How many marriages have you known to last?

[SineadTemptation]

I'm just curious, because I know of none.

I'm basically wondering how many couples you know that have remained in their first marriage past the age of say 45?

More that have made it than haven't.
Within the family, from Gps to us, there have been around 20 marriages and only 2 divorces, one on DH's side and one on mine ( my parents). Both my parents and the relative on Dh's side re-married and had/have longstanding second marriages. Parents re-marriages only ended with the death of my dad and step-dad. Among our 'generation', marriages are all around 25 - 30 years so far, the next generation are either not yet in serious relationships, or in some cases, too young.

Amongst work colleagues and other friends, I would say that there are many ore longstanding marriages than not, again, many of them are around the 20-30 years.

Most friends have made it past the 20 year mark in their first marriages and no sign of cracks. Hardly anyone in my circle of friends is divorced. We're on 17 years. My sister divorced after marrying at 18, but is now at 23 years with her second husband.

Reading other posts here it looks like it's refreshingly common!

No divorces at all in my family or in DH's. (One of his uncles has had a series of mistresses though, so we can't really consider it a "successful" marriage as such ...)

My parents were married for 40 years - until my dad died. ILs have been married for over 40 years. My grandparents made it to 50+ years despite loathing each other for the last 49 . The only marriages in our families that have ended before age 45 have been due to death, not divorce.

Loads. Every couple in my family have. Most got together as teens and are together in their 40s - 90s. I also know a lot of my parents friends, and a lot of my friends parents are together. I know more together than split up.

Just about all the marriages I know are long-term apart from brother who broke up with his wife after about 17 years. DH & I still going strong after 23, sister & BiL 30 and all on DH's side of family.

Most of XH's family are on second marriages. There's only one person still on their first marriage, and that's only a couple of years old. Nobody has ever divorced in mine (apart from me now!) I think it's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy in XH's family - the second marriage seems to be the one which works.

At the dc's rural, middle class little school, there are a large number of single parents or people on second marriages. About a third of the current reception class.

Amongst friends, more are together than not, although I know a number who are shaky.

Loads.

Including all but 2 of my friends, everyone is still married. SOme for 20+ years. I'm 46 and some of my friends are even older

Infact, I only know 2 couples where one of the couple is on their second marriage.

I don't know that many people.

Over 45 -
PIL - still married.
One grandmother on both sides of the family - married until widowed.
A - teacher at Church - still married.
G - teacher from Church - separated from second husband.

Under 45 -
R - friend from school - divorced.
W - friend from school - still married.
W - friend from school - divorced.
T - friend from school - second marriage after divorce.
C - neighbour - separated.

I'd be really interested to know if the divorce rate is higher amongst couples who've been exposed to lots of other divorced couples.

XMIL used to have a mantra about not staying in unhappy relationships, not staying together for the dc's etc. I do agree that nobody should stay in a bad marriage, but only if major efforts have been made to save the marriage first. Interestingly, 3 of her dc's went on to get divorced, and the 4th has only recently married for the first time at 40. Such a blase attitude to divorce made it very easy for XH to walk away from his marriage and family without any fallout from his family.

My parents, all 3 sets (its a long story ) of grandparents. My 2 aunts on my dad's side, My half cousin and her husband. DH and I although we are a few years off 45 but just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary on Sunday.

I have neighbours who are married, 6 couples over 45 all with dc over 18 for all but one couple it is a first marriage

I work with one four woman who have been married over 35 years and for all of them it is a first marriage

my parents where married for 36 years, sadly my mum died

i am myself divorced

I forgot Mil & Step Fil who have been married for 24 years, although obvioulsy second marriage for both.

Loads, my Grandparents, my parents, 3 sets of aunties and uncles, my in-laws and their parents, loads of my parent's friends.

I only know of three couples that have divorced.

I've been married almost 28 years.
My mum and dad were married for 38 years when dad died.
Both sets of my GPs
My mum's brother
My brother (first marriage, but had a previous live-in, so don't know if he counts)
DH's parents; both brothers; cousin; aunt and uncle
Several friends
In fact I can only think of one divorce in the actual family.

There is no divorce in my family, or my DH's. I do think perhaps it can become a self fulfilling prophecy and therefore become more likely in some situations.

