Does you H do this?

[womblingfree1970]

I wanted to raise another issue I have with my H and its the groping and fondling that he does.

For example if say I give H a morning /welcoming kiss he will grope one of my breasts either in a just direct groping way or make a silly honking horn noise with it.During the day together he will regularly come upto me and grope either my breasts or squeeze my bottom saying something like great ass or even grope my genitals.Most of which I dislike and have told H so on many occasions.But he still continues to do so.

H states that alot of men do this.That this is normal between couples.He says I'm the strange one.He rarely kisses me with a tender stroking of the face or anything like that.The only thing he does do is go in for a long kiss with really over the top groaning noises.Which seem put on.

I've seen the odd film where the H playfully grabs the wifes breasts and this is ok.But my H does this type of thing alot.

I do try to physically stop him.He will then just grope harder,which then ends up causing me discomfort.When I complain,his reply is the more I complain the more he does it

This isn't affection or sexual contact, this is physical abuse. He knows he's hurting you and he does it anyway?
This is about control. Sorry but I find this sentence really very worrying.

Oh, and Corlan - I just wanted to say that what your ex is doing is actually sexual assault and he could be prosecuted for it. Might be worth telling him that.

No way is this appropriate. Now my DP sometime strokes my bottom in passing or does a kind of half-caress across my waist sometimes as we pass, but it is something I enjoy, it is not intrusive, it is not 'groping' but a slight caress. It feels intimate and loving.

What your partner is doing is abuse. He's making it clear that you have no say in what happens to your own body. THat he decides what he can do to you, regardless of your opinion. Frankly, that's worrying.

Hang on, is the the same H who you split up from last year and who is the subject of this thread?

If so, and sorry to be so blunt, but what the fuck are you still doing with him? It's not like this problem with him hasn't been covered on MN before.

Mine used to do it jokily - he's genuinely not abusive, but lurves to wind me up. A combination of threats to attend counselling, sharp smacks across the head and consistent refusal to put up with it have just about knocked it on the head. But he never hurts me. unfortunately your h sounds like a cock.

I remember that thread bayoon

Wombling that is very very worrying , and very wrong of him . Im sorry your being treated like that , it certainly is sexual abuse , and i hate to say it but it nearly always gets worse . Im assuming he also verbally abusive , calls you names ect , or tells you youve said things you havent ? This sort of behaviour rarely occurs on its own , it tends to occur with a range of other abusive behaviours .

How long has this been going on for ? Has anything changed lateley ?

I think you need to consider getting out of this marriage Wombling . Like youve said the more you object the more he,ll do it , and if you were to attempt to stamp it out completeley he would up the ante and quite possibly seriously assault you . Are you afraid of him ?

Do have a read of the other thread , theres a few of us whove experienced similar and it might give you a little clarity into whats actually going on here . Do consider contacting womens aid for some support , they wont judge you but will offer some support .

only read the OP but XH used to do this and OMG it's so disrespectful awful and make you feel cheap (least it did me - after all we are not objects!)

DP on the other hand total different kettle of fish, he'll have a sneaky feel of my bum mid hug occasionally, or sometimes when I go to him for a hug - but tbh he reads MY body language that shows i'd be receptive to a smoothed bottom or subtal hand resting at 90 degrees on the side of my boobs - and it most certainly is never a 'honk honk' that XH used to do.

Oh dear Wobling , just skimmed through your other thread .

It is HARD to get away from these men , on average it takes a few goes to do it . You nearly did it last time , you can do it again .

Good God, no! I'd soon set him straight if he did!

Why did you back down on the divorce wombling?

I'm really sorry Wombling but I'm throughly confused as to what's going on with your life. You've got a variety of posts since last August and they make no sense chronologically.
In one post you say you've been separated for five years but have been seeing each other for a year and a half with an occasional overnight stay. In another post you are with your H and he is seriously sexually abusing you. In another he's got bad breath and it's putting you off kissing him. And now you are together and he's being sexually abusive.

Which bits of all this are correct?

Bayoons

Sorry for the confusion.We did seperate 5 years ago.during this time we have got back together(he hasn't moved back).He was coming around and seeing me and kids,with occasional overnight stays.That was up until june/july 2010 and then we split completely.No contact whatsoever apart from kids.I posted the thread you refer to after we had already split for advice,to make sure I was doing the right thing in leaving him.

