My dad died this afternoon.

[Lovecat]

He's been ill for a while (Alzheimers) and in hospital for the last few months refusing to eat. He's survived pneumonia twice already but according to Mum he refused a nebuliser and then just gave up breathing.

Not sure why I'm posting. Can't concentrate on anything much, head feels all spaced out and I'm crying on and off.

The reason I suppose I'm posting is because I hated him while he was alive, he was sexually and emotionally abusive, he made our childhoods hell and did his damndest to fuck up our adult lives as well with his control-freak insanity, yet I'm in bits. This both annoys and confuses me. Head's all over the place and I daresay I need to dump.

Oh well. DH has been lovely. I'm just...gah.

No need to reply. Just feel really.... :(

you poor thing lovecat

x

(((hugs))) x

I am so sorry for your loss.

Be kind to yourself.

have you ever had counselling for all you've been through?

Grief is so complicated. Grief for what might have been and now never can. Grief for what should have been and wasnt.

Over the next days you will experience so many emotions. Dont be surprised if relief is one of them. In time the raw immediacy of these days will ease.

Have a very unmumsnetty hug from me.

You are bound to be all over the place emotionally. Part of it is probably relief mixed with guilt at feeling relief too I would imagine. Glad your husband is being supportive. Hope your mum is ok too. xx

My deepest sympathy Lovecat, I hope you are able to speak to a bereavement counsellor. Take care of yourself x

I hope you don't mind me saying but perhaps you are in bits because despite your dad being abusive you managed to remain a compassionate, caring person.
Being able to mourn his death, however annoying, will be better for you in the long run.
I speak from experience.

Just have a regular old hug from me, that's a whole lot to deal with.
Glad your DH is being lovely, just be gentle with yourself too..

Sorry. It will be hard for a while. :(

Oh fuck, I'm sorry. Cake?

Lots of love to you. Make sure to talk to good friends, and look after yourself and your family. Keep posting, you have support on here

So sorry, thinking of you

Remember it's equally okay to feel in bits now that he's gone, and to feel glad he's dead. Often at the same time. It will get better.

I am so sorry for you,you must feel so mixed up with your emotions.

take good care of yourself, glad your dh is there for you.x

Oh you poor thing.

I had very similar feelings when my mum died. It is very confusing but like someone else said it's because you are a kind compassionate person.

Glad your DH is being lovely. Let him look after you for a while.x

I know it sounds trite but there is bound to be an element of mourning for the father he never was rather than what he was. It is early days and you must focus on yourself. Take care.

I am sorry lovecat x

Lovecat, sorry for your loss
Whether or not he was a positive part of your life your Dad clearly had a big effect on you. Its not surprising that you feel his loss there is an empty space in your world. Give yourself time to grieve and don't be surprised if some old stuff bubbles up.
Take care and be kind to yourself
Unmumsnet

Some really wise words on here about the jumble of emotions you must be feeling. You take care xx

So sorry Lovecat xx

Perhaps you are mourning the Dad he wasn't.

Big hugs, look after yourself.

Oh Lovecat, i am sorry. I think there are bound to be so many conflicting emotions. Glad your dh is there for you and I hope you and your mum will be ok x