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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Email from the ex has pissed me off

62 replies

whethergirl · 10/05/2011 23:31

I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago and decided we should have a clean break. Although I have insisted that we have no contact, he has sent several emails which I have ignored. All has been quiet for weeks, then I get another email from him today, and it's pissing me off and wonder if I should just write one last reply, which is what he is requesting, for "closure".

The email has the same victim mentality, poor me, manipulative, emotionally draining tone that I ran away from. I don't want to be horrible to him, yet he keeps giving me the whole "why can't we be friends? I thought you cared? Obviously you're not the person I thought you were. Am I really so terrible?" crap which is now making me want to say my piece.

I have tried to be as tactful and gentle as I can with him, but in the last email I sent him in Feb, I told him I didn't like him trying to force his friendship on me, that he needed to try and move on as I have. He then replied saying he wanted a couple of jewellery items (given to me as presents!) back and that this was his last communication (which he has also promised several times).

He is really fucking annoying me. What do you think I should do?

OP posts:

Xales · 11/05/2011 14:04

Block his email.

Get his number blocked on your phone.

Don't contact him, all he learns from that is that if he hassles you from Feb until May he gets a reply, so he will hassle you again, and again until you reply.

Contact your friends on facebook and ask them to ensure that none of your conversations etc are forwarded/accidentally sent to him. If they are you friends tell them he is harrassing you and would they mind blocking/restricting access so that he cannot see any information about you.

Change all your passwords. You never know he may actually know this and be checking your account direct.

IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

Anniegetyourgun · 11/05/2011 15:18

Would this be anything to do with you, by any chance? ^^

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 15:51

verrrrryyy interesting...

Anniegetyourgun · 11/05/2011 16:14

Ach, they've killed it.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 16:17

Anniegetyourgun · 11/05/2011 16:19

You reported it? Fair enough, it was definitely one of those sort of posters even if it wasn't the one under discussion.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 16:32

no, I didn't report it

has it gone ?

I thought you meant he had been chased away by the MN "harpies"

HerHissyness · 11/05/2011 18:03

Dammit, do i smell Eau de Pont?

I think we all posted on that other one didn't we?

Jesus is there a school off somewhere or something? Forest fires in Berkshire?

boogiewoogie · 11/05/2011 19:14

This has probably been said already but

ignore ignore ignore!

Do not even reply just to tell him to f* off. You are right in saying that it is manipulative, emotionally draining crap. He is attention seeking, and like a toddler (sorry to insult toddler), any attention, even negative attention is better than none at all as far as he is concerned.

Archive them, you may need them as evidence of harrassment but I hope that it will not come to that.

You have my admiration for being so restrained so far.

All the best.

Original poster

whethergirl · 11/05/2011 23:09

Anniegetyourgun & AnyFucker - what was that other thread all about? One that was written by someone like him? Or by me? I haven't namechanged for a long while.

I think I would find it hard to tell him to fuck off, especially as he is not being overtly mean and I don't think he is even aware of how manipulative he is. I do remember him telling me that his previous ex's last words to him were "Will you just fuck off!!" It seemed unreasonable as he "only rang her to say hello." It all makes sense now!

I guess I feel embarassed for him as well, how can he keep contacting me after my ignoring him, he has no pride. To tell him to fuck off would be just too pitiful. I mean here is someone who I've slept with, shared my life with, shared experiences with....as much as I am quite repulsed by him now, I'd find it hard to tell him to fuck off. Unless he got nasty with me.

I've blocked him everywhere I can.

OP posts:

Original poster

whethergirl · 11/05/2011 23:18

SpringchickenGoldBrass - I remember you too, I couldn't believe that he would actually hassle me after the split but you were right. Unfortunately I've deleted all the hotmail emails but the worse one, when he got abusive, was actually through facebook so it's there if I need.