I stayed away from him until september and then let him come back into my life,after promises of change from him.I also thought we could give things another go because I put my childrens happiness and wants before mine.They want Daddy back you see.

so the popping around to see me and the kids and the odd coming around to stay started again. He seemed to have changed,so much so that I had actually forgotton about the post you refer to and what was happening then.At one stage I even talked about if things worked out what the plan of action was(with regards to counselling and us being a family again in the future.Not the near future but later down the line.

So anyway H seemed to have changed but now has fallen back into old ways it seems and I have left him again.Only 2 days ago but I have.Anyway I hope this helps.if I wrote this every time I wanted advice it would make the thread even longer that why it seems confusing.TBH I'm confused to the timeline myself and just guessing.Had alot to deal with.

Why the fuck did I go back(as you put it).Hope of change and the fact that as I said I never wanted to bring up kids on my own.Financially and emotionally struggling.I have no family or friends.I also put their wants first.And as I said they want daddy home.That might be hard for some to understand that after all he has done I foolishly gave him another chance.

also divorce scares me as I believe he will make my life really difficult.He is a very clever man and very manipulative.

I think sometimes it hard for people to understand unless you've been in a similar situation.

Sounds to me like a control thing, he knows you don't like it but because you really want to be with him and cannot live without him he feels he can treat you like a piece of meat.

That is what he is doing when he man handles you.

You can get yourself a solicitor so he cannot get one over on you or make your life difficult.

((You can get yourself a solicitor so he cannot get one over on you or make your life difficult)).believe me when I say I wouldn't underestimate him.

I have seen how manipulative he can be when someone is on the wrong side of him.Thats another reason for me trying again.I know he will make sure the rest of my life is difficult and miserable.

On the other side of things H has obviously got a good side.H can be very loving and attentive and supportive in many other ways.Another reason why I tried again.Because he's soo clever any difficult situations that come up in my life he's always able to resolve them,when nobody else can.H is also very loving and always supportive with issues with the kids.

Have a good read back of your previous posts and then I think you might understand why I'm not buying this, and I'm out now.

Good luck OP, I hope whatever issues you have in your life get sorted out.

Yes mine does it (without the sound effects though) and I do it to him.

We're both happy with this though and see it as a bit of fun.

Sorry - posted before reading the full thread.

He's a twat and clearly not just a bit of fun

He is a fucking creep who thinks of you as a possession.

If you keep taking him back then you will reinforce this view.

Your children will not thank you for living with a man who thinks their mother is a piece of meat for his use as and when he feels like it.

Don't trade your body for financial security or 'the sake of the children', that would be a bloody stupid thing to do.

Time to grow a backbone and kick his sorry arse out of your life. Your kids may want Daddy back, but really you are just teaching them that women are silly cows who let men do what they want.

Your kids will end up in the same sort of relationship as u .That is the pattern ur teaching them,so sad.Your instinct is screaming out to you but still you question it.Your family can have a much happier future but only you can make that choice ,the kids have no choice.

yes my H does it it annoys me no end but like someone said earlier he is a very good husband otherwise and doesn't see anything wrong with it, i would say though it has contributed to the rapid decline of our sexlife and does seem to get worse as the sex gets fewer and far between.

i'm gonna show him this thread you should do the same maybe then they'll realise that its not normal or attractive.

sorry didn't read the whole thread before posting, he definetly shouldn't be hurting you when you tell him to stop. my H doesn't hurt me at all but just complains that i have no sex drive when i tell him to stop.

((Your kids will end up in the same sort of relationship as u .That is the pattern ur teaching them,so sad.Your instinct is screaming out to you but still you question it.Your family can have a much happier future but only you can make that choice ,the kids have no choice.))

Patienceobtainsallthings

That is one of the reasons I have left again.I don't want them to think this sort of behaviour is ok.Although fortunately they seem oblivious to it as I've spoken to them about Daddy and the only bad thing they say about Daddy is that he is lazy,watches tv alot or sleeps.They are both quite vocal about this and have often told him themselves.

I have spoken to them about this and told them that his laziness is not ok and is one of the reason we are seperated.

Fortuately they have never witnessed any of the other behaviour.But they are getting older which means they may start to notice things.Thats another reason for leaving.

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I think some(not all) of the people posting on my thread are not being very sensitive to the fact that I was being abused by this man and have now left him again and trying not to go back.There is no need for those I refer to to be getting upset with me.don't you think I've been through enough.

And if you know anything about women who are abused.Firstly it can happen to anyone.Secondly its hard to get out and can take several attempts.often the victim will go back to the abuser several times.I came on here for support.The support I want is to make sure I stay away for good this time.Perhaps I should go elsewhere