I don't think I ever want a relationship again

[whatever17]

I split up with ex-DH 10 years ago. Have had a couple of relationships since. The last one ended about 5 years ago, I was really distraught at the ending.

Since then I have just bimbled on looking after the DCs, house, garden, seeing mates etc.

I actually feel much more content and stable not being in a relationship. I haven't had sex in 5 years and I don't miss it.

I feel like a fake saying to my friends - No, I am happier without a boyfriend. But I sometimes say to myself - what do you want, a boyfriend or a gardener. And a gardener/handyman or a lottery win wins every time.

I think I just want extra financial input and physical help and I can't be bothered with the rest of it.

One of my friends is in a constant maelstrom of boyfriends letting her down or her feeling let down and it just puts me off.

Single is good I think.I have been contemplating this a lot.Coming up to anniversary of dp death.I didn't think I could do it but I have.

Think of the benefits

Sprawling out on the bed...no snoring!!
No yukky man washing to wash
TV remote to yourself
Being independent!
Doing wtf you like with the financial stuff
doing NEW stuff,I have had to get out there and find new shit to do,meeting new people that I would never have done before!
Doing stuff I wouldn't have done before on my own!

Minus side,yeah I miss intimacy,someone to share the minutiae of life,someone who truly understands me

BUT

i AM STILL HERE!!!

Life is good.Tonight I had a lovely night giggling with ds,felt truly happy the first time in ages.I owe it to the dcs to be a strong and happy mum,first and foremost.

xxx

Mavis - sorry to hear that your DP died, that is really sad.

But - the good things:

"starfishing" in bed, and farting
Having 9 pillows
Watching girly crap on TV
chatting on phone to girlfriends for hours
having no one to answer to

well what can i say all of the above sound quite appealing haha , im in such a pickle right now approaching 40 at greatspeed been with dp for about 15 yrs got 1 dd who is nearly 12 feel like im in last chance saloon im not in the greatest of reletionships (not much trust dp a bit of of liar) but hey ho if i want another baby what do i do ??? go take my chances meeting someone else ?? or grin and bear my not so perfect life and smile at the last chance saloon signs glowing overhead>????

early 80s - if you want a baby I would get one off the DP and accept that you will possibly raise it alone.

I'm another happy single. I've been fairly single for nearly 20 years ie no committed relationships and certainly no monogamy. I have also never married or lived with a partner and that makes me feel lucky that I always bolted in time. Being single is good. Being in a happy relationship is also good. Staying in a shitty relationship because you have been convinced by other people that being single is a terrible thing is not good.

whatever 17 , dp seems very keen on the idea of new baby he will be 52 this year though ( is that too old ???) i dont t
hink i would raise baby alone , just feel scared that if i dont do it now or pretty soon i may loose my chance forever ??

early80s - I think babies are great and our only regrets are not having enough of them.

If you feel that you are young enough not to be an embarrassment at the school gates and that you can cope alone - always be prepared for the worst. Go ahead. If you want a baby and can cope, who cares.

springchicken - I have been married twice. Or should I say I have had 2 weddings, neither marriage lasted 2 years. It's just not for me.

If I can look into the future (youngest DC is 11) I do not want anyone in our home or family until he has grown up.

Anyway - if I could look into the future maybe I would like some "cardigan love" one day. ie someone to chat about my roses with and possibly have pub lunches with.

No fireworks or nonsense just possibly a companion, possibly.

I'm giggling at the idea of 'cardigan love' for some reason. I may get a toyboy when DS is grown up, or I may have completely gone off the whole idea (right now I occasionally feel horny and go to a swingers' club for a bit of NSA fun).

I have been mostly single all my life and it suits me very well. It really annoys me the way the media and most of the people I know present coupled monogamy as the holy grail of happiness and worldly success. (And can I just pay tribute to SGB for her steadfast upholding of alternative and frankly more interesting values.)

Occasionally I get a bit restless and feel like some flirty drinks - this is easily achieved through internet dating, which also reminds me why I like being single so much!

