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Original poster

Online dating - advice please!

77 replies

ginnyjeans · 18/04/2011 10:39

Started chatting to a super funny guy last week on Guardian Soulmates. He's had me in stitches and he felt the same way. We've spoken on the phone and he's been pretty full on saying he'd really like to meet me etc. etc. Saturday night was out with friends in town and he was texting me all night. My friend said to come and join us (grabbed my phone drunkenly!!) and he said he would normally but really likes this one (me) and wanted to meet me properly. Yesterday morning he text and said it was such a lovely day he wished he knew me properly as it was a nice day to drive over. So I said ok, come over lets meet. He said he would love to and re-arranged his plans (he was supposed to go into work). We met at a nearby pub. He gave me a big hug and a kiss, told me I was so funny. We chatted easily for an hour and a half. At one point he asked me if I had any availability next week. Near the end, he told me he had to go as he had a friend having an operation on her foot and he was going to visit her. (This was at about 2.30pm). We had a 'little' snog goodbye and he said he would be in touch. Now, he's been texting me quite a lot and I have heard NOTHING since. No text to say he had a nice time, no phone call. My intuition is pretty spot on and I feel the attraction to me wasn't there in real life. I think he prefers slim, skinny girls and I'm very curvy. Maybe I'm just self conscious (I'm loosing weight at the moment) but I cant think it would be anything else as we got on so well and he was quite full on before. But I am new at this dating business. (not long divorced). I'm a really confident person normally.

Should I just a. wait for him to contact me (the longer it's taking the more I'm loosing interest anyway). or b. send him a text and say it was fun to meet him, I feel maybe the attraction is not there for him and I'm cool with it. Or c. do you all think I'm nuts!!!

oh - and btw, I like him, but I wouldn't be devastated if he wasn't interested. But the just not contacting me is making me feel crap about myself!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ginnyjeans · 19/04/2011 12:37

First one was about 2 weeks, second one about a week and the one I'm meeting Friday is about 2 and a bit weeks. Good luck!

OP posts:
gawdonbennett · 19/04/2011 12:38

Here's a rough timeline of events so you are prepared.

Day 1: messaging 8-10 messages. Usual banter. 'What do you do' 'I don't usually do online dating' etc etc
Day 2: Texting,possibly suggestive with possibilty of penis photo.
Day 3: phone conversation
Day4: Meet. Inevitably be dissapointed when slim youthful bloke turns out to be bald, fat middle aged weirdo who still lives with mum.
Then it's either
Option a) snog, shag and long term romance
Option b) snog and never hear from them again
Option c) shag and never hear from them again
Option d) All above followed by demented stalking.

Original poster
ginnyjeans · 19/04/2011 13:33

I have never had a penis picture sent! Shocking!

OP posts:
gawdonbennett · 19/04/2011 14:16

You're right. Not exactly Mills and Boone.

KnickersOnOnesHead · 19/04/2011 18:06
Shock
textualhealing · 19/04/2011 20:51

I not only had a penis picture sent, I got a video! Completely unsolicated I might add!

LifeMovesOn · 19/04/2011 22:24

I got a penis picture too. Once I'd stopped laughing, I soon kicked that one into touch.

OTheHugeManatee · 19/04/2011 23:27

No-one ever sent me a penis picture. What was I doing wrong? Sad

textualhealing · 20/04/2011 08:10

OTHEHUGEMANATEE - got a video I could send you on........ only joking, like "LIFEMOVESON" once I stopped chuckling, I met-up with him then kicked him in to touch!

davidtennantsmistress · 20/04/2011 08:41

gawd you forgot e) show em your cheek, and then get in your car quickly before they move in for a kiss, then end up with them working doubly hard to chase you while you are amusing yourself at their effort! worked with DP & we're now 1 year down the line & expecting our first DC.

