If you knew your new guy had cheated before being with you....

[ginnyjeans]

(Cheated with a previous partner) would it put you off being with him?

With a wife? Or a casual girlfriend? Big difference IMO.

More often than not a leopard doesn't change his spots

Partner, very long term relationship, so not casual. Cheating was Long term too. Feels very guilty about it.

It was one of the reasons that I never fully trusted almost ex-H, although to be fair I don't think he ever cheated on me. We split up for many other reasons, although the lack of complete trust on my side meant that we never had a really firm footing.

Yes it would put me off. It's not a certainity that he'd do it again but it's clearly something he is capable of doing to someone he loves.

Depends whether why circa were
And whether accepted and understood it was not on .

Cheating long term, rather than stupid action that led to break-up/sorting things out with partner - no, never.

They've shown that they're capable of being horribly deceitful and justifying it to themselves, over and over. To the person they are meant to love. To the person they're saying that they still love, because they don't choose to end it with them.

There's no excuse for long-term cheating - you can always break up with your partner. The only reason to cheat long-term is simple entitlement to lie and deceive to get what you fancy. Not very attractive or admirable.

How does he explain/what is his attitude to his two-timing?

Ah sorry you said he feels guilty - but why then didn't he finish it with his partner? What were his motivations at the time?

Easy to go on about how guilty you felt afterwards!

I would not touch them with a bargepole.

Even if they were contrite and accepted that they had done wrong, the fact is that they knew they were doing wrong while they weredoing it and nonetheless continued to do so.

Shoutyhamster, I feel the same. I really like him, but not sure I could ever get serious because of it. He told me almost straight away. Cheated with just one woman (and she sounds psycho btw). Said that he didn't end it with his partner because he didn't want to hurt her but justified it by convincing himself he was in love with the woman he cheated with. Said he got so depressed about the whole situation he just stopped himself thinking about what he was doing and how people could be hurt.

Well a positive would be that he was very upfront about it. He could have not told you. Still doesn't excuse it but sometimes people do make awful mistakes.

Big red flag, I'm afraid. My (soon to be ex) DH told me about his infidelities before we married. I stupidly innocently took it to mean he was being upfront and honest with me and wiping the slate clean.

I think you can guess that's not how it turned out. I would dig a bit deeper here. It is possible for people to make mistakes and learn from them (otherwise the human race would be a tragedy), but the fact that he lied long-term is worrying - as is the 'psycho' ex. My DH used that one too! She's mentally unstable and I cared so much about her I cheated - yeah, nice.

Ooh dear.

Psycho ex = another red flag!

How much do you like him? Has it been long? You could read what Belle has to say and weigh up if it's not easier to just cut your losses...

His 'explanation' also ain't great because it basically translates as 'I'm so weak and feeble when I get myself into an awkward situation I just dig myself in deeper and start weeping and wailing'.

I'd be thinking very hard about him - I think your instincts on not getting serious are serving you well.

Yes, beware of a man who talks badly of an ex!

yep be wary when it was too late for me to pull out of the relationship i found out that i was the other woman, and he had done it earlier in his relationship with his ex, and six years down the line caught him chatting up women on a dating site so no if thats thier way they will usually revert to type

yep, I like him but it's a very big red flag for me too. I'm not emotionally involved as it's early days of just getting to know each other and has been fun, he really is a nice bloke but I've never cheated on anyone and I can't really understand anyone who would and I wouldn't ever feel fully confident being with someone who had thought it was ok, especially for such a long time.

Big red flag that he told you - is like he is warning you of what to expect.

I would be really put off, I think the capability to cheat is a real character flaw and loyalty is so important to me, I just don't think I could be with someone who had been so disrespectful to someone who loved him.

He's already proved that he's capable of lying and being deceitful for a long time so if I were you I'd run for the hills

Cut your losses now then - just not worth it, you'll never be able to fully trust him. Even if he's a reformed character, it's always going to be an issue for you. And that's just fine!

Think telling you isn't necessarily a bad thing as is being honest. However as others have said the situation isn't ideal- agree with ahouty hamster.

honest answer is it would put me off. i would always know that information and could never honestly trust him.

I'd be reaching for my bargepole.

He cheats - and long-term, so very deliberate, no drunken mistake. He makes out his ex is psycho. He tells you this at the start so that if you complain when he cheats on you, he can bleat that you knew what he was like.

It would make me very wary.

A friend of mine cheated on his very long term ex on a couple of occasions, and alluded to wanting to cheat on her on several other occasions during the course of the relationship. I also know of a 'situation' in which he treated a casual fling/friend very badly, and never apologised for it. They were in a fuck buddy set-up and he played on her feelings and was horrible to her.

If the circumstances came about that meant we were close to getting together (we're not, and won't be either!), the above would always stop me.

So I think while people do change, history is a valuable teacher in many cases.