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Original poster

Do you have totally different political views to your OH?

35 replies

DrNortherner · 08/05/2011 18:37

I can have a political debate with anyone, whatever their beliefs and remain a sane and calm adult. BUT, with dh I rant, and I rave and I get so CROSS.

I know he often plays devils advocate, and trys to wind me up, but I could actually explode. We have had very different upbringings. I am the daughter of a Labour Councillor and grew up on a council estate in Teesside, and am staunch labour. Dh says I am blinkered and brainwashed, and that I should have a more balanced view and this pisses me off.

What is wrong with being passionate? Why can't he just accept this?

We had a heated debate this morning and haven't spoken since. FWIW, he can't be that arsed as he didn't even vote in the local elections which also gets my goat....

Grrr.

How about you?

OP posts:
zikes · 08/05/2011 18:44

No, we agree for the most part, luckily. My mother on the other hand..

K999 · 08/05/2011 18:48

No, we agree mainly. Me ex on the other hand sounds like your DH. He did it just to wind me up!

We both voted in the Scottish elections and voted SNP in the constituency and the regional vote. Both voted yes to AV too! I think it helps that we both work in similar professions and can debate the topics quite rationally!

maypole1 · 08/05/2011 18:49

i always wonder what people do if they marry then find out their oh supports bnp or nf i mean.

ByTheSea · 08/05/2011 18:50

No, DH and I are both quite on the left side of the political spectrum. DH is further to the left than I am.

Tortington · 08/05/2011 18:52

no. dh actually joined and paid membership to the lib dems at one point - which i was incredulous at - as i am a lefty - but do vote libdem tactically as its all tory bastards round here.

my nan was a tory and my grandad was labour and they used to rip each others posters down out of the window Grin

LuckyWeKeptTheCot · 08/05/2011 18:55

DH is further right than I am - in an old fashioned, conservative with small 'c' kind of way, not in a jack boots kind of way. He is also very community minded and spends inordinate amounts of time helping people with this that and the other. But believes this is the responsibility of individuals, not the state (except for cases of disability, illness, genuine unemployment (so not his brother who can't be bothered to apply for any jobs and lives off parents and benefits etc). I am more mixed - very much depends on the issue. We have lots of rows - I mean 'debates'. Keeps the marriage fresh and we spend a lot of time talking instead of watching TV!

Original poster
DrNortherner · 08/05/2011 18:56

Lol at ripping down each others posters!

In later years I would love an active role in local politics, not sure how that could happen with dh's attitude Sad

OP posts:
Hassled · 08/05/2011 18:56

No, we largely agree. Although the things we disagree on we do get quite heated about - the Royal Family being one (he seems to think there should be a revolution and they'd be first up against the wall, I quite like them and see the tourism benefits etc).

I can't imagine living with someone I had opposing views to - it must be exhausting.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 08/05/2011 18:57

So how do you answer when someone calls you brain washed?!

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LuckyWeKeptTheCot · 08/05/2011 19:03

God I have no idea. I would explode if I were trying to debate something and came up against that - you can't really get past it can you? Having different opinions is interesting I find, if they have been come by due to reasoning - we all have different ways of seeing the world. We all know cross-party friendships are common in Westminster after all. But if someone resorts to saying you've been brainwashed he's just dismissing the whole discussion. Is he like that in other discussions or only when politics comes up?

Hassled · 08/05/2011 19:04

Does he think you're brainwashed because your views are different to his, or because you won't acknowledge his right to have different views?

K999 · 08/05/2011 19:05

I suspect he thinks she is brainwashed because of her upbringing??

Bishoplyn · 08/05/2011 19:05

Can you analyse why you react differently to debates with your DH than with others? Does your DH start debates with your parents?

Your passion clearly comes from your upbringing and is part of you.

I had fairly conflicting views with my ExP and it was difficult. I'm from NI and he voted down much more 'traditional' lines than me. He even voted no to the Good Friday Agreement FGS!!

Not voting does wind me up though Angry

K999 · 08/05/2011 19:10

You could respond by saying "my dear, if I was truly brainwashed I would have married a tall, dark, handsome, rich man!" (only if he is none of these things!) Grin

Original poster
DrNortherner · 08/05/2011 19:10

He says I am brainwashed and I don't listen to views of others with a different opinion. I think I do, I just don't happen to agree with opposing views Grin

But yes, it is insulting to be called brainwashed.

OP posts:
queenbathsheba · 08/05/2011 19:10

12 years ago we were poles apart on almost everything, now we seem to sing from the same hymn sheet, so as well as shouting a certain amount of listening has occurred. Smile

Next we need to tackle religion which will probably take up the next 12 years!

Original poster
DrNortherner · 08/05/2011 19:13

LOl K999!

My Dad died 2 years ago, and although their opinions were very different they had great debates, and dh respected my dad greatly. Shame he can't say the same about me hey?

Today dh told me I know nothing about politics, I am brainwashed and I need to wake up Angry

Anyone else who knows me, knows that actually, I know more than alot of people and take an active interest in it.

Dh on the otherhand does not acre if he votes or not, took no interest in the AV debate, never watches the news/question time but is one of the most oppiniated guys i know!

OP posts:
K999 · 08/05/2011 19:18

It's good to be opinionated if those opinions are based on belief/evidence. If those opinions are based on ignorance, lack of interest, then IMO those are the ones to challenge! Keep up the good work!!

queenbathsheba · 08/05/2011 19:26

You say that your DH doesn't vote or follow the news and takes no active involvement and then you say he is opinionated. So you are sounding dismissive of his opinions as well.

If you allow yourself to be hurt by your DH and his silly comments how would you cope in a real political debate.

I've often thought I would like to go into politics, DH even says I should! but I am not thick skinned enough. Maybe your DH thinks you need to toughen up a bit, maybe he thinks his comments will get you to examine your vulnerabilities and come up with a counter arguement.

Original poster
DrNortherner · 08/05/2011 19:28

Oh I can counter every arguement he throws at me! Then he accuses me of being blinkered/brainwashed......perhaps politics should just be something we never talk about...as I said, I can have interesting debates with lots of other people who do not share the same views as me.

OP posts:
K999 · 08/05/2011 19:42

Don't you realise that he is saying that to you because he has no other argument to put forward? You should take it as a compliment!! Even saying "let's agree to disagree" is better than calling you "brainwashed"!!

K999 · 08/05/2011 19:42

Fwiw I think he is intimated by your greatness!! Grin

chubsasaurus · 08/05/2011 19:45

Yeah. I work for the Tories, vote Tory, writing a PhD on Libertarianism.

DP - Labour. But not the partisan, growly, chip on the shoulder type... just believes in progressive taxation and positive liberty whereas I err on the side of negative.

Doesn't cause arguments, he's an academic and I entirely respect his views because they are a product of reason & thought not dogmatic brainwashing.

florencedougal · 08/05/2011 19:49

i have had in the past but as we have gotten older, we seem to have gravitated towards the same views

Original poster
DrNortherner · 08/05/2011 21:20

Intimidated by my greatness? Grin I like that theory......

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