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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you ever think about 'the one that got away'?

38 replies

Pinkjenny · 05/05/2011 13:14

I do, quite regularly actually. Does anyone else?

OP posts:
exhausted2011 · 05/05/2011 13:33

yes, i have dreams about him.

had one last night actually, we were having artificial insemination!!
the more my H is an arse, the more I think about him.
And he popped up on facebook recently, I am so tempted.

TobyLerone · 05/05/2011 13:35

Yes. Mainly in a 'god, he's a complete arse now!' kind of way. But sometimes fondly.

Pinkjenny · 05/05/2011 15:58

exhausted2011 - mmm, I know what you mean.

Mine split up with me 10 years ago next week, three months before our (completely planned) wedding. We lived together, and I was 23 at the time (why on earth we were getting married is beyond me). Oh, how I loved him, and the heartbreak I went through was just horrendous.

We stayed friends for a while, after the initial pain dissolved, but he got married himself last year, and we no longer speak (my choice, not his).

I think of him often.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 05/05/2011 16:40

Yes,often. Bad timing unfortunately.

GollyHolightly · 05/05/2011 16:42

Often. I think I probably had a lucky escape though. Despite the fact that I was head over heels completely gaga in love with him I don't think we'd have made each other happy. I know he's cheated on his wife several times.

Thank goodness he lives out of the country now.

MadameCastafiore · 05/05/2011 16:47

Yes - his mother apparently spoke to my aunt a little while ago about how she hates his wife and wishes he had married me!! I looked him up on line because he has made quite a success of his life and he has seriously lost his hair and is looking a bit too much like his dad at a young age than I care to dwell on! DH has lovely thick dark hair and I would hate for him to go bald - he is going silvery foxy but that is ok - George Clooneyesque!

Weird isn't it - I have never ever bumped into him and wonder if he ever thinks of me??????

issey6cats · 05/05/2011 17:07

yep my first big love i was 16 he was 23 havent lived in that town where i knew him since i was 17 (thats why it ended moved to another part of the country would like to see how his life panned out funny to think that my 6ft 3inch tall god is now 61 years old

cathkidstonbag · 05/05/2011 17:09

I never really did until we became "friends" on FB after 20 years. Became more than friends, had an online affair, he's turned into a not very nice person who has seriously screwed up my head and broken my heart. Wish I'd left him in the past, where he ruined my life then. :(

gettingolderbytheday · 05/05/2011 17:20

Yes, I used to think about my first love regularly but after doing a stalking search on the net I discovered that after a couple of decades he had become like his dad - balding with a beer belly and double chin. Why do most men age so badly?

Although at the time I was devastated I think it was a bit of a close shave. What a pity I thought about him for so many years when it was just a fantasy of what might have been I was dreaming of, rather than what the reality would have been.

TheVeryAngryMumapillar · 05/05/2011 17:21

Yes. Mine was also bad timing. I loved him a lot and he loved me...we tried very hard and he chased me a few years after we broke up but I had met DH then.

Couldn't risk it.

He still pops into my mind on a weekly basis and I probably pop into his.

huffythethreadslayer · 05/05/2011 17:40

Yes. I thought about my first boyfriend all the time after we split. I was 21, he was 28 and he was lovely. I still think he's lovely, even though he dumped me horribly. He was a nice bloke, with decent morals, but (at the time) thought he would never settle down.

He'd had a shitty childhood in some ways, (dad killed himself in front of him, after years of mental health issues, mum ran off with another bloke, severely disabled older brother died in front of him, epileptic fit, so was basically not great with relationship stuff).

I saw him on FB recently and he dyes his hair (Yuk!). He still looks good though and I know he's a good bloke. He did marry eventually. I just wasn't the right girl for him. He seems to be successful in his chosen field, which I'm pleased about, and I use him as a example often for dd that if you stick with what you want to do when you're old and don't let other people tell you it can't be done, you'll go far.

I love DH madly, but not in the same lustful way as I did 1st bf. Now I love dh way more than I could ever have loved bf. He was right for me when I was 21...if we hadn't split up, I'd have never developed a personality or the strength/will to stand on my own two feet. I really believe there's a reason for love working out (or not!).

