Is anyone else married to a miserable grumpy person?

[Shaxx]

I can often accept dh for what he is and just carry on with stuff but sometimes his negativity and misery really get me down and piss me off.

He's a glass almost-totally-empty kind of person and is negative about everything. He rants a lot too. He's fairly intelligent but often sounds like a daily mail reader with his 'country gone to the dogs' view of life.
I'm so the opposite of him but my views or temperament never seem to rub off on him.

Any coping tactics or advice?

tell him to stop being such a miserable so and so! my DH gets like that every now and then, so i tell him and he snaps out of it with the shock of being told!

exP was like that -sorri IS still like that.
(as well as host of other issues but the glass half empty stuff got me down - )

leave him - best thing i did for me . was like a cloud had lifted after

exP still same. he wont change.

Can he take up a hobby that gets him out of the house a lot - my grumpy old man likes fishing .

I feel sad that his views and attitudes have changed so much since we first met - if we met today there is no way we would get together .

Looloosmum I couldn't tell you how many times I've said that!
I've said it laughingly when I've genuinely found it hilarious or ridiculous and I've said with some lovely added swear words when he's made me angry and fed up.
Today I got really fed up and told him to stop bringing us down to his miserable level.
Its just his nature.

I'll be watching this thread with interest as it sounds like we're married to the same person.

I love mine to bits but sometimes his negativity really drags me down, and I don't think he actually realises he's doing it. I sometimes have to ask him to say something nice about something, anything will do, as it simply doens't occur to him to do so. He doesn't seem to be happy unless he's moaning about something.

It's a standing joke with my friends that I've married a cross between Fred Dibner and Victor Meldrew.

Ragwort thankfully he loves to play tennis but is injured at the moment so hasn't been in a couple of weeks. Obviously this has added to his misery.

Can we get them all together? My dh is like this as well - in fact just last night I told him to stop being so negative about everyone and everything as it was starting to really get me down. He seemed to accept it so I think he does recognise this trait in himself - I suspect people at work have told him similar!

I send mine off fishing, but he'll only come back and moan about either the lack of fish, the weather or the fact his arse hurts cause he's been sat on it for so long :D

Flippingebay thats good idea - making him say something nice.
maybe we should start getting them to start the day like that. It may work like some kind of neuro linguistic programming technique?

Lol at Flippingebay dh moaning about fishing
Sorry for all of you too but its good to hear I'm not alone

I left my miserable, grump of an ex - I could see him turning into his Dad so ended it quick !!

yes, he moans all the time, and everything is too much trouble for him.
he spilt a drink last night, and you would have thought the world had ended.
It's exhausting

I thought I was the only one married to Mr Grump but it appears he has siblings!
Mine moans about anything - money,weather, tv, the internet, parking spaces, road users, pedestrians, queues, shops, banks, relatives, friends, neighbours, pets, dogs, potatoes, eggs, butter, grass, string................

And he doesn't just moan. He tantrums!

But he does have lots of good qualities like he is loyal, hardworking and caring, so being realistic I can put up with having a long term toddler in the house!

DH is an eeyore too really piss's me off and I think it has actually changed me for the worse too after all this time.

He got an unexpected tax rebate for quite a lot of money and i said something along the lines of "isn't it great when that happens" and got a long winded lecture of "Yeah don't get all stupidly excited about it, we've got a massive mortgage you know so it's not like we're about to book a holiday or anything"

FFS I hadn't even suggested spending it on anything but christ if you can't raise a smile about getting several thousand pounds back off the tax man. Knob head.

My Ex was like this, as soon as he got in from work I got a run down of his miserable day... nothing ever went well and nothing I said helped.
In the end I asked him to stop telling me, as I could do nothing about it and it just made me feel depressed.

he was like this with everything

we are divorced now...

does he drink at all?

wonders if its her ex shaxx is married to

My DH is like that and now DS aged 19 takes after him. DS really dragged me down over the last 18 months that I decided I needed to expand my support network otherwise I felt I was cracking up. DH has just got really stressed as he spilt a carton of yoghurt on the floor in the kitchen. Anything little thing can stress him. They are both so negative and the glass half empty.

