Signs that he is still seeing other woman and reasons not to care.

[Sillyflower]

We are separated but living together for the moment.
I am still shruggling with the fact that he had an affair with work colleague. I am also still upset that he No longer loves me and is is leaving. It's been about 4 weeks or so. He says they are were just friends but I read their messages they were much more than friends.

I was away for a couple of nights and when I got back snooped and discovered that they had been to the cinema together whilst I was away.

I also noticed that he has been looking at tons of porn.....!? I am curious if this is normal at the start of a new relationship? Seems like an odd combination. But I am not an expert!

He is still acting suspiciously on phone etc. Which has me on edge all the time.

I asked him outright and he guessed that I had snooped. But still denied everything.

Why am I so fixated with the lying?

I just want the truth. Its killing me.

Do I need to force detachment? Is there a technique?

I know you are all going to tell me it's none of my business and to move on and you are all right. I know I need to accept what has happened and move on.

Is there anyone else who has had similar experience?

I am coping fine in most other respects.

Thanks for reading if you got this far......

oh, really good news

I knew you had it in you

are we doing the right thing ???

hahahahahahahahahaahhaaaaaa

did he have a little collywobble there as he traipsed out with his suitcase ?

boo fucking hoo

you will be fine now, he isn't your problem any more x

You have really done the right thing, right for you, right for now, and it'll give you so much more dignity, so much power.

OW/H are now irrelevant, you have the truth! Once you let go, it really is a release.

As Paulo Coelho said, "The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself."

Well done! Bloody GOOD FOR YOU!

stick around, btw

you will wobble in the next few days

we will be here

I wasn't going to be quite so quick with the wobble comment AF

But she may be probably is right, once the relief is over, you may get hit by a lot of pent up feelings, be ready and work through them, as AF says, we are always bloody here!

Thanks AF and HHH,

Yes it feels good. I am sure it will get tough again soon enough. Lots more shit to sort out.

But it is liberating to not be wondering. The pressure of being under the same roof was killing me. You were right.

I do still feel bad for him even after all the shit he put me through. So there is still lots of work to be done. Need to toughen up.

I woke up so angry about it all though.

I literally don't care about OW. Have no desire to snoop. Its just bizarre how my feelings changed so quickly. Especially as I felt like a crazy woman yesterday and was saying I wanted to contact her- I mean how stupid was that?!

Hoping for a good nights sleep tonight.

You are so lovely!

I know you are right. Mentally preparing for the wobble now. I know he will pull every trick in the book.

I am planning to keep very busy.

It will be fine. I've got good advice here.

Thanks again for reading my thread.

I will update you with any developments. Good or bad.

best to acknowledge that the wobbles will inevitably come, IMO

then you are prepared, rather than thinking "wtf have I done??"

you think "yes, I knew it would be hard, but I predicted I would feel like this and I will be ok "

OP, anger is good, and justifiable

a lack of anger in this situation might mean you carried on getting sucked under

btw, you are not stupid

Hi Sillyflower just dropping in to say well done, you've taken the first steps to a future which before too long will be happier, peaceful, free and without betrayal.

cheering you on!

Good point. I think the anger at the amount of his lies has been hidden by the pain and emotional trauma of being dumped.

I know anger will help me focus and not go all silly. It was never as much about the lies but more about the the way he did it. He has a cruel side.

I seriously doubt that he wants to come back to me. He was so clear that we are over. I think when he gets some space he will be back to his usual form again. And relieved to be free again.

I will miss him. But I am just going to enjoy this time to gather myself.

He does show regret and remorse. Which is shows he is human. It just is a bit late for all that now. And obviously I don't believe it. He is just a big fat liar after all!

Gearing up for first wobble.

< prepares wobble cushion >

Hi. He needs to go and go now. Sorry, but he just does. This is not a game! As for wondering what he's up to and trying to work out what he'll do next, I think thats a waste of your time. Its normal to think like that and wonder what exactly a relationship has been about but the hook he has in you has gotta be gotten rid of. And the idea you won't cope getting rid of his lying arse isnt true. It will be painful but you need to make the final move and loose him.

Many thanks......
Also loved the hijack last night.
It really made me laugh. Will never forget cockstruck and dancing to the mighty cock. The irony of that is for another thread though.

I was surprised anyone was even awake!
Must have been fate.
Feel so much better.

anybody would think we were obsessed with cocks < ahem >

I think I get the irony

another day, another thread

Taking control

acting instead of reacting

does wonders for the old self-esteem, for sure

Once in 4 years irony......not my problem anymore.

Good advice - will keep that at the forefront of my mind when wobble approaches.

Well done, and good luck on your future journey of finding yourself again.

The person who emerges out of the other side will be stronger and wiser, and ready for anything that life throws at her.

Take care of you.

go to a solicitor + get an occupation order for your house + change the locks = bye bye bastard :-D