Is it wrong to decide never to bring another man into my family?

[somethingwillturnup]

I'm a single parent, have been for 4 years (actually much longer than that - he just hung around like another kid much longer than I should've let him).

Had one serious bf since (now xbf) and am now seeing a very nice man. Kids have met him, but only in a friendly capacity (I have a lot of men friends - sports related). They are none the wiser to the romantic situ.

Anyway, I realised this week that I actually don't think I could welcome a man into the family as it is now. I just don't think anyone would fit iyswim. I'm more than willing to be proved wrong, but I can't see how. I'm not looking for a father to the DCs, and I'm not looking for another husband.

Is it wrong, or plain daft, to make a conscious decision to not include/introduce anyone into my family? Am I just with the wrong person? I'm not even sure if I'm asking the right questions, so feel free to point something out I've missed, or ask a load of other questions, because I don't feel I'm putting myself over very well!

Could be I'm mulling over nothing......

I was single for many years and then met DH, he had to jump through many hoops to get to the moving in stage. It's worked out fine and DD has benefitted from him being around so I know I made the right decision but it is a big decision and it is a big deal.

I am reassured by this thread - I don't think it's right to rush a new relationship especially if children are involved but it feels as if that boundary in society is being eroded..could be because I have experience of a mother who moved a new man straight into her home after marriage breakup and it's being 'normalised' which I don't think is right as the children are dazed and confused.

I'm SO GLAD I found this thread! I've been wondering about this hypothetically (because I don't feel ready to date yet) and I'm never sure whether wanting to live alone means the relationship is wrong or just that I like my own independence... Hmm.

SingOut I feel that my wanting to live alone means that I am happy with myself, my own company and in my own skin and that I don't need to live with a man to feel whole. I am whole just being me. It feels good to feel like this too. [busmile]

My mum did this. I think it was because my dad had been abusive (to her) and the divorce had been lengthy and traumatic for both her and us (me and siblings). I think she wanted to keep that from ever happening again, especially to me.

She met my 'stepdad' when I was 12. He also had a child (in her teens) and was a single dad. However, although my mum introduced us, we knew he was her boyfriend, she went out on date with him every weekend and he sometimes (but not often) popped 'round for a cuppa / we went out for days out with him and his DD etc - that was as far as she involved him in our lives or us in her relationship. They moved in together when I was 19 and had gone off to uni. I lived with them both for a while post-uni, as did one of my siblings.

I am thankful to my mum that she didn't join our families together, to be honest. They are still together almost 25 years later and we are all like a kind of extended family - I am fond of my stepdad and step sister, but it was nice to have the calm and stability of just me and my mum and siblings.