Actually it was that time when he was abusive that it was easier, I felt much better about telling him to leave me alone and igoring him. But next day he sent a very long written apology so it was back to me being the one who broke his heart, and now he is just sad and confused etc etc

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 23:32

WG, the other thread had a bloke whining about how he had been dumped and how devastated he was

so far, so understandable

until he said that his ex used Mumsnet

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 11/05/2011 23:37

Whethergirl: Just remember that you had every right to bin him. Even if he had been a nice man (which he demonstrably isn't, remember all those red flags? And the fact that he won't fuck off now? That's not a nice, heartbroken man, that's a manipulative arsehole who hates not getting his own way), that wouldn't men you had to stay in a relationship that you didn't want to be in.
It's OK to end a relationship. Even if the dumped person is hurt. That's just tough shit. It's only bad to dump someone if you do so with unecessary cruetly such as detailing all their imperfections especially the ones they can't help, or if you are selfish and unfair about things like dividing assets, or take active steps to rub the other person's nose in the fact that they are dumped and you havea new partner or whatever.

Original poster

whethergirl · 11/05/2011 23:47

Oh shit AF! And how odd that the thread was deleted after Annie linked to it....don't suppose you remember the poster's name do you? Oh I wish I could read that thread.

God I hope I'm not being watched on here, might be time to lie low for a while.

SGB, you're right, actually I prefer straightforward arseholes, it's the ones that give it all the butter wouldn't melt bollocks that creep you out. But yes, this is all about HIM, HE wants to see me, HE wants to maintain a friendship with me, regardless of whether or not I do!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 11/05/2011 23:55

WG, don't worry, I can't remember the posters name though

will pm you

AnyFucker · 12/05/2011 00:30

anniegetyourgun if you by any stretch can remember that deleted posters name, could you pm it to whethergirl, please ?

I wish I had a better memory < grr >

zikes · 12/05/2011 08:30

It was heypresto, if it was the thread I was on as well.

I think he said he was going to have the thread deleted after you & I questioned his motives.

Anniegetyourgun · 12/05/2011 08:45

Thank you, zikes. I would never have remembered it myself! Some of the details would have been compatible with WG's relationship timeline, not exactly the same but similar enough; though there are enough dumped blokes in the world for it to be no more than coincidence. I was quite polite to him, anyway, and the advice I gave would have been the same for any dumped person who felt they hadn't been given closure, including my own DCs or best mate.

zikes · 12/05/2011 08:49

Yes, it could fit with WG's situation, but it's not an unusual scenario so could've been unrelated as well [shrug]. Hopefully the latter.

I didn't think I was rude tbh, I think he was a bit of a sensitive flower.

Anniegetyourgun · 12/05/2011 08:55

Aye, that. I hate a flouncer. He probably didn't even read the rest of the posts, which means mine for one was wasted. Humph.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 12/05/2011 09:34

It's also not uncommon for whinyarse men to bore everyone with details of their being dumped, and that thread may even have been an attempt at getting sympathy shags of MNers - not necessarily WG's X-loser at all.

heypresto · 12/05/2011 09:42

I'm the whinyarse loser who wrote that thread.
And don't worry, I'm pretty sure whethergirl is not my ex.
I wasn't really looking for sympathy, just some advice.
I did get some so thanks for those who posted it.
I just felt that it would be more appropriate to delete the thread in case my ex is a mumsnet user and recognized it.
Now..about those sympathy shags......

HerHissyness · 12/05/2011 09:45

Ohh, I remember that thread too! I got busy and lost touch with it in the end.

Agreed with SGB (again) to be held hostage by a person because they don't want you to hurt them is awful, and not on at all.

hope he takes the hint soon, legal letter and police if he doesn't

HerHissyness · 12/05/2011 09:46

Fair do's to you heypresto!

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 12/05/2011 09:48

Fair enough HP. I didn't see your thread so have no comment to make in it except, in general: being dumped is grim but you just have to deal with it, and the pain does go away in time. Good luck - but don't stalk your XP.

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