What is my wife up to?

[Smale]

hi there. Just joined on recommendation from a friend whose wife uses your site. I hear you take no prisoners though!

Having a problem (maybe) at home and I've ran out of people to ask advice from. Been married to DW for 7 years, all great mostly. Thing is I think she might be harbouring feelings for our BIL (sister's husband). At first I thought they just didn't like each other very much as they aren't very talkative with each other and their relationship doesn't seem 'easy'. Hard to explain.

We don't see each other that often but the last we met the usual tension was there, but one evening when sis was out, we watched a film, BIL sat next to DW, about half way through I felt uncomfortable in the room with them, like a teenager when your best mate is trying it on with a girl, I can't explain it, it was weird but the room seemed full of tension, they were sat really close, legs touching all the way through and if one of them moved their leg the other would move theirs back to touching. It seemed really odd considering they seem to have such a strained relationship, I don't think I would have even noticed it if they had a good relationship. They speak easily via FB and text though, in a normal, jokey way that you'd expect family too.

I'm speaking in tongues I know!! I'm not a jealous, over bearing husband and i don't think I've ever taken notice of anyone's body language before but something is niggling away at me.

I thought you put your feelings really well in your first post,and going by that, I would say that there is something between them, although it is quite possible that they are attracted to each other but will never take it further than that. Even in a really happy marriage there will be times when you find yourself attracted to someone else,its what is then doen with those feelings that is the problem. At the moment I would just watch and wait, maybe try and talk to her again about it when things have calmed down a bit.I do also think though,that her reaction was rather strong- if there was nothing there at all I would expect her to be amused/bemused rather than quite so reactive. I hate to post something negative but quite pssibly nothing has actually happened or will ever happen between them.

well we're hearing one side of the story and without wanting to offend, there's always the vague possibility that the OP is actually the paranoid type but can't see that he is, so his wife's reaction would then be fairly reasonable - however going by what is written here, and taking his word for what he is like as a partner I'd say the likelihood is she has feelings for the other man. I'm sorry if this is the case - if she won't discuss it you can only take responsibility for your own happiness and either choose to put up with what you suspect or, well, not put up with it and insist on a conversation about it.
I'm not sure how you can do this, it won't be pleasant if she won't respond congenially to a simple request, but living with this over you like a black cloud can't be good for your relationship.