Is anyone else married to a miserable grumpy person?

[Shaxx]

I can often accept dh for what he is and just carry on with stuff but sometimes his negativity and misery really get me down and piss me off.

He's a glass almost-totally-empty kind of person and is negative about everything. He rants a lot too. He's fairly intelligent but often sounds like a daily mail reader with his 'country gone to the dogs' view of life.
I'm so the opposite of him but my views or temperament never seem to rub off on him.

Any coping tactics or advice?

One of my (male) colleagues is convinced there is evidence that men get grumpy at about the age of forty. He tells me he has read about it- but I had never heard of it.

I am sceptical but looking around there does seem to be some evidence for it in my family. My brother is 40 and is so different from how he was even 5 years ago. DH was quite grumpy between 41 and 43.

Has anyone else heard of this before?

I think it's definitely inherited - or the tendency towards it is. My dad - me - my 10 year old. I Fortunately my DH pulls me up at times. I'm convinced being with him has made me a less anxious, more positive person. I am very mindful of happy, joyful things and now keep the psotive things in my mind 9little things like people smiling, saying thankyou etc) than the negative (like the few people who are rude, drop litter etc)

I wince sometimes when I hear my 10 year old. I really really don't want him to be like us. do my best to encourage that in my son - making him aware of how the way he talks and thinks about himself and outside events affects his mood and the moods of the rest of the family. There's a thin line between being allowed to express negative emotions, and wallowing, or throwing them at other people.

Empire- never heard that before, but now you've got me counting down for the next 4 years until DP reaches 43! Here's hoping!!

Empire might be onto something there as I remember my Dad telling me that men in thier 40s start to evaluate and question their lives and achievements and think they haven't done as well as they hoped for so get down about it.

Mind you he also reckoned men's misery is caused by women,marriage and children!!

My husband is 50 this year, and has been grumpy and miserable since the day he was born. Even his mother tells him to cheer up! He seems quite happy being an eeyore though .

We just all laugh at him.

JamieAgain I'm positive he's not depressed. He doesn't drink or do drugs either. Its just the way he is.
I also worry about ds1 as he seems to be a bit of whiner too. I try to find tactics on how I can make him be more positive. Ds2 thankfully is a cheerful little boy.

YankNCock I usually point out dhs negativity to him too. Sometimes I've even told him he's really ungrateful and he should be more thankful for things. It works for a short while.

Empire dh just turned 40 but he's always been like this!

Squeakytoy I find laughing a good response too. Otherwise we'd end up just as grumpy.

He does have lots of positive traits too and isn't grumpy 100% of the time. I just wish he could increase the percentage of non-grumpy time. The thing is, he does know he's negative and does accapt he's a grump but he always tries to blame it on something. Its never his fault.

I think people can become aware of how their behaviour (including moaning) affects other people, and actually, how it affects their own mood and change it. I'm proof of that. I really feel for you OP

reading all this makes me glad i'm single!

I know this is going to sound flippant but my ex was like this too, and once I left I swore I'd never be with anyone that grumpy again. It just sucks all the fun out of everything to be with someone like that. Can really feel the difference with new DP - even if something goes wrong we manage to laugh about it.

Oh God, this sounds so familiar. MY DH isn't just a glass half empty kind, it's more like the glass has probably got a crack in it. Sometimes I can laugh about it, sometimes it really does drag me down. Bananas are his favourite moan - they're either too ripe, not ripe enough, too big, too small or the wrong shape. I've never bought a bunch of bananas that have met his exacting standards. I tell him that he makes Victor Meldrew look like Ken Dodd.

Fuck shit

My DH is married to a miserable grumpy person one week of the month and he averages about the same.

But we tell each other if we are being grumpy gits and invite each other to cheer up or bugger off out till we do so because it depresses everyone else.

Sorry for last post, was my 11 year old Ds trying to be "funny". Think I need a new password

Oh dear, if they turn grumpy at 40 I've no chance then, best make the most of the next couple of years.

Politics is a banned subject in our house, he moans about the last gov, he moans about this one (even tho he voted for them), he moans about the state of the roads, council tax, price of fish, foreigners, etc etc without having any substancial evidence that he's actually got any clue about what he's talking about - i'm sure, on occasions, he makes stuff up just to justify his moan.

The 'world ending' is something that happens on a regular basis too, if I spill something you'd think 'life as we know it' had ended, if he spills it - ahh well never mind

OMG...I've been married three weeks. He is 10 years older than me. He's 70. Before we married he was in a good mood, but when we got married he turned into a grumpy old man and a smartass. He was actually a smartass before but not grumpy. I actually cried on our honeymoon because I was upset about something and I've cried more in the past three weeks than I can remember. He gripes about everything and treats me like a child. I told him he's trying to train me like a child or a dog. He hurt his back now so it's worse and now I have noticed I am taking on his traits. I can't stand that. Even my son has noticed.

If you don't have a job, "get one" and see how that goes. He may be harbouring some resentment if he is the only breadwinner of you both.

My husband is the same. I come right out and tell him to stop being negative. Don’t want to hear it. Nothing brings him joy. He was raised that way. Their idea of conversation was arguing. Being married 42 years I have my own life. But occasionally it does bug me!

I educate my daughter on being positive and not like her dad. Even though she is grown now she knows what I mean. I think my husband needs medication but he won’t hear of it.

upsylazy

Your post about the glass half cracked and the bananas was very funny. It reminds me a bit of my DS15. I get complaints about the bananas too and all kinds of odd shit. Still, there will probably be some wonderful upbeat woman who will take him on one day I'm sure .

ZOMBIE THREAD.

ahhh Attila, uplazys cheeky son is now 18 then .

To answer your question - no, not any more.

I still see him because of the kids, I can't bear him for 20 minutes and wonder how I managed 20 years!

My life is sooooooo much happier now

ZOMBIE THREAD!