In my family all my married parents / grandparents / aunts & uncles have all remained in their marriages 'until death do they part'. My Grandparents have recently clocked up 60 years. I'm a mere newbie in comparison with only 10 years under my belt.

Of my friends, I do some who are on second marriages, but I do not actually know anyone (close) who has been through a divorce in person. I do know some who are having difficulties in their marriages.

My parents, PILs, my grandparents, DH's grandad has now survived two wives.

Of my mum's 5 siblings - 3 have remained married to their first spouse. One divorced years ago and never remarried. Another divorced after a very short marriage, since remarried and now been married several years.

Of my dad's 6 siblings - 3 are still on their first marriages. Two divorced earlish on and remarried several years ago; one died in early 20s and never married.

All of the above are over 45y.

Of my closer friends - 2 have divorced, rest are still married to first spouses. These are all under 45y though, as are DH and myself.

My nana and grandad had their 76 wedding anniversary in April. My grandad had his birthday last week and nan has hers coming up soon.
My mum and dad have been married 47 years.
My aunty and uncle have been married 42

• loads others in our family on both sides have got 40+ married years behind them.

My parents are still going strong at 50 years married, everyone in my family has had a long marriage over the years, no divorce in the family until my sister separated last year. The surprise was that she got married at all so no one worried about a trend starting.

I'm ten years married, dh was married before me for less than a year!

Mixed bag here, but a large sample!

H and I married for nearly 27 years, first marriage for us both. Both sets of parents divorced, but in second marriages of 20-30 years' standing. One divorce amongst our many 40+ siblings and most in happy first marriages of 20+ years.

I have three large groups of women friends, mostly aged 45+. Of my schoolfriends, only one out of the 8 of us is divorced, in the second group of 10 women, only one is divorced (but 2 have remained single and one is gay and in a longstanding relationship/civil partnership) and in the third group of 6 women, only one divorce. Within H's group of old friends, there has only been one divorce too, out of 5 men.

Parents - 45 years; was severely abusve; dad died.
Sister - 30 years; abusive.
Brother X - 25 years; not abusive but teeth gritted.
Brother Y - 25 years; more of a business partnership, SIl died.
Friend D - 25 years; a 'successful' marriage: they are friends but not lovers.
Friend A - 15 years and heading for divorce.
Friend M - 50 years; he pontificates; she suffers.
Friend J - 40 years; she stresses; he submits.
Friend P - 25 years; he earns, she spends.
Aunt J - 50 years; they adored each other; he died.
Aunt H - 55 years; lived separate lives but loved each other; he died.

I have met couples who've truly loved each other for life but they are rare.
"Lasting" marriages are more about a shared commitment to the idea of marriage. Often, it strikes me, that commitment means one partner's sacrifice.

I used to think it was worth - umm, over-compromising for the feeling of security, social acceptance, and so on. Now I don't. Rising divorce rates aren't a sign of a failing society, imo, they're a sign of increased confidence and higher expectations.

I would marry again, but seriously doubt I'll ever meet anybody who's compatible enough. And I'm okay with that :)

Parents - divorced. Second marriages fine.
Sister - divorced, marriage lasted 18 months.
Out of 3 sets of aunts & uncles only one has been divorced.
6 cousins, none divorced.
Me - never married XP (which turned out to be a good thing).

I only have one divorce in my immediate family and two second cousins, the rest of my (large!) family are all happily married.

well, both sets of DHs and my GPs. Married until one of them died. But, I'm willing to factor in this being a generational thing, with divorce being less socially acceptable (maternal GD was abusive so a divorce would have been at least semi-likely).

DH's parents have made it past 34 years. But FIL has just retired and she's been SAHM for about 30 years...so we'll see

All 2 sets of Aunts and Uncles on my side and 4 out of 5 sets on DHs aunts and uncles.

my friend Xs parents.
my friend Ys parents
One set of my friends, they are both 50. (none of my other friends are married or over 45.

Every marriage on my Mum's side of the family is either going strong or lasted until one of them died. Every marriage on my Dad's side ended in divorce, apart from his. His Mum married and divorced 4 times. My parents have been married 28 years and are more in love than ever .