannen - Even more damaging than growing up calling a man 'Dad' who can't bond with you coz you might be someone elses child???!?!

Nope, still say keep it a secret. Maybe in the future you will feel that your relationship is strong enough to take the truth..... and then you can think about it.

Original poster
CONFUSED1 · 17/11/2005 11:00

Hi everyone

I have been to see doc today and decided that I am not going to tell DH at present.

When the baby is born if there is any uncertainty I will then do a DNA test to check.

The more I have thought about this the more I decided that there is no point in the heartache for my DH , DD or the rest of the family when it is likely to be unnecassary in any event. If there is any doubt after the baby is born the DNA test will clear this up and I feel that will be the time to tell if needed.

Thanks to you all for yuor comments and advice it is much appreciated and has helped me through this difficult decision.

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