My current relationship is quite rocky at the moment .... if we do split up I know for sure that I wont be bothered about another relationship. I like my own company now, I feel stifled and copnstricted in a realtionship.

Maybe I would change my mind if I were single but I doubt it

I'm a lone parent and I was happily single for about 7 years when DD was first born. I've been in a relationship now for about four years but we live separately and expect to continue to do so. For me, it's the best of both worlds - I get all the advantages descibed by Mavis and whatever of having the place to myself, but still have someone to cuddle up to and flirt with when I feel like it.

Most of my friends who were lone parents have been very quick to move in with a new partner and they find it strange that a woman actually prefers to live without one! I think many of them are insecure and have been keen to settle as quickly as possible (with sad consequences as some of the men have not turned out to be as nice as they first thought). Or some of them are very traditional and feel that they need a man to 'look after them' and be a father figure to their children, whereas I feel independent enough not to feel that I need all of that.

I can't imagine living with a man again either. Maybe one day when kids have left I will be bothered with a man again, I am not receptive at all, had a builder here last week flirting, just not interested.

Both the celibate woman and the promiscuous woman are big threats to the patriarchhy. Both of them are refusing to be owned by one man. They are refusing to do shitwork ie clean, cook ,remember a loda of people'sbirhtdays, aolways be ready with smypathy and a listening ear and foreget that they are human beings. The fact that a moderate amount of people live happily with heteromonogamy does't change the reason heteromonagmhy was invented ( so that men could own women).

SGB has pretty much written exactly what I was about to say and, there are still lots of ways of getting (more interesting) sex ..

After 15-20 years of progressively worse monogamous, traditional relationships I think it probably healthy to accept that, that set up is just not for me.

..forgot to add, I love my celibate phases, but they always worry other people a lot.

Oh my I could have written your original post whatever

I love being alone. I have 2 great kids from my marriage (now divorced) and I'm so content and at peace being alone. Much to my mum's dismay I'm certain that I do not want anyone else right now (possibly never actually).

As an aside I've just done a complete overhaul in my bedroom, removed all wall paper, painted it pale pink, bought some lush curtains and bought lots of wall art. Highly feminine bedroom now and I love it.

I wouldn't mind a handyman but that's it! I can't be bothered with the rest either

Love this thread. :)

I've not spent much nearly enough single and am very much looking forward to a looooong time in that state if/when I sort out my current mess.

i too am loving this thread,i've been single since new year and bloomin LOVE IT!!!!! don't ever intend sharing my home with another adult : )

I have far more money since unstable (financially weird ex-DH) left - because I am NORMAL. I plan, then I spend. The kids are happier, they know where they are with me. And, honestly, I have the odd fantasy about big cocks, but I have never run across that many. Most of them are medium and so what.

I like men, I have 2 sons, but I am happier single.

And I have found a gardener - who appears to fancy me I think. Bleurgh, I would rather pay him.

I get a feeling you really would like another relationship OP. You have been hurt and have withdrawn from that aspect of life. You have been healing and getting on with things. I have been single since 2008. Celibate here too!

Pookie - I wonder - I really do. I think about sex, which is nice. Introducing someone to the kids - which is shite. And, how much I love watching shite TV, seeing my mates and not answering to anyone - which is wonderful.

I'm single too with three children. I like living without a partner, I like not having to negotiate who does what, I like the fact that my time and money are my own, I like my own company.

But god I miss the physical side of a relationship. I miss the sparks and excitement of feeling desired. And I find NSA attached sex absolutely soulless - that's certainly not to criticise anybody who does find it enjoyable and satisfying - but it's not for me, it just makes me feel empty.

I have an extremely high sex drive and just seem to feel constantly frustrated. I need a part-time man who's around sometimes and then goes away again when I want him to, but I don't expect many people would be up for fulfilling that role really - I'd worry for their self esteem if they were!

Ah well, at least I have my freedom. After having lived with an emotionally abusive man for six years I will never forget to appreciate that.

There fellow seperated/divorced men who also don't want a full time relationship / prioritize their kiss with whom nice friendships can be cultivated...it doesn't have to be NSA or full in relationship.