Hi all - namechange for this (OP is a MN user too).
DW and I have been together for about 10 years and have a DC of seven months.
We haven't had sex since just before the birth of DC (who is breastfed). Of course there's a period after birth where sex might not be of interest at all to a woman, and breastfeeding can supress desire too. We've spoken to each other about this and agreed that we will wait until DW is ready. Sometimes that can be a little hard (pun sort of intended) but I think DW would agree that it's not something that I make a big deal of. So waiting basically until DW shows interest, without closing myself off in the meantime. The rest of our relationship is good, no problems there.
Over the last few weeks, DW has kind of indicated that she might be more receptive to the idea. Last week we went away for the week, and DW asked me to make sure there were condoms in the our bags. "Game on" thought I, though didn't put any particular pressure on (as per our understanding to wait for her to be ready). During the week away (and since), DW hasn't show any interest at all. Cuddles and the occasional kiss (as per usual) were fine for her, but no indication of anything more. If anything did seem to be developing, there was always a reason why not (eg tired, or this/that needed sorting, or dishes putting away (!) etc). I have tried to mask any feelings of frustration or disappointment, with (I think) fair success.
Possibly just venting, but I don't really know where to go from here. Now I'm back to work after the hols I don't see how the situation will improve any time soon and, well, any advice much appreciated. "Too tired" is probably the most oft-used killer phrase, and often I can see that's true but tbh it sometimes feels like once things are sorted (DC in bed, had dinner, tidied house etc) then DW considers that the day is done, sort of switches off and isn't particularly inclined to invest any time/energy in anything else.
I've pre-answered some questions below that I think usually get asked on these sort of topics. Sorry if some sound a bit defensive, they're not meant to be.
Have we spoken about it? Not specifically this week, because (a) of the "understanding" and (b) I just don't think it would lead anywhere positive (ie might end up with DW feeling under pressure and therefore less keen).
Do I help around the house, lighten the load, give DW the opportunity to feel less tired? Yes (and because that's how we work as a family, I don't just do it for this reason). I don't think DW would say there's a great deal more I can realistically do to help (esp. as I work full time and often not back till about half seven (though usually get chance in the evening to do DC's bedtime bath and story and then make our tea)). DW doesn't work, but that's what we both thought best to care for DC.
Have I tried doing something nice - laying on a warm bath, nice tea, (non-sexual) massage etc? Yes, all of them. Didn't work (in "that" regard - again, not specifically done with sex in mind). Ended up with a well-fed, relaxed and ultimately asleep DW - which is good of course, but clearly not a solution to this thread.
Do you think DW is put off by, eg, her own body image? No, not at all. In fact she's quite proud of how she looks now - as slim as she was at university. Clothes that she had put away before pregnancy have had to go back away (or to the charity shop) because they're falling off her. She looks great, and I like to tell her so.
Do you think DW is put off by, eg, your body image? Not that I'm aware of! As far as I know (and from previous conversations) there's nothing specifically about me that she is finding less attractive. Sex has always been good between us before, both in quality and frequency (ie we're pretty compatible in that area).
Have we tried counselling? No, neither of us think that's necessary at this stage.
Can't you just have a wank? Don't be childish.