FWIW he's naturally a straight down the line/serious/deep person & tbh it's one thing that attracted me - wasn't your usual down the pub with mates sort - more reading & drawing etc. anyhow, don't write off the serious - unless of course they're trying to move in on date 2!

so I'd say keep 2 or 3 in the go, first 'dates' is a coffee & if you like them show the cheek and then see what happens - with us DP went away but rang every day for a month sending me flowers to work in the mean while - boss thought it was hysterical a man would go to such lengths to get a second date - worked thou! :o. Good luck & watch out for the nobbers who only want one thing. (ps anyone who says they don't usually do online dating is lying mostly I think) just treat people as you would a casual aquantiance & don't give too much away early on.

gawdonbennett · 20/04/2011 15:44

I once dated a woman i met on the internet and after 4 dates we still hadn't kissed. She only allowed me a peck on the cheek and that seemed a lot of effort. I gave up in the end. I still wonder if we may have ended up shagging on the fifth date if I'd have just kept my nerve.

tomtommum · 20/04/2011 16:32

such a relief to read this thread. am feeling totally demoralised about online dating (currently on soulmates)..... not sure whether my Nigella-ness or single parent-ness is the issue, or whether maybe i am just doing something wrong, but it AINT working !

have been single for 7 years, had a few brief flings in first couple of years, but have been treading water working & parenting since and although i have a very healthy social life just haven't found time (or maybe the head-space) for internet dating....

at least you all help me see the humorous side to it all... all my unintentionally-smug married friends think internet dating is the best thing ever, but they haven't tried sitting down at 9.30pm of a weekday evening, shattered after another 14 hour day flat out, going online to find what superficially appears to be a collection of complete nutcases and then be all upbeat and self-promotional about how wonderful, funny, non-curvy, available despite being a single parent etc I am.

when I rattled all this off to one of the above friends she looked me square in the face and said "i think maybe you just need a quick shag before you lose your sanity" !!!

gawdonbennett · 20/04/2011 17:17

Or even a penis photo.

tomtommum · 20/04/2011 17:24

or even that..... clearly am doing something wrong if i have never been sent one of those !

gawdonbennett · 20/04/2011 17:29

You must be. I've even been sent one of those, and I'm a bloke!

davidtennantsmistress · 20/04/2011 18:30

:o awww gawd perhaps she was shy? didn't realise you were a man thou.

(fwiw I did kiss DP on our second dirty weekend away date!)

oh never had the penis thing either - oh but be careful for men who have pics with fish apparently - not sure why but be careful.

Eurostar · 20/04/2011 20:42

I'm told that Soulmates has the highest ratio of women to men of the major sites so maybe not the best one to put one's hopes in.

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 20/04/2011 21:13

I'm on soulmates too.

And I've had a cock picture sent to me. He was so proud, bless him.

sausagesandmarmelade · 20/04/2011 21:46

You said it..

The not contacting you is making you feel crap about yourself!

SOME GUY!!!

I'd put this one down to experience and let it be...please, please, pleaseee do NOT contact him.

You deserve much better than this and if you free yourself up (emotionally) who knows what might happen or who you might meet next time.
Count it as a lesson learned...

gawdonbennett · 20/04/2011 21:53

How about a cocks gallery on? A bit like Tony Hart used to have when the viewers sent in their artwork.

gawdonbennett · 20/04/2011 21:54

Meant to put on MN

textualhealing · 20/04/2011 22:25

Gawdonbennett - that's a brilliant idea! I hate to admit to this but although shocked at what I was sent, I did a quick check on the "hand to cock ratio" to determine scale!

tomtommum · 20/04/2011 22:35

poor old Tony Hart, will be spinning in his grave....

first1 · 21/04/2011 12:44

Oh can I drop in please?!

Met a great guy on pof, we've had 5 dates in 17days. Tell me, is this too much too soon? Also spend most of the day texting from work then a phone chat in the evenings we are not meeting up. We've both said we really like each other but I'm not sure of the rules to these things. I've been single 11months after a 3year relationship. What's, ahem, an appropriate time to dtd?

Celibin · 24/04/2011 17:22

On line dating? Done mostly by people who cannot meet in the normal way. First thing, establish why they have not met anyone? This the v first thing to do before you even meet them. Upon response . you then meet. Otherwise you will end up as unpaid social worker: they are married, just looking around, recently separated, no time as other obligations,miles away,etc If they cannot meet you twice a week forget it. A bit like buying a commodity.