My life is a mess... a great big fat mess

[whatsaname]

Do you know... I've written this message a load of times.

I keep deleting and starting again, deleting and starting again trying to work out the best place to start for any of it to actually make some sense to you guys and it not just be a nonsensical blur of me getting a whole load of stuff off my chest.

but quite frankly I still don't know where to start... so that's it... my life is a mess - there I've said it!

I feel better already!

hey whatsaname,

Yours is a mess, well mine's just at a standstill right now.

Perhaps we can help each other. Why do you think it's a mess? Personal, Career, Sporting, what?
Give us a clue.

well your posting actually sounds quite cheerful so that's good news......maybe things aren't too awful ? I hope not. Wanna spill the beans ?

Everything, mainly personal. Had a on/off relationship stroke affair for 4/5 years until a couple of weeks ago. I made him choose. I knew he'd choose her but i loved him too much to dump him while my heart kept telling me there was still a chance.

Work is dump. social life is practically non existant.
childs father is a pain in the rear and intent on pleasuring himself by making my life hell and car won't start.

Ps... I am actually laughing whilst typing these... what can you do eh... my life is so utterly bad it's amusing, maybe I should write a book!

Oh and I know it's not seriously bad as in nobody close to me has died or anything like that but sometimes I wonder why I bother even getting out of bed in the mornings

whatsaname you sound like a supermodel lol!

Sorry you are feeling so crap. Go out and have a few drinks, life always feels better then!

can't go out nobody to look after dd. sorry if I sound like a drama queen.

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yep that's what my head keeps saying bloody heart won't listen though!

hey you're a bloke... know anything about cars? just kidding ;o

Well anyway laughter turned to tears had a little cry... feel so flippin' weak.

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I probably should explain further, I'm not really a drama queen.

The fella I was 'seeing' for those years met his current partner about 2 years ago... I see her as 'the other women' in a bizarre kind of way and feel very 2nd rate at the moment. I was the fun one, she was wife material... am bitter.

My dd's father (my dd is not yet 2 btw) has told me he is going to fight me for custody.

I'm about to lose my job and loads of my friends have just moved away and or are getting married I'm finding it really difficult to do the happy for everyone face... I've been that many 'happy' occassions lately my face aches from smiling.

am being selfish I know but finding it very hard to deal with everyone elses happiness at the moment.

Does that make sense? daren't re-read it.

sorry dadslib must have posted at the same time.

I'll have a fiddle with it when I get home, I'm sure if I hit it with a hammer hard enough it'll work

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has anyone else noticed Whatsaname saying

"I was the fun one, she was wife material"

Am I the only one to feel this is an odd statement? Who says wives can't be fun?

lol. better get the wife flowers for that little slip up!

sorry was speaking the way I see it in his point of view.

Can I just stop offending people now.

I could have been a fun wife

Sorry Whatsaname..

Listen love, you don't want to be a wife (fun or otherwise) who can treat anyone like he did.

I know you loved him, but he was a two timer, remember, she's got landed with him, and he might well two-time again.

I meant to type

"Listen love, you don't want to be a wife (fun or otherwise)to a man who can treat anyone like he did. "

Blimey, need a gin I think, lubricate the fingers

Easy - that's what I keep telling myself. but then I feel bad because she is the only truely innocent person in all this. I can't hope he does it again because that's not fair on her. I feel for her, she's probaly a perfectly nice woman... she must be pretty special - he wanted to be with her after all!!!

I know scorned women will look down on me for continuing it once he met her but I always wanted him to change his mind. Realise his mistake. Whatever you want to call it.

W'name, I have to agree with Dadslib (grudgingly, and just this once): in getting rid of this man you have cleared yourself a big patch of free life. He is the one that lacked courage, not you.If he reacted like that to your ultimatum, he should have taken the initiative. Being someone else's second best has a horrible way of making you fell the same way: get out there and put yourself first, and the other areas of your life will fall in to place.
Yeah, I know, easily said, and it starts with practical difficulties like a babysitter. But my guess is that you neglected friendships while you waited for this man to make last minute arrangements to see you etc etc....now is the time to call the friend most likely to come back and help you get over this.
Good luck, and sorry your post got mixed up with other MN nonsense!

Ok so he's gone and your head at least knows that it's for the best, your heart will come around given time and enough reminding.
More worrying in my mind would be your dd's dad challenging you for custody, does he stand a chance ???? unlikely I know.
Cars can be fixed, career paths altered and hearts mended. It all seems a muddle when it happens together I bet. If it took you so long to work up the courage to type it online then I bet you haven't admitted to anyone how rotten you really feel about life right now.
Stop smiling for everyone else and tell them how you feel right now, if they are friends they'll understand you're not so cheery.

AngelMother and Blu - thanks.

I don't do miserable in my friends eyes. I'm the one that picks everyone else up, the comedien, I'm the one that fixes everyones elses problems.

I know I would be fine if it had happened at different times but it has all come at once and lots of friends are announcing marriages - going to be an expensive year next year.

Ex doesn't really have a chance of custody but is entitled to legal aid and I'm not.

Feel bad/selfish for feeling sorry for myself about such trivial things but just don't seem to stop it.

DON@T feel selfish, self pity is not indulgant. Take off the brave face and maybe confide in a good friend.
Cliched but true "A problem shared is a problem halved"
Best of luck

DON'T feel selfish, self pity is not indulgant. Take off the brave face and maybe confide in a good friend.
Cliched but true "A problem shared is a problem halved"
Best of luck

DON'T feel selfish, self pity is not indulgent. Take off the brave face and maybe confide in a good friend.
Cliched but true "A problem shared is a problem halved"
Best of luck