Bluetufty, mine moans about potatoes too. Apparently he used to like scalloped potatoes but not any more and he has never really liked baked potatoes.

Oh god spilling things it is truely like the world has ended!

DH's favourite saying is "Why do bad things happen to good people"

He comes from a negative family though.

Only since I left have I truly realised how it got me down and how grumpy, surly, uncommunicative and downright damn hard work he is. He makes NO EFFORT to talk - everyone else has to humour HIM. We both suffered from severe depression at different times - he isn't anymore in the clinical sense and I'm certainly not either - but I think he just got stuck with that worldview, and it kind of works for him in a - negative - sort of way. I also ahdn't realised how sweary he is. I LOVE swearing myself at times but always for effect - he just uses it lazily.

ooh my Dh is like this, never happy! In fact he's been working away for the last six months or so, and I've realised that I'm a lot more cheerful when he isn't there. He will moan about the weather, the neighbours, food, the kids, work, his family... I've reached the point where I just cut him off when he starts moaning, or nod and agree like you would with a toddler!

Has he always been like this or could he be depressed?

Does he have times of enthusiasm and joy, excitement?

My dad has had 2 major episodes of depression and now is left with what Id call more of a depressive personality - negative, angry. It's extremely wearing. I really don't know how my mum tolerates it. It has improved recently with new anti-depressant medication and he now laughs again.

I share some of my dad's traits and am inclined to pessimism, but I am so aware of how this affects other people, not least, my children. I'd urge you to tell him how it makes you feel. It's just not fair.

My DP is exactly like this. When we first met and used to go out, he was always cheery, happy, positive and supportive, and very interested in me and what I had to say.
Now he never has anything happy or positive to say about anything, and when he comes home he'll ask a cursory 'How was your day?' but I barely get two words of an answer out before he turns the conversation round to himself - how awful his day was, how this person stressed him out, how that issue with his work is pissing him off, how tired he is etc. This can go on relentlessly for anything up to an hour. Then he'll sit down to watch the news, half of which I don't get to hear because he's busy ranting loudly about how the world's all going to hell and how awful everything is. It's incredibly, soul-destroyingly wearing. I've spent ages hoping he'll go back to the cheery, positive person I first met, but it's becoming obvious that was just a front and the grumpy bastard is the real him.

I've been working on this with DH for a few years. It's almost comical how he can see the worst in any situation. When you meet his dad, it's obvious where it came from, and DH really does want to change. He does have longstanding depression and anxiety problems.

Basically, I try to point out his negativity to him as it happens, just by saying 'negative negative negative' (in a sort of silly robot voice), that usually gets a smile and helps him be aware of what he's doing.

Another technique is asking him to say the alternative, not-so-bad outcome of whatever situation he's imagining. For example, if he starts stressing because I left my handbag somewhere and goes into a detailed worry about cancelling cards, changing locks, etc, I say 'or what else could happen?' and he knows to say 'it could all be fine and someone turned it in'.

I'm probably not explaining it very well, but I find increasing his awareness of how pervasive his negativity has become is helping him to do it less.

DP has phases of being like this. He never seems particularly interested in anything or enthusiastic about doing anything. It's like life is one long chore to him.

A lot of the time it just bounces off me, and my cheeriness seems to cheer him up too, but sometimes if I'm below parr it really starts to drag me down.

He also drinks heavily and smokes a fair bit of weed which clearly can't be helping.

In other ways though, he's fantastic. Caring, helpful, reliable, affectionate, loyal etc.

I've come to the conclusion that there's not much I can do about his moods- all I can do is try to insulate myself against them by making sure I spend time with other people, get out to do my own thing etc.

You have my sympathies! I'll be watching this thread with interest.