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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

SIL, FB and £££££

39 replies

paradoxical · 28/05/2011 21:43

I have know SiL for 20 years. Found they got engaged at Valentines - thru a post on fb. Also found out date of wedding and that her HtoBe's sister will be a bridesmaid on FB. She has been with her partner for 2 years. She has just DH asked to 'borrow' £10k for wedding (it is my money and she knows this). I have said we need to think about this when I wanted to shout 'ask your bridemaids'. I appreciate we were not as close as I had always thought and am happy to proceed on that basis with no hard feelings. I also do wish her the best and hope she has a lovely day - I don't want to pay for it though. Very entitled princess but I didn't want to be a bitch by saying so. Am I being precious for feeling so hurt?

OP posts:
iseeyou · 28/05/2011 21:45

bit difficult to understand your q. you wanted to be bmaid?

gapants · 28/05/2011 21:49

huh? whats the issue here?

she has announced wedding and plans and wedding attendants then asked you for £10K.

based on the cryptic info you have given...Hells no.

alarkaspree · 28/05/2011 21:50

I don't think you have a good reason to feel hurt that you're not a bridesmaid, if that is indeed what you're feeling hurt about. It is normal to ask the groom's sister to be a bridesmaid at a wedding, and would be quite unusual for a bride to ask her brother's wife.

I can understand why you're hurt that she didn't tell you about her wedding plans, it's slightly thoughtless to post something like that on facebook before you tell your close family. But only slightly.

Completely understandable that you don't want to pay for her wedding, and why should you? But don't not pay for it because you feel slighted by her, I don't think you have been.

Lilyloo · 28/05/2011 21:51

You wanted to be bridesmaid she didn't ask but then wants you to pay for wedding ??

10 K is a lot to ask for imo

Original poster
paradoxical · 28/05/2011 21:54

I was hurt that someone she has met 5 times had been asked to be a bridesmaid and that I hadn't but whatever. I think it is a terrible cheek to be so outside the wedding plans that all news comes thru FB HOWEVER it is ok to ask for a huge load to pay for it all. I have had a bad experience in loaning money to her before and really had to pester to get it back. I have tried to help and research venues at her request and always ask about wedding when we see each other. I think she should ask for ££ from friends/ people in her wedding party

OP posts:
Original poster
paradoxical · 28/05/2011 21:55

I meant loan not load £10K ffs. She wants to have a massive wedding; my own was a fraction of this cost cos we were saving for a house deposit.

OP posts:
DontGoCurly · 28/05/2011 21:58

Don't give her a penny op. Can't believe a grown woman would ask a relative for a loan for a wedding.......life saving operation maybe, but a wedding ? No way, no.

gapants · 28/05/2011 22:00

Ok, still stand by my 1st post, Hells no!

Do not, under any circumstances loan her the cash. That is what the bank is for.

Xales · 28/05/2011 22:01

No!

Don't give her it

you won't get it back without trouble and if she cant afford a £10k wedding she can't have a £10k wedding.

What a stupid thing to get into debt for.

squeakytoy · 28/05/2011 22:02

Absolutely no, do not lend anyone money for a wedding. If they cant afford to spend 10k of their own, then they have a fucking cheek to ask as well.

purplepidjin · 28/05/2011 22:04

YANBU. She can't even be arsed to call you and tell you she's engaged yet she wants you to fund her deluded Cinderella fantasy wedding? Jog on, love!

Original poster
paradoxical · 28/05/2011 22:11

I was feeling like a bitch but FFS £10K. I reckon I am mixing up my hurt feelings with an unreasonable request. If I can't afford it; I do not have it. Thank for your replies.

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 28/05/2011 22:13

Can you afford to lose £10k? If not then the answer is no. Something i should have listened to last year.

atswimtwolengths · 28/05/2011 22:15

You'd be mad to lend her money for a wedding! It will be money down the drain and you won't get it back.

fivegomadindorset · 28/05/2011 22:16

And something my BIL should have listened to as he has now fled the country owing £150k, bastard.

Original poster
paradoxical · 28/05/2011 22:16

I have been made redundant recently and so I have moeny on the bank. I cannot afford to lose it.

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 28/05/2011 22:17

Then dont lend it, that is money you may well need to pay bills etc with.

AKissIsNotAContract · 28/05/2011 22:26

I think the fact that she hasn't involved you in the wedding plans will make it easier for you not to feel pressured into lending her the money. So see it as a positive thing and definitely don't lend the 10k.

Bogeyface · 28/05/2011 22:27

THe BM/FB thing is a red herring.

the main issue is that you know she is flaky when it comes to paying back loans and you have been burned by her before. You would have no one to blame but yourself if you loaned the money and had the same problem again, so say no!!

"Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"

cornsilks · 28/05/2011 22:28

cheeky mare! God don't lend her anything.

Original poster
paradoxical · 28/05/2011 22:28

True 5 and at swim. I supposed I was so shocked to be asked it stopped me thinking straight. Hells no. No way 5 Shock! cautionary tale indeed.

OP posts:
ScarletOHaHa · 28/05/2011 22:31

Don't do it.

FetchezLaVache · 28/05/2011 22:32

If she can't afford to spend £10K on her wedding, how on earth can she afford to repay you?? Very entitled IMO.

TeachMySelfBalance · 28/05/2011 22:39

Perhaps you could respond on FB that you will not be giving I mean loaning her the Ten Thousand Pounds to pay for the wedding. Oh, and you will probably be busy on the wedding day so maybe not to expect a gift either, ha! Time for you and your dh to have your 'real' honeymoon. Maybe Ten Thousand Pounds worth, thank her for the idea. Grin

WhooooHooo the sarcasm ain't dead yet folks. The above only if she is really truly serious in this request; or was she just kind of throwing that out there as a little 'ha ha' moment, yeah, right?

Otherwise, I'd just say something like, "Hmmm, It's your wedding, but you want me the carry the Ten Thousand Pounds debt for it...umm, I'll pass, thanks anyway."

Oh don't listen to me! Grin These entitled ones just trigger me like fireworks on Guy Fawlke's Day.

WhoAteMySnickers · 28/05/2011 22:44

Agree with Bogeyface...You've had a bad experience with regards to having to pester her in the past for money she owed you. Therefore if you lend her 10k to pay for her wedding you deserve everything you get.