Hi. Dont really know who to talk to in real life becuase what do you say. long journey home from difficult visit with relatives, my ds age 1 in back. he is crying alot, cant settle, usual long car journey thing (for us anyway, we dont drive much and were in a small hire car). mum, who is very difficult, cant really explain how difficult other than saying years of tantrums, physical fights with strangers, car related rage as a passenger or driver, she has no friends, always ruins relationships, always argues to the point of police involvement with neighbours, very difficult towards me especially since i got married and had a baby, very controlling, also very loving and lots of emotional blackmail etc etc.
the reason i was driving is becuase i wont get in a car with her that she is driving after years of being terrorised by reckless driving when she 'loses it' on the motorway. granny (her mum) is dying whcih is why it was necessary for us to make the long journey together. thought she would be able to put my son's needs above hers and be calm in the car. this is why i took the decision to drive with her in the car - and it is unpredictable, she is not always like this. i had refused to go in her car which she was angry about, thus the hire car.
anyway - She was getting more stressed with the crying on the motorway so i suggested i pull over to soothe him or give him some milk and asked if she thought it was safe on the hard shoulder as the motorway was curving and i wouldnt choose to stop there. she completely flipped out, screaming about the crying and that he had to shut up but i had to get her home and if i tried to stop she would grap the wheel -i was saying mum please, he's a baby, put him first, calm down, your frightening me and him - so i gues i was slowing down maybe 65- 70, but it was all happening really quickly -i had been doing 80 and i was in middle lane - and then she grabbed the wheel, and the car went across the lanes, i dont know which way, all i know is i had to right the car and it nearly swerved into either the central reservation or the hard lane side, i dont know which, but it went all over the road.
its not an exaggeration to say that she reallky did nearly kill us - if a car had been over or undertaking us, if i hadnt righted the car in time, i just feel sick everytime i think of it and as im typing my hands are sweaty and im shaking.
i just dont really know where to go next with this.
ill carry on and say what happened - i managed to get the car onto the hard shoulder, jump out of my side of the car, grab the keys and my handbag, run round the side and tell her to stay away from me while i got my son out, who was hysterical, my poor poor child. i just wanted to protect him from this kind of thing, i feel terrible i exposed him to it. i told her to keep back, as i thought she was going to attack me. i offered her the car and said we would hitch, but the upshot was i left her on the side of the motor way and called the police to let them know she was there and i was worried for her safety. she got a bus, i dont know how to a train station and got home from there. it was 9pm by this point, so i did feel bad leaving her but i couldnt possibly have her back in the car after what she had done, i had to think of my son.
im sitting here on saturday morning before my son wakes up- where do i go from here, do i cut her out of my life completely, i cant cope with this kind of thing, i dont want it any more, im an adult, i dont need it, etc etc. she traumatised me all my childhood with rages and then huge amounts of love and affection and i just want a stable life for me and my family. but then i dont have much family and she is there for me. and i do love her, very strong bond - im estranged from my father, brother brain damaged following motorbike accident, extended family not close, granny dying. i do have friends but since the baby i dont socialise as much, whcih i miss.
any wise words would be really really welcome. i just feel so lost.