Hi
I've not posted about this before but am a regular and some of you may know me from other threads. Basically, a couple of months ago my dh said he wasn't happy and he moved into a house that his mum owns down the road to get some space and think about what he wants to do. He swore that it was not about someone else, that he loves me and I haven't done anything wrong but he basically just hates his life.
I was pretty confused and upset, he had said to be fair that he wasn't happy a few times over past couple of years but I was never sure what I exactly do about it. I always suggested couples counselling but he was dead against it (I work in a similar field which complicates things). I know he thinks we don't have much of a relationship any more, we have to dcs 6 and 4 and a lot of my focus and attention is taken up with them, plus he is self-employed and works a lot of hours and I work part-time too, often in the evenings so we didn't get to spend a lot of time together. It wasn't bad though, we enjoy each others company for the most part, we like and respect each other and still have sex. There wasn't really any bitterness or contempt or arguing or anything. I know we weren't perfect but I still really believed we would always be together and grow old together, that's what I still want.
He talked about feeling almost dead and alive at the same time and I thought he sounded quite depressed so I found him an experienced therapist who he has been seeing weekly which is hopefully something he will continue to do long term for his own sake. He's just a bit of a mess, he doesn't know whether he's coming or going. One day he says he wants to try and sort it out, then he talks about renting a flat and separating properly. He said from the beginning though that he still wants to see me, like date me almost, go for dinner, drinks that sort of thing. I was happy to do this, we were still sleeping together too and he said he couldn't imagine doing that with anyone else.
Anyway, last weekend we had a bit of an argument, I wasn't feeling very patient and he got pretty defensive, sunday night basically ended with me in floods of tears and him not being able to do a lot to reassure me. I thought at the time he seemed pretty cold and detached, whereas before he has been quite loving towards me. I have not seen or spoken to him a lot since, he has been here once to look after the dcs while I worked but I hardly saw him. I texted him on tuesday though saying would he like to spend the weekend together, the dcs are going to my mums and we could just relax and hang out, see how we fell about each other and have some time just to be together, which is what he said was what he really wanted. I said I wasn't asking if he was coming back for good, just did he want to spend this weekend together. It is actually our 6 year wedding anniversary tomorrow too, timing!
He replied that he didn't know, he had to think about it and would tell me wednesday or thursday which to me didn't sound good. I text him earlier about a separate matter, not mentioning the weekend and he replied saying that if he didn't see me tonight he would call me tomorrow in the day.
So basically I am in double limbo, I don't know what to do. I am pretty sure in my heart that if he doesn't want to see me on our anniversary or spend a weekend with me without the kids then it has to be over, I don't see how he can still love me and not want that. I feel like i just need to know now either way, I have been patient for 2 months now and I can't take the constant knot in my stomach any more.
I will cope ok on my own I know that, I have my dcs who are amazing and I am only 32 and haven't quite gone to seed! I think my friends would say I should take the control back and kick him out if he doesn't want to see me this weekend but I really don't like ultimatums, god fuck knows anyone got any advice???
Thanks so much.x