KittyChat · 05/05/2011 17:47

Yes. He was awful to me and I just kept going back for more! We fought all the time and he played mind games - but I was too young and stupid to see it. I was devastated when he broke up with me and used to do stalky things like drive past his place constantly and send emotional texts. Blush

This was about ten years ago now. About five years ago he emailed me out of the blue (thanks, Friends Reunited). Said he had always wondered about me, what was I doing now, blah blah blah. I sent him an amazing email back basically telling him exactly what an arsehole he was. Then I blocked him so he couldn't reply. It felt amazing, like I'd imagine scoring the winning FA cup goal might feel.

I still think of him every now and again but thank my lucky stars I am no longer with him.

Bellebelicious · 05/05/2011 17:51

I do. I dumped him,- but I was only 21 and didn't want anything serious. I had my life ahead of me and assumed that it would be filled with men as great in bed, funny, kind and decent as him. Sad

Wouldn't change anything, because wouldn't have had the DC if I'd stayed with him - but my H is half the man he is, even though he earns loads more money and looks down on people like my ex (work in caring profession, rather than only ever thinking about money).

The other day I woke from a dream and half hallucianted him sitting at the end of my bed (just the back of him). Have cyberstalked him and he is married, so never got back in contact (he doesn't have a facebook, so I'd have to contact him at work, which is a bit full on).

sharbie · 05/05/2011 17:52

oh yes.doesn't everyone.

what i want to know is has anyone done anything about it??

cathkidstonbag · 05/05/2011 18:06

Sharbie - read my post further up! And to go against how everyone else's exes had aged, mine has become uber-hot.

sharbie · 05/05/2011 18:10

oh shame omg

TheOriginalFAB · 05/05/2011 18:13

Yes. He is the only man who really got under my skin and broke my heart. His son was born a year after mine and they both have the same name. We used to talk but not any more as I can't handle it.

KittyChat · 05/05/2011 18:17

Oh Belle - that is really sad :(

TheOriginalFAB · 05/05/2011 18:18

Mine has grey flecks in his hair and has put weight on but was still totally hot.

cathkidstonbag · 05/05/2011 18:20

Belle - he may not be the same person he used to be. I know EXACTLY how you are feeling but please don't contact him. I thought mine would be the sweet loving kind person I used to know ... he wasn't anymore. All the nice memories I have of him are ruined now.

MinesaGandT · 05/05/2011 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bellebelicious · 05/05/2011 18:52

Don't worry. I'm not going to contact him. I'm fully aware that a LOT of time has passed, and that you can't go back, maybe we wouldn't even get on any more and on top of that, I really, genuinely hope that he's happily married with lots of bouncing babies.

I'm busy ending a marriage at the moment (slowly - but will be free this time next year), so men are off my radar anyway, but it's made me think a lot about the guys I've got involved with. It actually comforts me to know that there are some really good blokes out there (prays he hasn't become a selfish, cheating twunt).

edwardsbella · 05/05/2011 19:47

14 yrs down the line and i think of him constantly.
i was such an idiot to let him go

pink4ever · 05/05/2011 19:47

Yes-the one who broke my heart.Was 17 when we met(he was 21).Dated for 9 months.Very immature relationship but he was the only man who actually gave me butterflies in my tummy.Dumped me and I spent the next 2 years crying over him.
Through fb I have found out he did eventually marry the girl he got engaged to a year after we split and they have dcs. Tbh wish I hadnt looked at fb(he not on it but wife is) as had mananged to put him out of my mind for years and now tormenting myself with what ifs?Sad.

fartingfran · 05/05/2011 19:54

I do but then I think it's just a grass-is-always-greener thing. We were together for 18 months at Uni and he was like a puppy dog - he would do anything for me. Eventually I lost respect for him because he was such a doormat and I ended it. He got together with my flatmate and they're married with kids now. I do wonder if I'd been less of a bitch maybe it could have been good.

Having said that, I haven't had to change myself for it to work with DP - he just doesn't take any shit from me Grin