Split up and homeless...

[squashycreech]

Split up with my partner today - we live together and I have nowhere to go. I have mental health problems and without my partner's support I don't see how I am supposed to continue working. Can't go to my parents and none of my friends have space...absolutely panicking and not sure what I should do.

who owns/rents the house??

why cant you go to your parents? were you there before?

We rent the house together but I can't afford to stay here alone.

I can't go to my parents as they are abusive. I haven't lived with them since I was 16 (now 28.)

Do you have children?

No children.

I presume you can stay there tonight?

tomorrow have you got a cpn you can speak to? I would go to the local council first thing in the morning with any evidence of your medical problems and tell them you are homeless and vulnerable.

I wonder if you can speak to woman's aid as they should be able to give you advice?

Yes, I can stay here tonight. I don't have a CPN or really any help at the moment.

Not sure I can speak to women's aid - he isn't abusive.

Who decided on the split? You or him?

Is there no way to mend this with relate or other counselling?

Him.

He's sick of me being ill. Don't blame him. I'm horrible when I'm ill. Don't think I can stay with him anyway, I don't get much support and he makes me feel worse a lot of the time.

We need lots more info Squashy.

Where does he think you will go?
Do you work?
Can he afford the place without you?
Are you on meds?

I'm sorry, just in shock. Sorry for not being very helpful.

I do work but can't see how I can go in tomorrow or ever. I've been struggling as it is.

He wants me out as soon as possible, but he thinks I should try to find a place with other people. I find it hard to live with others because I'm agoraphobic. I would prefer to live alone but I live in London and there's no way I could afford to live alone.

He can afford here without me, but he'd probably move if we split up.

Not on any medication at the moment, I have Borderline Personality Disorder and medication makes it worse.

Oh, dear. Why isn't he helping you with your rent for the first six months or so? If it's better for you both to split, and he's aware of your problems, surely it's going to be to both your advantage to make sure you can both start afresh.

I agree it could be hard for you to share a flat successfully with your condition(s). Living alone could be good for you, and surely you WILL need support in that? Doesn't BPD make you liable to freak out on your own?

My two suggestions, right now, are to ask your ex - reasonably - to support you in setting up a new start, and report yourself to the local mental health team as an emergency. Mine were fantastic about getting me away from a bad situation: helped me find this place and sort out some benefits. In London, you'll probably have to be in crisis to get 'community living' support (so let all your anxieties rip there!) but it exists.

Wishing you the very best.

Just thought of Mind, also. They're good, especially in London.

Go for it all, keep asking :)

Thanks for your replies, feeling a little calmer now.

I hate BPD - it means I freak out when I'm alone but freak out when I'm not alone.

I think my ex would support me financially for a bit if I asked.

So lost and confused, everything was fine last week.

are both names on teh tenancy agreement? how long is left on your lease?

Only his name on the tenancy agreement. Lease ran out in March and he hasn't got round to re-signing it, I think.

oh dear. well in taht case i think he should be offering to help you out with money for a while til you get back on your feet. if he knows all your problems and yet still chose to ask you to leave then i think any decent person would help you get sorted where you wont feel vulnerable.

Thank you booyhoo...I've asked him and I think he will help. Going to call Shelter and see what they say tomorrow.

It's really scary :(

i have never been in your situation but i can imagine how frightening this must be for you. please try and get all teh hepl you are entitled to. have you seen a GP about your MH issues?

I haven't seen my GP for about 6 months cos she was a bit rubbish. I know I need to start seeing someone again, but the NHS are just so crap at dealing with personality disorder. Never seem to get anywhere, they just put me on anti-depressants and send me on my way.

i think you should try and get another GP. is it still possible to register at any GP you want to? there are some GP's that aren't great with MH issues but tehre are some really good GPs too. could you contact one of the MH organisations and get advice there?

You need to go to the council housing office asap who will help you find emergency homeless accomodation where you can stay untill you get a permanant house.

You can also speak to a benefits advisor who will help you with your money situation.

Its hard at first but you will get there. Ive done it myself

Im having Schema therapy for BPD, I've only just started, you have to push for therapy though. I take anti-psychotics and they work for me have you tried them?

OK making a list of things to do

GP
Mind
Shelter
Council housing
Benefits advisor

Meant to go to work tomorrow too and just don't see how I can. Feel horrible.

Good for you :)

I'm relieved to hear your ex is prepared to help you stay afloat - and even more pleased you're not depending on him for it! Well done.

Can you call in work & say you've got problems at home? Most employers are reasonable when you need to handle a relationship breakup (even if only because they don't want you weeping all over the furniture )

Am thinking about calling in sick, feel a bit guilty because I'm a teacher and it will be hard to cover my classes. But I need to get stuff sorted out and I really don't need to be crying in front of my students.