horseplay or domestic violence?

[lightsandshapes]

I had just got back from a holiday alone with my dogs. DP and I were getting on well, being affectionate in a physical, playful, way. I had just finished an hour of doing the dishes and slumped forward on the chair in exagerated tiredness. I had been hunched over a computer all day at work too. DP said 'sit up straight' as if to correc my posture. I said 'no' then he pushed my head forwards and towards my chest for about 5 seconds. Due to my seating position and the fact I am preganant and full of relaxin it's thrown out my whole spine alignment. I feel awful and teary all the time, and have had a headache for three days. he says there was no malicious intent and it was horseplay. I'm sooooo annoyed. WWYD??

You say about the time. Was that just before you got pregnant when it may have been an option or just after you got pregnant when it sounds like a great idea coming from him but if you dig a little deeper is actually completely impossible for you to do with a new baby, maternity leave etc.

So he gets the looking good and thoughtful aspect without actually doing anything....

Weird that you didn't verbally object for a full 5 seconds - why do you think you stayed silent? Shock, disbelief,thinking saying ouch would make no difference ?

Fatty acid - how easy is it to physically say something, do you think, while your head is being shoved into your bump? And then you have the whole shock of something like that happening. Are you trying to defer blame here?
Honestly, cop on.

The whole relationship sounds rather worrying to me. He doesn't want you to "get" any of his money - hence no sharing of the legal rights to the house at all, despite having been with you for 5 years

He deliberately does something physical that at the very least would make you feel uncomfortable, and was actually really painful

He sounds like he is trying to control you financially and socially (making you dependent on him - losing your home and friends if you go) and now physically. Do you think he was angry that you had gone away on hol without him?

no blame - just asking for details of what happened
obviously I am sympathetic to OP!

Apologies FA, if I misunderstood.

no worries newname
it is pretty shocking behaviour, I was just trying to get inside of how OP reacted and if there was history eg not being confident that saying ouch would stop her dh...

It sounds like quite an unpleasant incident and unfortunately domestic abuse often starts getting physical during pregnancy. What's the rest of your relationship like? Is he controlling, jealous, manipulative? It might be worth your while contacting your local domestic abuse service and talking things through with them.

lightandshapes - you said earlier he said he feels remorse - is he going to pay for you to see someone and get your back checked out then? Talk is cheap after all

I always err on the cynical side and it wouldn't surprise me if it's back to the nice part of the nice/nasty cycle.

Regardless, I hope you're ok this evening :)

i wish you the best of luck.
this coul have been a one off thing that he wont ever do again but you should be a bit cautious. its not an excuse i know but everyone makes mistakes so maybe he was having a really odd hormonaly wierd day and truly never meant to hurt you and was angry with himself for doing it and therefore came over all jerky.
wish you all the best

Hes no right to do anything like that to you . He wouldnt do it to someone at work and he doesnt get special rights to do it to you just because your in a relationship. You deserve the same respect from him as he shows everyone else . Explain this clearly to him , he doesnt get special priveledge .

Is this the first time anything like this has happened ? Violence often does start in pregnancy , but not always in the way people think .They might tickle you to excess , they might " accidently " bump into you , or wrestle playfully but go to far . They dont just start thumping you , its about crossing boundrys , and they might just start by touching you in a way you dont like .

I think you should go to a doctor and get checked out. Fellow sounds like a jerk.

Alarm bells are ringing for me. My XH was first violent towards me when I was pregnant. It was so unexpected and unusual I simply assumed it wouldn't happen again, and it didn't for years. But his controlling behaviour and eventually violence escalated.

It is common for pregnancy to see the first manifestation of violence by men against their partners. My advice is to contact WA, read all available material and really analyse your relationship.

Most of all, take care of yourself. Good Luck.