Am I been taken advantage of?

[goddess72]

I have just moved to be closer to my bf and other reasons too, but he has his own house not far from here, but since I moved here he's pretty much lives here. The plan is he sells his house, it is up for sale but as yet not sold, so he still has to pay mortgage on his own house, but he lives here and I am otherwise a single parent trying to survive here, should I be expecting him to pay something, he pretty much pays for his own food, but then for me there's all the bills, washing powder etc, doing his washing and his dd, electricity etc which bound to be extra used with them here. Am I been taken advantage of here? Should I expect him to pay anything as obviously although he is paying his own bills he's not using anything there, I feel a bit used to be honest, would you? or am I being a tad over sensitive?

If you are already talking about it being harder to get rid of him then I think this relationship is a non starter.

My DH (then just boyfriend) moved into my flat as his new job was nearer to me and he gave me £40 a week and sometimes paid for the food shopping on top. He offered to pay me the day he moved in...

I think I'd just prefer him to go now to be honest back to his house. I need time to think and clear my head, can't do it while he's here!!!

Lock the door. Call him and say he has to go to his tonight as you want some time alone. If he won't do that, finish with him.

Do you have any proof of the £10,000 he has lent you..

maybe knock off what he should have been paying you

I have proof of it going into my account yes!

what a mess hey!

So proof of where it came? Surely he wants to stay in this relationship with you as you owe him 10 grand?

well yes he does, he's told me and told me, but its just his attitude that worries me, he seems to be out for himself to be honest, in some ways I can understand as he had a very bitter divorce with his ex, but thats not my fault, I've been through hell too but I don't take it out on him. I do think part of it is he just doesn't think, I really do think that I don't actually think he's intentionally using me, if you knew him, you'd see that but is he always going to be not thinking and just thinking of himself that what worries me. I also have 2 young children to think about! ah life. Things were fine before we lived together, well there was other issues but not financial!!!

You need to take out a secured loan on your house, best rates from a building society i.e get a mortgage and pay him back his 10 grand.

Can I just say that I think Collaborate was spot on when saying you need specialist legal advice, now. Your current solicitor allowed this situation to arise without warning you of the implications - I only have a decade old basic undergrad law degree, which is utterly worthless in any practical sense (all it taught me was to always get legal advice, and always to marry if you have kids!) and yet even I spotted potential issues from a MN post. Please do as she says and get someone recommended by Resolution to advise you. You will get a free initial session so it may not even cost anything if your partner is reasonable and accepts a written agreement setting out the intentions as they are right now. Your ex having a charge is handy in a way I would have thought - current partner can't share in what you don't own yourself!

Fabby it may be a bit more complicated than that, because the house purchase was intended to eventually be a joint one. That intention and his putting some cash in may make it tricksier. It depends how honest he is, and how well informed. Though I agree that just getting a loan and trying to pay him back and saying you aren't comfy with the way the joint finances are headed and you want to pull back from combining them, and then seeing how well he takes that (if he'll accept the money, bluntly) may be a good opening gambit.

Surely you want a man who can and will think?

Yes that would be lovely, do youknow any lol! x

The problem the OP has is there is a charge on the property already from her ex. If there is nothing in writing with regards the 10k and what it was intended for there is no reason why she cannot get a mortgage of 10k and pay him back.

There is only a problem if there is a legal document stating it is for a share in the house.

But if OP splits with current partner how is she going to pay her ex off? Will he call in his money and demand she sell the house? Sounds like a perilous situation all round. My DV alarm bells are ringing a bit too.

No ex can't do that, I know were I stand with all that, he can't make me sell unless, my youngest reaches 18 he's only 5 so no worries there, or I re marry or co habit for 6 months or more, which I won't be, I was going to be so my current partner was going to give him his share once his house was sold! My ex can't make me sell and I legal documents saying so so please don't worry me about that! Just the 10k I need to sort.

u know what though, reading that he may get 50% if he so tried I might actually be better letting him sell up move in, the drawing up this contract of who owns what % and pay off my ex, split the savings! And then ending it, I know that sounds crazy, but in the longterm it may be better, gets both men off my back lol!

"The problem the OP has is there is a charge on the property already from her ex. If there is nothing in writing with regards the 10k and what it was intended for there is no reason why she cannot get a mortgage of 10k and pay him back.

There is only a problem if there is a legal document stating it is for a share in the house."

Sorry, no. That is absolutely not true. In this situation (and it's not uncommon, parents often lend money owards house purchase as well) people with their name on the deeds often claim it was only ever meant as a loan/gift, while the other side claims to was for a share in the house. It's one of the first things you get taught about when studying land law at university: money or money's worth towards the purchase of a property may mean that the donor ends up with a claim on that property. It all depends on the intention of the parties at the time the money was given, and that isn't always evidenced in writing. Writing helps but isn't essential for equitable title to pass, from what I remember (and it's what the lawyers in the legal part of the board are saying).

Goddess I wouldn't imagine he has a 50% claim on even just your share, because the intention was always that he would have to pay a big whack more to secure that and you can demonstrate as much (because of the situation with your ex, and your previous conversation with the solicitor). That's evidence of intention, I would imagine. If your current doesn't know he could bullshit his way into grabbing a share of your house you're okay, so just pay him off as Fabby suggests. I'd get that loan and pay him off quick smart if you can. He may not have the first clue that he could try it on - though the house may well be worth less with the property market lately, so to be fair he could have lost some of the £10k if he wants a share of the equity for it, too! But I would def. locate a good solicitor who knows the law on cohabitation inside out, and get their opinion on where you stand. The initial appointment will be free, anyway.